Top 100 Stupid Moments in Scientology PART 4

Discussion in 'Evaluating and Criticising Scientology' started by HelluvaHoax!, Apr 25, 2017.

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  1. HelluvaHoax!

    HelluvaHoax! Gold Meritorious Sponsor

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    Whoa, wait, one more thing. . .

    I love that "booming" graph more than you can possibly imagine! LOL

    Because that graphic has virtually EVERYTHING you could ever possibly dream of to depict Scientology!


    [​IMG]


    -- it's got yer "Straight Up and Vertical"!

    -- it's got yer intergalactic wholetrack rocket ship!

    -- it's got yer three-dimensional ARC/KRC nose cone!

    -- it's got yer smoke! (now all it needs is some mirrors!)


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  2. HelluvaHoax!

    HelluvaHoax! Gold Meritorious Sponsor

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    Yeah, okay, I'm still obsessed with that graph. . .

    There is yet another reason I love that graph.

    REASON: Because it is not a graph.




    IT'S A POSTULATE!
    [​IMG]

    The cult's actual graphs (disgracefully downtone & downstat) are never shown, because Ron stated in scripture that high-toned Clears & OTs should always "cut an entheta line". Ergo, if you ask a Scientologist about their stats or membership, they will always refer you to their postulate graphs which are super uptone and winning. That's why they can look at you in the eyes, without blinking, and enthusiastically tell you about their 15 million members.

    Scientology---it's kind of like a stimulus-response experiment. Think conditioning. Think Pavlov's Dogs. . .

    [​IMG]
    From forbidden PSYCHOLOGY LINK:
    "In his experiment, Pavlov used a bell as his neutral stimulus.
    Whenever he gave food to his dogs, he also rang a bell.
    After a number of repeats of this procedure, he tried
    the bell on its own. As you might expect, the bell on
    its own now caused an increase in salivation."




    Hang on, we're almost there (LOL). . .

    PAVLOV'S PC's
    The always winning, always cogniting & always F/Ning Ideal Scientologist, Billy Blowdown
    [​IMG]

    "In his experiment, Hubbard used a Floating Needle
    as his neutral stimulus. Whenever he promised
    delusional supernatural powers to his PCs, he
    also indicated an F/N. After a number of repeats
    of this procedure, he let PCs say to themselves
    (in solo auditing and life) "My needle is floating"
    on their own. As you might expect, the F/N
    indication on its own (without anything actually
    happening in reality) caused an increase in donations."

    All the exciting details of this groundbreaking scientific research will soon be published in the Church of Hoaxology's brand new book, SOSS (Science of Salvation & Salivation).

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    Last edited: Dec 25, 2017
  3. HelluvaHoax!

    HelluvaHoax! Gold Meritorious Sponsor

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    Thanks! That was a thought-provoking & outstanding essay over at Rinder's blog!

    What an epically romantic and desperately hapless crusade Scientologists are on to save the universe! Meanwhile, back on earth. . .

    A lone Hubbardite and his trusty e-meter is valiantly trying to singlehandedly save the planet, one being at a time--by doing an "assessment" to find "the why" they are stalled, bogged and otherwise the total effect of their total-cause Bridge.

    Keep in mind that the person being "handled" is already on the Bridge, where the standard tech works 100% of the time. Yet, nobody is questioning this KSW KOAN:



    [​IMG]
    IF THE PERSON WAS ABLE ENOUGH TO GET ON THE BRIDGE...
    AND THE PERSON WAS ABLE ENOUGH TO PAY FOR BRIDGE ACTIONS...
    WHY, AFTER COMPLETING THOSE BRIDGE ACTIONS, ARE THEY LESS ABLE
    THAN THEY WERE BEFORE--AND SUDDENLY UNABLE TO CONTINUE?



    SPOILER ALERT (confidential answer to Zen Zenu Koan): The clue is right there, in what the sector-salvager himself stated:
    Yes, "everything" that could possibly be wrong with a person's mind.

    Everything except Scientology.

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    Last edited: Dec 28, 2017
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  4. HelluvaHoax!

    HelluvaHoax! Gold Meritorious Sponsor

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    cross-posted from another thread
    -----

    Well, my friend, I hate to criticize anything you just wrote. But I feel I owe it to our readers to correct the record.

    Yes, you are correct---people have said that the Purif is not scientifically proven. However, LRH didn't just say something. He stated that the Purif is scientifically proven!

    In a game of certainties, affirmative stating always trumps (just) saying. That's why goldenrods don't say "..in our opinion you are suppressive"; instead, they declare you suppressive.

    Hey, let's not get into a big Q&A derail here. DO YOUR PURIF PEOPLE!!!

    After you attest you can run around a pole, just like Ron stated he did 329 trillion years ago.

    Have I mentioned recently that Scientology is helping create a world without insanity?
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  5. ThetanExterior

    ThetanExterior Gold Meritorious Patron

    LRH died a recluse, living in a bluebird motorhome, hiding from the law, physically ill, on psych drugs and raving about BTs being everywhere.

    Maybe someone should have given him a correction list?
     
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  6. HelluvaHoax!

    HelluvaHoax! Gold Meritorious Sponsor

    LOL

    Both tragic and hilarious. Scientology is, if nothing else, ludicrous!

    Imagine for a moment if there was something called a "LIFE TEST" given to everyone in the world, asking very basic questions and PRACTICAL KNOWLEDGE a person would have to empty if they wanted to survive in this world. Like any other test, there would be a grading system from (lowest) "F" for Fail to the highest possible score "A" (for, um...Awesome! LOL)

    QUESTION: How would Scientologists score on this test?

    ANSWER: Very poorly, they'd average a "D". Because much of their "practical wisdom" is actually mythology & magical mumbo-jumbo received by them from the degenerate liar L. Ron Hubbard.

    Okay, so maybe the knowing-how-to-know people don't know much about what happens in the MEST universe. But, surely they would do magnificently well on the test section regarding the THETA universe, right?

    I mean, wouldn't they?! The section that only asks questions about Scientology. They'd fer sure get an "A" on that, right?

    ANSWER: No. They would score an "F". Even though it's their own religion and specialized focus of academic study for decades! Sample question: Write an 3-5 page essay on what happened to the world's greatest Operating Thetan, L. Ron Hubbard, in the last days of his total cause life.

    Can anyone even imagine the bizarre mindwarp cognitive dissonance that would show up in their answer?

    PARADOX: Scientologists, the world's leading knowing-how-to-know experts, would score worse than any other human being (on this planet) on a test about Scientology.

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  7. guanoloco

    guanoloco As-Wased

    Guc3.jpg
    Oh, Billy! Isn't Dr. Hubbard's thesis just wonderful!!!

    Everyone say hello to Idi the OT!

    Otherwise known as IdiOT.​
     
    Last edited: Jan 3, 2018
  8. guanoloco

    guanoloco As-Wased

    Guc1.jpg

    Oh, Billy! I just LOVE twinning with you!
    Isn't Ron's book just dreamy?
    Why - who would've thought that all those people smoking were dramming volcanos!?

    - IdiOT​
     
  9. JackStraw

    JackStraw Silver Meritorious Patron

    Is this the name of the next great level?

    Intrepid
    Dauntless
    Infinite
    Operating
    Thetan

    Jack
     
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  10. HelluvaHoax!

    HelluvaHoax! Gold Meritorious Sponsor

    .

    From another thread discussing the two-cult-messiah,
    Nation of Islam guru & power Scientology FSM, Louis Farrakhan.

    ---
    Excellent question!

    ANSWER: The same thing that happened to all the other Scientologists who did OT 8. To wit, he would write a glowing success story attesting that:

    -- OT 8 was the greatest level he has ever done!

    -- he had more case gain on OT 8 than all of the other levels combined!

    -- it handled the ruin he has been failing to handle since he first got into Scientology!

    -- OT 8 addresses you the being!

    -- OT 8 is the first actual OT level that results in total cause over matter, energy, space and time!

    -- planetary clearing has now become a reality!

    -- he has total certainty that he has secured his eternity!

    -- he cannot wait to do OT 9 which he has certainty will handle the ruin he has been failing to handle since he first got into Scientology, because OT 9 is the first actual OT level that results in total cause over matter, energy, space and time!


    Have I mentioned recently that Scientology can handle any ruin on this planet----except the ruin where people are defrauded & deluded into believing that Scientology can handle any ruin on this planet?

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    Last edited: Jan 6, 2018
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  11. HelluvaHoax!

    HelluvaHoax! Gold Meritorious Sponsor

    .

    Cross-posted from another thread where a leading Independent Scientologist
    gives advice to aspiring OTs. Why he posts it on an "EX" Scientology message
    board is unfathomable---probably one of those esoteric
    mysteries of the universe, revealed on upper OT levels.
    LINK: "After OT 8 the Tech is Free!"


    ---



    Exactly, that's all you need to do to qualify as an OT 8.

    You don't have to be able to exteriorize, levitate, postulate or demonstrate that you are "total cause over life"!

    You don't have to be subjective/objective cause over matter, energy, space and time either!

    You don't even have to do anything else requiring supernatural OT powers!

    "All you need to do is study and apply existing materials". Those materials will describe to you in glorious detail all about the miraculous OTs that nobody ever met. In that sense, Scientology is not a religion. It's the study of 20th century mythology.


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    Last edited: Jan 6, 2018
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  12. programmer_guy

    programmer_guy True Ex-Scientologist

    He may not yet understand the huge difference between "ex-Scientologist" and "protestant Scientologist".
     
  13. guanoloco

    guanoloco As-Wased

    Guc3.jpg
    Well...you know...if he just would've read his Ron...
    And word cleared it, of course!
    He wouldn't look like a steaming pile of entheta shat out the Obscene Dog!​
     
  14. HelluvaHoax!

    HelluvaHoax! Gold Meritorious Sponsor


    I just love those 50's graphics you post where she dreamily holds different crazy books by crazy Ron.

    Dude, did you shoop those?? OMG. they are so freakin' cool!

    While we are on that subject, I am lost on how the final graphic for Billy Blowdown was found and/or created (the one where he is holding the cans, a few posts above). Is that one also yours? LOL


    ps: That 50's babe....is that the same one that later went on to become Billy's 2nd Dynamic Terminal, Betty Blowdown? lol

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  15. guanoloco

    guanoloco As-Wased

    Not Betty but Idi Blowdown. She's Billy's 2D terminal.

    People know her as Idi the OT and that often gets shortened to IdiOT...

    Yes. I found Billy's image but you shooped it as he was holding beer bottles.

    As for Idi's shoops...well, I outsourced and had a certain shooper here as a colluding terminal. Someone who Loves to Lurk.

    Now Idi needs some good old HH dialogue so feel free to post her and let us know what she has to say!
     
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  16. HelluvaHoax!

    HelluvaHoax! Gold Meritorious Sponsor

    .

    Guanoloco, our relentless petitions to the brilliant underground artist ILove2Lurk have come back downlines approved! As such, we gratefully thank IL2L for the new GRAPHIC (below) which has been hopelessly corrupted by the luridly carnal copywriting of Don Hubbard. I keep writing KRs on that guy but nothing happens and he never gets handled by Ethics!

    -----


    I don't know why, but Standard Handcreme appears to be giving Billy Blowdown quite a boner in the theta universe!


    [​IMG]


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    Last edited: Jan 7, 2018
  17. guanoloco

    guanoloco As-Wased

    Guc1.jpg

    Oh, Billy...whenever you squeeze my cans
    And talk about all that TA action,
    Why, I just know to get ready for a serious Blowdown!​
     
  18. lotus

    lotus autonomous rebellous

    ^^^^^^^^^
    This one is funny! :D
     
  19. guanoloco

    guanoloco As-Wased

    -�-�-� -+-�-+-�-�-�-�-�-�.jpg

    Ron says Hello to the Stupid Thread!!
     
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  20. HelluvaHoax!

    HelluvaHoax! Gold Meritorious Sponsor

    .

    Cross-posted from another thread. . .




    Ain't dat da truth!


    On the positive side of things,
    at least Dr. Hubbard was totally truthful
    when he said going OT would result in "Total Dupe-lication".


    [​IMG]

    Free bonus Buddhist brush art was added at no additional cost to you,
    the being, in order to add spiritual credibility & gravitas to this post.


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