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Done playing by the rules of others.

Discussion in 'New Member Introductions' started by small steps, Jul 16, 2009.

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  1. small steps

    small steps Patron with Honors

    I have been away from the board for a while. Coming to the board and telling my story was hugely benificial for me and I inadvertantly dealt with some deep seated personal issues whilst posting here. The result was that various mechanisms I habitually used to deal with stresses in life were actually blown away. I didn't realise this until I finally had a total break down.
    now I find I have the chance to start again with my life in many ways. I am slowly relearning how to interact with others and how to interact with the world in general. Scientology is not singularly responsible for my innability to deal with life's stresses and problems, but it plays it's part without doubt.

    So to the point.

    My name is Dave Robson.

    I am a musician, though hopefully not full time for much longer.

    I have long term depression.

    Scientology helped me to continue to hide my problems and failed miserably in helping me to deal with them.

    If there truly are people lurking here with bad intentions.... then screw you. I don't care any more. I have no fear of some deluded twat knowing who I am.

    I have now been as low as I can possibly be. I have sought real, professional help. I am now starting a long and challenging journey to turn myself into a regular functioning adult. Not a deluded fool believing dangerous lies created only to fleece me.

    Like I say, no longer playing by the rules laid down by others.

  2. uniquemand

    uniquemand Unbeliever

    Welcome, Dave.

    Glad you've come to terms with things. Glad you're here.
  3. Panda Termint

    Panda Termint Cabal Of One

    Good for you, Dave. :)
  4. Wisened One

    Wisened One Crusader

    :welcome2: OUT into the sunshine, Dave!

    Proud of ya! :thumbsup:

    Feels good out here in the Light, don't it? :yes:

  5. Tim Skog

    Tim Skog Silver Meritorious Patron

    It's good to hear from you.
  6. EP - Ethics Particle

    EP - Ethics Particle Gold Meritorious Patron

    Well OK!

    :wave:Small Steps - but in the right direction!

    Now that shines!:yes: :thumbsup: :clap:

  7. Kathy (ImOut)

    Kathy (ImOut) Gold Meritorious Patron

    Dave, Welcome. And good on ya for seeking professional help. I've done the same. I have an entire thread dedicated to my counseling appointments. Though I didn't post about this weeks appointment. (Can't even use "sessions" when posting about them. LOL!!!) It has been so helpful seeing a counselor.

    I wish you well in your counseling. I know it's doing me a world of good.
  8. Opter

    Opter Silver Meritorious Patron

    Good on ya Dave:thumbsup:

  9. Tiger Lily

    Tiger Lily Gold Meritorious Patron

    (((Dave))) Welcome "out"! I wondered where you had gone! I remembered your story and our chat that night. I'm so sorry that you crashed after posting here, but I can understand how it could happen. I'm so glad that you are back!

    Your post gave me goosebumps and tears. Really got to me for some reason. The sentence above really struck a chord (see I know how to talk to a musician :D)

    I'm so glad you are on the right track now. I know there is good help there and I'm glad that you've found some. What you did in this OP was very courageous. WAY TO GO!! :yes:

  10. degraded being

    degraded being Sponsor

    Good for you.
  11. byte301

    byte301 Crusader

    Glad you're back.

    I've had several friends and family who suffer from depression. Please don't hesitate to try some medication. It's done wonders for the people I know.

    And don't hesitate to post if you need a sholder. Lots of us do on here from time to time.
  12. Megalomaniac

    Megalomaniac Silver Meritorious Patron

    Welcome Dave!

    Sing us a song! :clap: :clap: :clap:
  13. small steps

    small steps Patron with Honors

    Thank you for your responses guys!!!!!!!!!

    I have no idea how good it feels yet to finally admit out loud something that i've known for many years. I spent a couple of days on a ward when I crashed and have been taking some medication for a couple of weeks now. confronting taking that was a MAJOR deal after all these years of scn I can tell you! I am taking a drug called Mirtazapine. Has it helped? well, I don't know. I do know that I am still here and that it was touch and go for a while there. I am not yet seeing a counsellor but I am working with a day treatment group at the hospital that aims to provide coping skills and stratagies. so far I have been looking at some of the work done with regard to Cognative Distortions. The things that pushed me to the point of considering suicide have not gone away, but I seem to be dealing with it slightly better than I was before. I'm not happy yet. I don't really have much idea what that means to be honest. But I am moving forward, slowly, and I have put together some short term plans to help myself get straight.

    I can't tell you enough how much you guys on here have helped me. To know that there are genuine people, with no agenda, who are willing to listen and take time out of thier lives to acknowledge somebody they don't know is an awe inspiring thing and I want you all to know that if I can achieve just the smallest part of that level of compassion then I will have achieved something very precious that scientology doesn't even understand let alone be able to provide.

    I will continue to post on here and try to provide some sort of feed back as to how the medication affects me and how the group therapy helps, if at all. I think this would be helpful for any others who feel that they cant cope with thier situations and will help to show that the world will not end if they seek help and end up taking medication of some description. If others can benifit from knowing what is happening to me and how I am dealing with it then it will help to make the whole thing easier to deal with.

    My heart to all of you.
  14. Carmel

    Carmel Crusader

    And our hearts to you too, Matey - All the best! :thumbsup:
  15. Megalomaniac

    Megalomaniac Silver Meritorious Patron

    What do you like to do that's fun? Do you have (or wish you had) any hobbies?
  16. Tiger Lily

    Tiger Lily Gold Meritorious Patron

    I'm glad you are going to hang around and keep us updated. My guess is that you are not alone and that there are many struggling with similar issues. It's a tough thing to come to terms with depression under regular circumstances. When you throw the churches anti-psych indoctrination on top of it, it becomes an even tougher battle. I think you'll be an inspiration to many.

  17. FinallyFree

    FinallyFree Gold Meritorious Patron

    Dave – welcome back. I am glad you are getting help – I hope it is working for you. I also, like some others here, am getting counseling and am also on medication for “severe depression” and “acute anxiety”. I have been in and out of therapy over the last 2-3 years and have been on medication for about 1 ½ or so now.

    I feel MUCH better. I have been working very hard on this and also realized that this was a life long struggle for me that was only masked by my participation in scientology. Congratulations on being able to search out the help you need. That is a big and often times difficult step to take. Please do post here when you need someone to talk to. This board and it’s contributing members have also been a HUGE help for me in my recovery and if you notice are more than happy to help (as am I).
  18. AnonOrange

    AnonOrange Gold Meritorious Patron

    May I suggest you attend our raids (protests). They're usually fun, but it would be much more fun if we had musicians.

    Laughter, friends, exercise are 50% of your recovery.

    Might be a good time to write some songs.
  19. FinallyMe

    FinallyMe Silver Meritorious Patron

    Thanks for this thread!

    Wow, now this is a real surprise - I have lived with chronic depression since about 1967, and I certainly thought I would be the only one on this board with the problem! I am so glad you opened up and talked about it, Small Steps - somehow I don't feel so incompetent! I took Nortryptaline years ago and got all the way up to feeling content - not happy, but content. Had some counseling from a complete numbskull and didn't continue after my first set of scheduled sessions. I'm pretty sure that having people to talk with who have been there can be valuable, because you know they understand exactly what you're saying. I encourage you to continue with whatever counseling, medication, exercise or anything that works for you, and STAY IN TOUCH WITH FRIENDS! The support group may be the most valuable part of dealing with this!

    If I could give you some good energy to help you get through this, I certainly would. Meanwhile, keep in mind that the Board is open 24/7! I send you a hug.
  20. A.K. Myers

    A.K. Myers Patron with Honors