Yes, my relationship was also cultic. I've loved and lost before and it hurt, but life went on. All I want is for it to stop hurting now, and I think moving away will help with that. I really do not want to get laid. I love sex, which is why it's all so ironic, but I don't feel ready for that at all - still a year and a half after we broke up and a year since we last had sex. I wish I had known then that it was the last time. I will never understand why he gets under my skin. I just want to be a crazy old cat lady too. I am having dinner with Denise's friend Robin and This Is Not OK and KissMyStats when I get to New Hampshire, so I am looking forward to that. They are the most excellent cooks - the best meal of all time was at there house last year. I'm just focusing on simple things - simple pleasures. At the moment everything hurts and I can't believe it is still so painful. I don't know what's wrong with me. But I am moving on as best I can, and I'll never see him or speak to him again after Saturday. Thank you for saying those nice things about me. My tarot says I will meet lots of good people but never someone special, and I'm okay with that now if that's how it is. God, I'm bloody 51. Time to retire from it all. I'd love to have sex one day and think, "Is that what it's all about? What's the big deal?" Lol!