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Certificate Software

Discussion in 'General Scientology Discussion' started by Alex P. Keaton, Aug 28, 2019.

  1. Some years ago, in the "golden age of video stores", I read a story about a video store that would give you a certificate for "surviving" a series of really, really bad movies. Present your receipts that proved you rented them, and they would give you a funny certificate for "surviving" them.

    Has anyone ever made up some funny or sarcastic certificates for "surviving" any of the various CO$ lectures, congresses or services?

    Can I still get software to make certificates? There used to be a number of software titles for less than $20 (children could give their father a "World's Greatest Father" certificate for Father's Day for example). Can I still get software for this that runs on Windows 7? (I refuse to go to Win10.)

    I could make the certificate say any funny thing I want. I could give myself a certificate -- for "the heroic action of surviving Hubbard's interminable drivel contained in the Clearing Course", or anything else. EDIT: A watermark, perhaps LRH's head (or the Dianetics/SCN double triangle symbol) or maybe even clipart (used sparingly) could enhance the seriousness, humor, etc. of this certificate.

    Heck, I could even make a phony Clear Certificate if I felt like it. I could even attest to OT 9 and 10 !!! (I also refuse to use Roman numbers.)

    If I write down a list of phrases in a word processor about the wonderful achievement I have achieved, and another list about how bad the CO$ course, lecture or service was, I could make a whole set of certificates.

    Has anybody ever tried this?

    ANOTHER EDIT: Using Goldenrod-color paper (and some trumped-up offenses), I could even make my own declare. Other people, who were in the CO$ (I never was) could get some nice closure by printing fake declares too !!!

    (This is similar to the T-shirt that says "I spent $350,000 on Scientology and all I got was this lousy T-shirt". I always wanted to have one of those printed up too. Perhaps I'll design something for cafepress and have some shirts printed one of these days.)
    Last edited: Aug 28, 2019
    Infinite, AnonyMary, lotus and 2 others like this.
  2. Dulloldfart

    Dulloldfart Squirrel Extraordinaire

  3. lotus

    lotus stubborn rebel sheep!

    i think if you design t-shirts, caps and stickers to make signs, and make them promoted on WWP as well as here , people would buy some.

    Also, some stuff designed for never in and to take advantage of the Scientology Bad pr in the media's.
    AnonyMary likes this.
  4. pineapple

    pineapple Silver Meritorious Patron

    This is off topic, but why the aversion to Roman numerals?

    You're not the first person I've run into who feels this way. I had a sociology professor who, anytime I used Roman numerals, crossed them out and rewrote them in red as arabic numerals! Aside from that we got along great.
    Last edited: Aug 29, 2019
  5. The regular, Arabic numbers we have today are clearly superior. How do you do long division with them? Where do Roman numbers have the concept of "i", the square root of negative one, which I think is used in engineering? Do they have the concept of "e" (used in finance IIRC), which is 2.7182818284590459045904590?

    Roman numbers take time and effort to decode. Whether it is an old movie or TV program, I have to stop and convert it to "regular" numbers to figure out when the program was made. And why does the Super Bowl continue to use Roman numbers? It makes no sense to me. The Roman Empire is dead. Our number system is superior. Let's get into the twenty-first century here.

    Also, lots of letters can confuse people -- possibly sometimes this is done on purpose. Can you tell me where the Harley-Davidson FLXHTLGBTQ fits into their product lineup? (Okay, I made that model up, but I think I have a valid point here.)
  6. pineapple

    pineapple Silver Meritorious Patron

    Alex, you clearly have overts in this area. What are your crimes? :biggrin:
  7. In my previous post, change the following:


    The regular, Arabic numbers we have today are clearly superior. How do you do long division with Roman numbers?

    My crimes include having common sense, thinking for myself, having a great work ethic, an independent streak and being frugal. Clearly I'm not CO$ material.

    These traits do have a positive side. I just finished a rear-end brake job on my neighbor's 2004 Acura at 3 AM. Two hours later, I e-mailed him about fixing MULTIPLE broken studs and lugnuts for less than $50 by doing the labor ourselves (I did the same exact work on my 2001 Saturn about 90 days ago). Saving big $$$ around the house is just one benefit of these personality traits.
    Last edited: Sep 1, 2019
  8. pineapple

    pineapple Silver Meritorious Patron

    No one is suggesting doing long division with Roman numerals.

    The "What are your crimes?" was a joke, in case that wasn't obvious, a feeble joke at that, and not appropriate for a never-in, I guess.

    Common sense, thinking for yourself, having a great work ethic, an independent streak and being frugal do NOT disqualify you as CO$ material. If you think that you're mistaken.

    While I was in scn I worked harder than I ever have in my life. Most of the time I had a staff job plus a "wog" job which I needed to survive, since my staff job paid me little or nothing. I worked over 70 hours a week. Sea Org of course work much longer. Frugal? Hell, I had to be to survive.

    I would say that thinking for yourself and an independent streak are more likely to predispose you to GET INTO scn than to stay out of it, as you need something of an independent streak to try something a little different and perhaps a little "kooky." Scn tells you at first that you don't need to accept anything on faith and "what's true in scn is only what you have experienced for yourself." If anyone had told me I was going to have to take anything on faith I would never have hung around.

    If you think we were a bunch of weak-minded followers with no common sense and a shitty work ethic, then IMO you really don't get it.
  9. Well, perhaps other aspects of "common sense" will disqualify me; perhaps I did not communicate them well in my earlier posts. I was raised in a church-going household. And I hate to sound like that mail carrier from "Cheers" (played by John Ratzenberger) but I've been dominated by my mother for far too long (so I don't want to be dominated now by a high-control group). I am also on the autism spectrum (poor use of time, there's no way they're gonna work me 100 hours/week -- threaten me with the RPF and I'll use violence as I head for the door). And I've seen con artists (who remind me of the fake "black reparations tax credit" in the US) and dubious religious people come and go (I drive by the headquarters of William Branham Ministries sometimes on my way to/from work, and I remember Jim Jones, the socialist cult leader who said he was the second coming of Jesus Christ who suicided his cult in Guyana). Oh, and I remember conspiracy theorist John Todd from the "Satanic Panic" of the early 1980s.

    There are many reasons why I am not CO$ material (including my net worth!). Perhaps this post does not even explain things well. Perhaps the reasons are too many to list here. But trust me. I'm immune from the empty promises of the CO$.

    No, I don't think that. CO$ members joined with fine motives and worked very hard to make the world a better place with LRH "technology". But somehow they did not have the inoculation I have. (I have a copy of "Kingdom of the Cults" on my bookshelf, not that that proves anything about me. And I beat cancer with a bone marrow transplant, so any medical nonsense, like the "Purif", will immediately destroy the cult's credibility.)
    Last edited: Sep 2, 2019
    Little David likes this.
  10. pineapple

    pineapple Silver Meritorious Patron

    If you're not CO$ material, that's good. What upset me was the implication that the qualities you named that "disqualified" you for scn were lacking in those who ended up in it, which is not the case.

    Anyone with access to the internet can see immediately that scn has 99.9999% negative reviews. The internet is the greatest inoculation there is against scn. It is a relatively recent innovation which did not exist when many of us got involved.
  11. Well, gee. I certainly didn't mean to imply that. I'm usually pretty good in print. But that post was a "rush job". The post above (post #9) is really more what I wanted to say. It is "spot on".

    (And the "net worth" comment is not really about my net worth. It is because I see CO$ as being like North Korea -- a few at the top have billions, and everyone else is living in squalor. That does not inspire me to donate to them, since it seems wasteful as it won't help the "regular people".)