What drove me nuts

Discussion in 'Evaluating and Criticising Scientology' started by phénix, Mar 29, 2012.

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  1. phénix

    phénix Patron with Honors

    I know there must already be several threads where this could fit but I'm too lazy
    to look...
    So, I was wondering what drove me nuts in my scientology experience, how I came to that state feeling my mind is broken and maybe wondering I'm crazy...
    So I started doing a list...and looking at it, and the load of stuff coming on it! i
    think I have a better excuse now...I know you guys know this well but what the hell
    (oh yeah also I was SO...)

    Permanent production stress, never allowed to be idle, military discipline, kind of sequestration, no right to critical type thinking, believing inpast lives where horrible incidents happened that are so powerful they can still hurt us today, we're responsible for everything that happens to us, thought crime, a part of your mind (reactive) is not you and needs to be erased, the outside world is crazy (psychotic) and mean, we are the only hope for humanity and if we don't save them we are all trapped in hell, sex comes from brainwashing, psychs are the only cause of decline of the universe, a set percentage of the world's population is crazy and just wants to destroy others- and if you attack scn you are one, no contact with the world outside in any way, ......
  2. TheRealNoUser

    TheRealNoUser Patron with Honors

    .... and that was just kindergarten.
  3. Claire Swazey

    Claire Swazey Spokeshole, fence sitter

    In Scn, they tell you that being introverted is bad. That they're gonna getcha out of that.

    Then they introvert you.
  4. phénix

    phénix Patron with Honors

  5. actually, the point where i went massively dysfunctionally lockdown psych ward screaming yellow zonkers was about a year after i had left staff and was discovering OT phenomena to be real. rather like mickey mouse in the sorcerer's apprentice segment of fantasia
  6. Gottabrain

    Gottabrain Guest

    Not real enough, CB. Can you stop the cult abuses now? :no:
  7. Moosejewels

    Moosejewels Patron Meritorious

    :biggrin: "You are one of us. One of the chosen ones. One of the elite. The creme de la creme. Together, we can save humanity for all time" - "Now, clean out your bank account, give the cash to me, and go clean the shitters" ! :biggrin:
  8. still here

    still here Patron with Honors

    What a good thread.. what drove me nuts! A long time ago but a few points from my history....
    a) The dismissal of human feeling (I was instructed to give up my son so as not to cause a "flap")
    b) The lack of care for staff (I didn't mind working hard - but the food/living conditions and very limited family time with children...were very destructive.
    c) The promotion of mass dis-loyalty - the guardians office WW disappearing overnight/The Declaration of Ron's OWN auditor as SP (David Mayo)
    This amazed me - if Ron could be deceived at this level, by his own wife.. (and be PTS without knowing it...) what possible hope was there for the tech or the rest of us! A mockery!
    d) the very idea that open-mindedness and access to everything was dangerous....it should have been empowering (if Scn was right)
    e) Maybe most importantly - no recognition that staff and SO who gave their all should be helped and encouraged for their great dedication - but instead would be vilified and horribly punished for the smallest error...(no expanding sane company would ever do that! - they know the value of loyalty)
    f) The decision to show no empathy with people who truly wanted to contibute but were having huge family problems (most families will not welcome anyone within their ranks joining a "cult" or something with lots of negative press) People should be supported, shown empathy and help - not vilified and charged.. Second thoughts though - maybe this loses people so should be encouraged by the
    Cof S!!:coolwink:
  9. Caliwog

    Caliwog Patron Meritorious

    In my green-on-white days, the most frustrating thing was the slavish adherence to the bits of tech that clearly limited our growth, and the need to find excuses for what *we* did wrong when it was clearly a limitation of the tech.

    You can't imagine how many brilliant ad ideas we (my wog teammate and I) had to trash because of the idiotic Seven Points of an Ad.

    LRH was a great huckster with his "find out what people need and then tell them you have it" marketing scheme, but in some other areas he was laughably ignorant. One of the funniest bits of the tech I remember is when he picks apart a cigarette ad that shows a couple of people sledding in the snow. "What are they selling? They're selling snow!" LRH proudly declared. No, you stupid fat fuck, they're selling a lifestyle. I remember that ad - Newport, Alive With Pleasure! - and judging by the number of people who willingly shortened their lives buying that particular brand of cancer stick, it apparently worked. That was one of the early clues that LRH might not be the genius my Scientology co-workers said he was.
  10. Gottabrain

    Gottabrain Guest

    :roflmao: :roflmao: :thumbsup:

    Cali, I love your blog, your style of writing, and the simple, cutting way you get the truth across with a great sense of humor.
  11. Idle Morgue

    Idle Morgue Gold Meritorious Patron

    It was a slow and grinding realization. The more I went up the Ridge to Total Freedom, the more I found this group cold, calculating criminals! Everything became so predictable. I really saw the delusion that the staff were living in. All that mattered were STATS, getting every dime from everyone and who cares how they are effected. It was clear at the MORGUES: PEOPLE ARE HUNKS OF MEAT (similar to the Psychs).:omg:

    Doing Scientology is like an ONION! It has some value on the outside, but as you peel the layers off - it is ROTTEN TO THE CORE!!!:angry:

    Nothing made sense anymore and I felt like I was going nuts! :unsure: I had never felt this way EVER in my life. The staff are totally out of touch with any reality except a wallet or a credit card. They are totally stupid and clueless. THEY DON'T KNOW IT! :no:

    I was told that it is "in me" and they are just running it out????? This was the catalyst that made me LOOK :look:
    :think: DON'T THINK!!!!
    Since I have been out for 4 plus months or so, I am feeling more and more NORMAL. My power is coming back, my ability to see the truth. It is AWESOME!:happydance:
  12. Stat

    Stat Gold Meritorious Patron

    And then you will become an ex/former member, hopefully.

    And start rediscovering life, love, making real friends and
    being a bit wiser in overall.

    What a great comment, Claire! Thank you. :goodposting: :hug:
  13. Opter

    Opter Silver Meritorious Patron

    Yes,life is so much better outside.:thumbsup::thumbsup::thumbsup::thumbsup: and it gets better most of the time.:yes::yes::yes:

  14. GreyLensman

    GreyLensman Silver Meritorious Patron

    Great post Claire.

    That's exactly right. Perhaps the first dissonance anyone experiences - complete, examiner, success story, examiner, bookstore officer, reg...

    And you are no longer extroverted and keyed out but keyed in and certain you NEED that next level <fix>.

    Some parts are so shiny though. Like the first time in session for ARCU CDEINR , as either PC or auditor - that was magic. That made me certain this stuff could change the planet - and it was passed off as a minor trick, not important, just getting ready to do real work.

    When RUDS were perhaps the best thing about any session I ever had.

    I remember a process in life repair of splitting attention across matches, first one and then a second and the first and then a third and the second and the first. Basic stuff. Workable. Powerful. Promises kept so the rest could be broken and trashed.
  15. uniquemand

    uniquemand Unbeliever

    Ruds are impressive in impact, when done properly, I agree. In fact, I consider the approach using the Grades without doing a good, thorough "life repair" to be major "out tech". Pushing the grades is DUMB. People will reach for them if you deliver them a great life repair. You don't need to sell sessions. That's the sad part. People who need one will ask for one. For me, the trick is to try to STOP people from dropping into session with me.

    Perhaps I learned the TRs too well.
  16. GoNuclear

    GoNuclear Gold Meritorious Patron

    I was never staff, just public. At one point, that was as a result of being totally unavailable for staff, but, throughout my Scientological experience, I also had an instinct about NOT joining staff, feeling that it would have been a massive drag. My instincts on that were totally right.

    As far as what drove me nuts as a public ... I would say the worst of it was being redged. Then there was being pulled off course to be redged. There was also being made wrong in redge cycles. After anything and everything to do with being redged, there was ethics, followed by KR's.

    Of course, it all came down from the top, so let my sing my hymn to the HubTurd here:

    PHUG HIM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  17. FoTi

    FoTi Crusader

    I thought RUDS were the cats meow!

    Also found Dianetics to be kind of magical....for a while, anyway.

    What is that thing about splitting attention that you are referring to? I don't remember that. What was that process called?
  18. no, they are quite real enough. we are in truth spiritual beings with profound transcendant potentials which can be turned into abilities which can manifest in the material world.

    as to stopping the cult abuses, i'm all in favor of it. i start by not committing them myself and i commenced that program when i was active. it should be noted many people here feel a bitter antipathy toward the whole subject because they themselves "drank the koolaid" and confess (thank you) to having committed them as well. i'm no better than they, i merely had the good fortune to have some very special preparation which served to innoculate me against the common diseases of esoteric inquiry.

    but to all you aesopian foxes, the grapes are not sour. they are very very sweet
  19. BardoThodol

    BardoThodol Silver Meritorious Patron

    Speaking for myself, I was nuts to begin with.

    Scientology had nothing to do with it. I don't give the cult that much credit. Nor do I give LRH that much altitude over my thinking.

    And, although life has provided enough learning experience to allow me to formulate an orderly facade, beneath it all, I'm bat-shit crazy.

    And enjoying the hell out of it.
  20. Gottabrain

    Gottabrain Guest

    With all due respect to your beliefs.....


    We all have individual paths, individual challenges, strengths and weaknesses. Perhaps some have certain spiritual potentials as part of their paths.

    They are all severely limited by the very act of being part of this physical universe. As exterior as anyone gets, they are still connected to the body, to the universe, still have to come back and eat, sleep. Still succumb to disease or broken down body parts, still have problems. Until death.
    Not so very "OT" after all.

    Yes, our minds can go anywhere. That's the beauty of imagination. We can even intend whatever we imagine.

    Accomplish whatever we intend HERE? Some do. Statistically, some always will. Math is a law of this universe, too. If we stay realistic and plan properly, yes, we can accomplish what we intend. That's not OT. That's normal.

    If we are not realistic or don't plan properly, we run the risk of accomplishing very little outside our imaginations.

    You are welcome to your views, though, Commander Birdsong.

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