TED #1

Discussion in 'Evaluating and Criticising Scientology' started by Empress, Jul 22, 2018.

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  1. Empress

    Empress Patron

    TED #1
    By The Empress
    Telepathic Executive Directive No. 1.
    FROM: The Empress
    TO: Inner, Inner Circle
    This is my first Executive Directive since causatively leaving the physical plane in order to do advanced level research.
    First of all, I am very upset about the shuttle disaster stealing all the headlines away from my carefully planned demise. I'm SURE it was a Rockefeller conspiracy. I haven't yet decided what to do about this yet, but be expecting to hear from me concerning this. I've thought of gathering all the New OT VIIs together in one room to audit David Rockefeller into oblivion.
    In any event, here are my orders for you today:
    ORDER NO. 1: First of all, I have changed my mind about the cremation orders. Although I am still in agreement with the cremation itself, I do not now believe that the ashes should have been scattered over the Pacific Ocean but should instead have be scattered over the town of Tilden, Nebraska. ORDER: Gather all the ashes, by whatever means necessary, that were scattered over the Pacific Ocean and scatter them by fighter jet (not by helicopter) over Tilden, Nebraska. Use the RPF for this high-priority project, recruiting as necessary from the upper management of ASHO, AOLA, AOSHUK and Flag.
    ORDER NO. 2: There was a boy I knew in childhood named Jerry Olson who called me a sissy and beat me up for just being there and communicating. He is alive and living in Vancouver, Canada, age 72. ORDER: Hold a confidential Court of Ethics and then send the four largest-bodied security guards to Vancouver and break his legs.
    ORDER NO. 3: I loaned Bob Heinlein -- a second-rate science fiction writer whom I launched to fame and fortune by various mentions of him in the '50s -- $5 in 1947 and he never paid me back. ORDER: Taking into account inflation, calculate the maximum interest allowable by law and collect the funds from Heinlein. Deposit them in one of my numbered Swiss accounts.
    ORDER NO. 4: Gather all my personal possessions, except for sensitive documents, and have the President of the Church hold a public auction in Clearwater. Bidding will start at the face value of the article plus $10,000. Then, some short time after the auction, declare that the auction was unauthorized and illegal in light of probate law and order the Expulsion of all those who participated in it, including the President of the Church, such Expulsion to be lifted upon forfeit of funds paid and the return of the purchased goods to my estate. Deposit the proceeds from the operation into one of my Lichtenstein accounts and put the President of the Church in the RPF for life.
    ORDER NO. 5: When OT8 does not produce the expected miraculous results on the first several paying public, declare an International Tech Emergency, stating that lower level gains all over the planet have been falsified and that every non-Sea Org pre-OT's cert is conditionally suspended pending a complete review of their case by the RTC. Such RTC review shall call for a thorough sec check to be done at Flag, followed by a complete re-do of the entire bridge at review rates in a NOTs HGC. In the unlikely even that OT8 does produce results on somebody, by all means find out exactly what they did. Then Declare and Expel them for squirrelling.
    ORDER NO. 6: Every two years shift the emphasis from hard TRs to gradients in TRs, and then back again, and order every auditor on the planet to do the resulting new TRs course as their next training step. Of course, anybody who catches on to this is sitting on a mountain of overts, so pull them and don't be gentle about it.
    One last thing. You really blew it at my funeral celebration. For one, you really scared the bejeezus out of people making them think they're going to have to drop their bodies after OT10. And also, there weren't nearly enough reg tables set up. People in grief have been known to fork over massive amounts of money. I'll let you figure out how you're going to replace those lost revenues in my accounts.
    There. That should keep you busy. I'll be returning to physical existence shortly, as soon as I can break out of this hot, unpleasant place.
  2. Francois Tremblay

    Francois Tremblay Patron with Honors

    "In the unlikely even that OT8 does produce results on somebody, by all means find out exactly what they did. Then Declare and Expel them for squirrelling."
    I know this is humor, but imagine if any of the Scientology processes actually succeeded on a person, and did what they advertised. That person would be kicked out of the Church in about a week.
  3. TomKat

    TomKat Patron Meritorious

    Anybody who shined brightly enough to get on LRH's radar got expelled. Remember Rocky Stump?