ESMB has entered archive mode. All posts and threads that were available to the general public are still readable. The board is still searchable. 

Thank you all for your participation and readership over the last 12 years.

If you want to join in the conversation, please join the new ESMB Redux at www.exscn2.net.



"Coming Out" as an ex-scientologist

Discussion in 'General Scientology Discussion' started by Dennis, Mar 2, 2010.

  1. Dennis

    Dennis Patron

    Hi everyone.

    I am a 30yo gay ex-scientology kid. I spent the first decade of my life running around sydney org (castlereagh st) in the 80's with my sister. At the time my father and brother and sister from my father's first marriage were in the SO and my mother on day staff. My half sister is still fully entrenched in the org, though is now off staff and concentrating her efforts on her OT levels, funded by my SP declared father. Even though my father has been ex-communicated since the 90's he still fully believes in Scientology and his goal is to get all of his kids up the bridge (whether we want to or not!). Carmel I am sure you would remember my family. I definitely remember your name from my days in the org.

    I realised I was gay from a very young age. I remember going through Dianetics looking up homosexuality and reading that who I was, was an aberration according to LRH and everyone around me. It did not make me feel good and I quickly learned not to discuss it both in the auditing room and out. I managed to get through the main part of my teens without it being "handled."

    It was only into my mid teenage years did I begin to become more comfortable and express my sexuality a little more. Unfortunately, my father (who I was living with at the time) did not look onto this as well as I hoped. As a result, I was asked by him to try things out with a woman or move out. I took the option of moving out by myself at the age of 16-17yo. this was a bit of a blessing, as I not longer had to go on course or have auditing (these were always a replacement for talking about our problems in our family, not to mention the bane of my life).

    A number of years later, my sister in the SO started contact with me again and i basically told her I was gay. She responded with "you know that can be handled." Not wanting a confrontation and knowing how entrenched in scientology she was, I simple said "I know" and "I like who I am." When you are gay, that is who you are, and very few gay people, including myself, would want to be different in my opinion. Even if they had the choice of choosing to be straight or gay, the large majority in my opinion would still choose to be gay.

    I have just come out of a 10year monogomous relationship (yes there are many gay relationships based on love not just sex) in which I kept very much to myself and used the opportunity to grow and sort out the problems associated with Scientology. I have recently begun to cultivate new friendships and relationships and having a bit of difficulty deciding when, how and possibly if I should broach the subject of my ex-scientology past. Obviously this is not a subject entirely unique to gay friendships/relationships but it would be nice to hear from guys that have experience from this angle as well as other viewpoints.

    My family is very much dysfunctional because of scientology, none of us talk very often (even after numerous attempts to resurrect a "family"), and none offer emotional support so friendships would be a key area for me. I still have contact and support from my ex-partner who is aware of my history, so more of the same from other areas would be very nice. It would be very nice to be open and honest about it all, instead of feeling the need to hide it.

    I would be very much interested in everyones experiences with "coming out" as an ex-scientologist :)

    thanks

    Dennis
     
  2. Welcome Newbie!

    Welcome Dennis!

    I'm glad you're out, in both ways! Welcome to the board, there are a lot of nice people here, and some interesting discussions...I'm glad that you are joining us! :)
     
  3. Smilla

    Smilla Ordinary Human

    Welcome :)
     
  4. Dennis,
    kudos.

    I can't speak for either of your experiences personally, but I do live in a small town and I've seen issues regarding orientation tear people apart. It's like you said, it's who you are and no one has the right to shun you for it.
     
  5. Kathy (ImOut)

    Kathy (ImOut) Gold Meritorious Patron

    Welcome, Dennis.
     
  6. skollie

    skollie Silver Meritorious Patron

    Welcome Dennis!

    I'd broach it the same way anyone else would about their past involvement in churches/religions. - It's not something that's generally discussed right of the bat. I don't view it as a confession or something that must be told, but rather something shared once a solid friendship/relationship has developed.
     
  7. Mest Lover

    Mest Lover Not Sea Org Qualified

    :welcome: Dennis, enjoy your freedom here, it is an amazing community here that helps. Read lots, Search for what you haven't read yet and read that. Post and expect the wide variety of info that is a part of the board.
     
  8. Feral

    Feral Rogue male

    Welcome Dennis,

    Gone are the days when gays and lesbians have to hide their sexual preference.

    Now we're in the days where ex-Scientologists have to hide their past.:duh:

    Things have come a long way. :)
     
  9. Wisened One

    Wisened One Crusader

    :welcome2: Dennis!

    Thank you for sharing your story :) Glad you are 'out' in all ways, too! :yes: And btw, you're in the right place to find friends (old and new). Look forward to hearing more.
     
  10. greebly

    greebly Patron with Honors

    ^^^That^^^

    Hugs
    Greebly
     
  11. AlphOhm

    AlphOhm Traveler of time/space

    Hi Dennis and welcome. N00b here,too.
     
  12. Anonycat

    Anonycat Crusader

    Good on ya, Dennis! Welcome to the real world and ESMB! :yes:
     
  13. The Great Zorg

    The Great Zorg Gold Meritorious Patron

    Welcome! :)

    I can't imagine how you handled being involved with such a, to use hubbard's own words: "chew the wallpaper type", homophobic goof like hubbard and sadly, all of his minions. You must be pretty tough and have developed some keen coping skills.

    You are who you are (or were created to be)! Nobody can take that away from you. The best rebuttal to any homophobe is to ask them if they truly believe that a gay or lesbian choses their sexual preference. Sometimes one might have to point out that most homosexuals are keenly aware that they are different from a very young age, especially when discussing this issue with scientologists, Christians, Muslims or even Falun Gong followers.

    Fight for your right to be happy - we are all human spirits and we all need to love and to be loved.

    Best wishes.
     
  14. clamicide

    clamicide Gold Meritorious Patron

    Just come out to Portland, where everybody (mostly) couldm't give a damn :) Seriuosly, I had a bit of a freakout when my son came out. Huge fights where my ex blamed it all on me (and now that I'm out of the cult, my son is helping me to face my omni-self--yeah, I'm complicated)
    I just want to reassure you--all the pc folders I read, there was no miraculous "cure". It was one of the things that started me seriiously questioning Scientology. I can't tell you how heartbreaking it is to audit someone who is just waiting for the command that will make them straight..when all you've seen is to the contrary. Monogamous, true, ETHICAL homsexual relationships exist. Fuck Scientology.
     
  15. He-man

    He-man Hero extraordinary

    That must have been a killer, being gay and in the one of the most homophobic places on earth. :no:

    Welcome to ESMB! Hope you enjoy your stay!
     
  16. JBTrendy

    JBTrendy Patron with Honors

    Scientology versus homosexuality

    Hi Dennis and welcome on board.

    This is an interesting topic you're bringing here and though I'm not Gay I'ld like to give you my viewpoint on this specific subject.

    To start with I can imagine how hard for you it might have been to live in such a homophobic environment as the CofS was and is. But to be honest the feeling of sexual frustration was also very high and hard to deal with for straight people too and specifically in the sea org that is so fucking puritan to a French man like me who love girls.

    We all had to abide by the imposed ethic code of the church as laid out by LRH though this was supposed to be personal but in fact seemed as being stuck in the 50's in a very christian western vision of life.

    As you mentioned in your post, Ron was stating very bluntly that homosexuality was a kind of mental illness and that this deviant behaviour could be audited out like every so called perverse or aberrative conduct. strangly enough, I never heard of any Gay who ever got handled or cured with scientology processing. On the contrary there was even this very well known painter called Michael Pattinson who got up to 0T8 and then attacked the Church on the ground that Scientology could never cure him of his homosexuality though he had been promised he would by going up the bridge. Not to speak about one of Ron's kid named Quentin who was Gay and commited suscide in the late 70's. I knew of some other Gays who were onlines for a while but never got very far and left the Church.

    Does this prove that Scientology isn't working or that Ron's was wrong by stating that homosexuality was a bad thing and why not both of the proposition ?

    I don't know if what I'm telling you will be of any help but I'm sure auditors could tell you more on the subject as I'm sure they came across this matter a lot in session with theyr PCs.

    All2U :)
     
    Last edited: Mar 3, 2010
  17. Miss Pert

    Miss Pert Silver Meritorious Patron

    Hello Dennis and welcome to the board. :wave:
     
  18. Carmel

    Carmel Crusader

    G'day matey,

    If I have it right, then I do remember your family and you, very well. I have often thought about your mum, and how she is doing these days.

    I can't help but think of you as the cute little fella you were when I last saw you. I used to think of you as a little "theta ball", and it's warmed my heart to see you here.

    There are quite a few former scios who are gay, who have spoken out about all the crap they copped for being so.....No doubt you'll find it cathartic reading what they have to say, and maybe getting in touch.

    I have much to ask ya, and some things to let you know, but I'll pm you.

    Great to have you here, and welcome to ESMB. :)

    Love,
    Carmel
     
  19. Mystic

    Mystic Crusader

    Hi Dennis. Welcome to ESMB. This is a great place to come out of the fkn cult.
     
  20. HappyGirl

    HappyGirl Gold Meritorious Patron

    :welcome: Dennis! I found that people were fascinated that I got out of a cult, and it made me feel much better about myself to know that. After a while it didn't define me anymore, it was just something that happened. And "Did you know I was in a cult for __ years?" can be a real ice breaker if you're trying to get to know someone. :D