ESMB has entered archive mode. All posts and threads that were available to the general public are still readable. The board is still searchable. 

Thank you all for your participation and readership over the last 12 years.

If you want to join in the conversation, please join the new ESMB Redux at

Ex FSO Purchaser and Sorry

Discussion in 'New Member Introductions' started by djinn, Jan 10, 2018.

  1. djinn

    djinn Patron

    Hey guys, I wanted to put myself out there. I am Nathan Lord and I am EX FSO, spent a number of years as the FSO Purchaser. My time ended in 2007, so sorry it took so long to get here.

    Was scared for almost my 10 years of leaving, but sites like this as well as all the stuff coming out has made me realise the only power they have is that which I give them.

    I am more then happy to chat with others, and would appreciate reminiscing with old colleagues.
  2. I told you I was trouble

    I told you I was trouble Suspended animation

    Welcome @djinn ... that fear of leaving that you mention is incredible, people who have never been in a cult (or any kind of control based relationship) would find it hard to believe but I recall it well and still love to remember the time (almost 10 years ago) when I decided to free myself from scientology permanently and completely.

    I didn't join ESMB for another 9 or so months after making that decision (I lurked instead) and when I finally did so it was a whole new feeling, one I still feel the joyful effects of to this day.

    I hope you settle in here and enjoy reading threads from the past and joining in current conversations too.

    The_Fixer likes this.
  3. Enthetan

    Enthetan Master of Disaster

    I lurked for a while too before joining the discussion. I was sitting in the "under the radar" zone for a long time before saying "screw it".
  4. Type4_PTS

    Type4_PTS Diamond Invictus SP

    Hey Nathan!

  5. Miss Ellie

    Miss Ellie Miss Ellie

    I had left decades before but being found and recontacted lead me to come here. I used a "name" then changed to my real name.

    Welcome and enjoy. :)
  6. This is NOT OK !!!!

    This is NOT OK !!!! Gold Meritorious Patron

  7. djinn

    djinn Patron

    thanks but I was at FSO only from Feb 2002 to Nov 2007, fell into the purchaser role within a few months of joining.
    Enthetan likes this.
  8. djinn

    djinn Patron

    When I left 10 years ago I was too scared to look for anything, I kept my head down, minor forays into social media, I think it was because I had blown, quite efficiently as well, and had not been tracked down or talked too whilst running. Took me about 5 years before I accepted my first friend request on FB from ex staff that were also disenfranchised with scientology.

    I also can relate to "people who have never been in a cult ... would find it hard to believe but I recall it well and still love to remember the time (almost 10 years ago) when I decided to free myself from scientology permanently and completely" I do not regret my time inside just feel abused now looking back, but have so many fond memories of those times.

    I hope you appreciate this, but funny enough I joined a NGO after leaving the SO, and spent sometime in disaster relief operations where we had security guards, metal detectors on doors, communal houses and buses to take you to the office, even told not to go out 2d with the locals (not in those words), and still life inside was comparably harder, and normal people do not speak to each other like staff do!

    lastly, did you feel like you had PTSD like symptons on leaving? The flash backs, the dreams, the waking up and having to remember you left and are safe? That was what I believe kept me hidden for so long, an Australian Male who has been over influenced by scientology, talking about his feelings! you would have more hope actually going clear!
  9. I told you I was trouble

    I told you I was trouble Suspended animation

    Yes @djinn, many of us have had (and still have) symptoms of what could be some kind of PTSD for years after we left ... I think (in my case anyway) it was worse when I was under stress.

    I think the more you knowingly rid yourself of all that accumulated, rancid cult indoctrination and replace it with simple common sense and a more normal way of thinking (like not immediately wondering "what you did" to "pull something in" whenever the slightest thing goes wrong) the easier it becomes, and also perhaps taking an hour or so to learn relaxation methods can help if that's an issue for you, deep breathing really helped me to lose the feeling of anxiety I experienced whenever I felt under pressure ... but most of all it was all the laughter here at ESMB that pulled me through and that was the reason I joined, I needed to just be allowed to laugh at it all as I flicked it out of my life (and joke and degrade!).

    Keep talking to us, let that stuff out ... there's usually someone around who will know what you are going through and sometimes just writing it down really helps too.
  10. strativarius

    strativarius Inveterate gnashnab & snoutband

  11. Type4_PTS

    Type4_PTS Diamond Invictus SP

    Yes, laughter is very helpful. One can get enormous case gains from reading the Stupid Thread on a regular basis. :D
  12. Lulu Belle

    Lulu Belle Moonbat

    Trying to remember exactly what the Purchaser were in Treasury, right? Div III?

    Did you have to handle the bill collectors?

    Would love to hear stories of your time on staff.
  13. TrevAnon

    TrevAnon Big List researcher

    see signature :)
  14. This is NOT OK !!!!

    This is NOT OK !!!! Gold Meritorious Patron

    For a sec, I thought you were James Bond.

    The real James Bond - wasn't he in Treasury at FSO? Did you know him?

    Nice guy.
  15. The_Fixer

    The_Fixer Class Clown

    Till he took a few pot shots at you?.... :target:
  16. This is NOT OK !!!!

    This is NOT OK !!!! Gold Meritorious Patron


    The real James Bond at FSO was a nice guy. American dude in Finance, if I remember correctly.
  17. MacKenzie

    MacKenzie Patron with Honors

    Hi Nathan,

    I am glad you got out.

    I was suffering PTSD symptoms and was told Dianetics and Scientology could get rid of these symptoms. That was 1975. My symptoms continued to worsen until I was declared in 2001. They have continued to lessen ever since.

    Enthetan and JackStraw like this.
  18. djinn

    djinn Patron

    Yes Div 3 Dept 8, Disbursements. In FSO due to the size of the org I was not responsible for Bill collections or for paying them, I was responsible for gathering the POs and inputting them against there approved FP allocation. (or closest approximation to this)

    I prepare to share more, just getting it all settled down to start to write it down. A lot of memories are surfacing now as I start my next phase of healing :)
  19. djinn

    djinn Patron

    James Bond may have been, but he was in Div 2 if I remember rightly ... we had the boring peeps that were hidden away ... Income (Dept 7) who everyone tried to get away from as they invoiced the money, and Audis (dept 9) who kept the records on the money.

    People only liked Dept 8 when they wanted something ... always the way :)
  20. djinn

    djinn Patron