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Ex-Staff. Here we go!

Discussion in 'New Member Introductions' started by Frankie Greene, Jan 31, 2014.

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  1. Hello everybodyyyy!!! :hattip:


    A family member of mine introduced me to Scientology. I was wary. I read all of the "Black PR" sites. I had heard odd things. I didn't believe everything I read, though. How could a church be so abusive to its members? Although I didn't buy it all, I was still clear on my stance with this particular group - I simply was not interested.


    Fast forward a few years, and myself being a person who had struggled with depression and anxiety and had been through traumas, I was at the point of not knowing what to do anymore. I called my Scientologist family member for help.


    A week later I was on course, seemingly handling things that had plagued me for my entire life. I didn't care about what I had read before. I didn't care about the talk in the halls that I found odd - past lives, going exterior.... I cared that I was getting help, and that I had felt better than I ever had before in my life. I became more curious about the religion.


    Fast forward a few months and I'm signing a five year contract.


    Fast forward a few months and I am getting four or five hours of sleep every night. I have no time for family, friends, or relationships. I have no time to take care of myself.


    Fast forward a few months and I am quitting my job because I can't handle it anymore. I am at the org 60 hours a week.


    Fast forward another few months and I am very dedicated and confused. I don't trust anyone I used to. I become obsessed with finding a way to make it all work out. I become hopeless and unhappy with my own life, I feel my own overts have pulled in everything that keeps me from being happy, I feel the only way of getting to where I want is with Scientology. However, I no longer enjoy post. I am always in trouble because my stats are down. I question too much why processes aren't working, I end up in cramming, I end up in ethics. I don't make many friends at the org. I like people there but everyone seems so fake. On the other side, my wog friends were interesting and smart, but "low-toned" in Scientology's standards. I always have to be in control of my communications. I never cry. I never feel angry. I never feel sad. I just feel pressure, constant pressure, and how tired I feel.


    One night on a drive home, it dawned on me - it was wrong what they were doing. It was wrong to take so much out of me and so much away from me. It was wrong for them to not pay me for all of the high-stress work I was doing, not to mention how "valuable" it was. If it was so valuable, why was I getting $15 a week? I panicked - how would I leave? I knew they would come after me. I knew I would come back. And then snap, I was back in the Scientologist mindset - We were good people, trying to save the planet. I am too smart and stubborn to be in a cult. That's just ridiculous.


    I spent another totally miserable year in the church. I even came into Ethics one day, telling them that I don't believe in any of this anymore! Help me to believe it again! Help me fix whatever it is that I did so that I can believe it and make it right! And they couldn't.


    I don't know what the final straw for me was. In fact, I think there were so many "final straws" that there was literally something in me so SCARED to go back that I physically just could not do it anymore. I was driving to the org one day, and just drove on past.


    Of course that wasn't the end. But I moved and changed my phone number and that stopped most of my contact from Scientologists. I still worry about being tracked down. I still have nightmares.


    I was sleep-deprived, lied to, manipulated, coerced, harassed, guilt-tripped, assaulted, and yelled at.


    And I think I am ready to talk about it.
     
  2. This is NOT OK !!!!

    This is NOT OK !!!! Gold Meritorious Patron

    Epic blast Frankie!

    Welcome to ESMB.

    I admire you for figuring it out so quickly!

    In my case, I carried on for over 30 years before flunking out!
     
  3. Cowsmu?

    Cowsmu? Patron

    Congratulations and welcome!

    You made a good decision.

    You came to the right place!

    :yes:
     
  4. dchoiceisalwaysrs

    dchoiceisalwaysrs Gold Meritorious Patron

    Welcome Frankie

    Big step. I am glad you made it through one of the toughest parts. :happydance:

    Take your time. 'lurk more' which means keep on learning although you already per your story have a lot of insight.

    Just keep in mind...Thursday at 2 is just another hour in the week and there is NO pressure here for you to follow our suggestions, or that you need to over demand of yourself too much. Go at your own pace and adjust it as YOU see fit.

    I happen to have this other site open also at this moment so I will give you the link.

    http://www.culteducation.com/help.html

    Have some fun. Lots of great caring individuals here that you can share ideas and ask for help or suggestions if you care.

    Tell any more of your story as you wish.

    welcome again,

    :hifive:
     
    Last edited: Jan 31, 2014
  5. TG1

    TG1 Angelic Poster

    Welcome, Frankie.

    TG1
     
  6. scooter

    scooter Gold Meritorious Patron

    Welcome to ESMB, FG - this is where people are human again and OSA craps itself regularly:biggrin:

    Been there too, did that for nearly 30 years:duh:

    Waiting for more of your story :drama:

    You DON'T need to CSW anybody to continue, you know:coolwink:

    Just enjoy your freedom from that toxic cult:happydance:
     
  7. AnonKat

    AnonKat Crusader

    I will just leave this here

    original.jpg
     
  8. La La Lou Lou

    La La Lou Lou Crusader

    Don't worry you caught on quickly. So :yes:you're in better shape than you think.

    Welcome back to reality.
     
  9. Lohan2008

    Lohan2008 Gold Meritorious Patron

    :welcome: Glad that you have found the exit, can you tell exsn how long you have been out for ?
     
  10. Intentionally Blank

    Intentionally Blank Scientology Widow

    :welcome: Glad you're here.

    Blanky
     
  11. Axiom142

    Axiom142 Gold Meritorious Patron

    :welcome2:

    Welcome Frankie!

    Talking about it is good. When I first arrived here, I was very confused. I wanted to know what had happened to me and how I managed to get conned so badly. Talking to others who had been through the same stuff helped me hugely. I’m not sure how well I would have survived if I didn’t have ESMB.

    So, it would help you, I think, but also I (and I’m sure many others) would love to hear what it is like in the belly of the beast right now. How are other staff members coping / what is morale like / are the orgs facing imminent financial ruin / do they have any public left etc?

    Axiom142
     
  12. Thank you! I appreciate it! I feel very fortunate to have left when I did! Honestly, it feels amazing to have someone who was in, too acknowledge what I am saying! Thank you!!
     
  13. I have been lurking and can't seem to stop! Haha

    Thank Gourd 2 PM Thursday is only just a time now!

    I will definitely check out that site. Thank you for the welcome!
     
  14. It is SO good to be human again! I will definitely have to tell more of my story as I become braver and stronger in my time away from Scientology. Already I've been greeted with more compassion than I ever was in the church! Yay freedom! Thank you!
     
  15. Operating DB

    Operating DB Truman Show Dropout

    Welcome out Frankie! This is my favorite line from your OP:
    Reading your story was like reading my own scio history for the most part. These stories are like a broken record. I hear the same plot in every one of them. And I never seem to tire of reading about them.

    I too remember the increasing fear and terror of my sentence spent in the cult mind prison. But the good news is the more you untangle yourself from that mindset and learn the truth the more the fear and terror subside into nothing. And then you can start laughing about it (hopefully).
     
  16. It's good to hear that. It is very reassuring! Thank you! It's good to be back!
     
  17. Officially, about six months. I was told I would be declared but have yet to receive my "Golden Ticket." :yes:
     
  18. Free Being Me

    Free Being Me Crusader

    :welcome2: Frankie. Here's to you living life out of the cult. :cheers: Pull up a chair and talk, share, laugh and cry. It's all good, you're out. Here's some basic info on cult recovery.

    :)

    Coming Out Of Scientology

    8 Steps Out Of Scientology
    http://www.lermanet.com/cos/8steps.html
    Charismatic Authority
    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Charismatic_authority
    Dangerous Cult Leaders
    http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/spycatcher/201208/dangerous-cult-leaders
    Identifying Marks Of An Exploitive, Abusive Group
    http://www.exitsupportnetwork.com/artcls/mindctrl/marks.htm
    Jon Atack - Why It’s So Hard To Recover From Scientology
    http://tonyortega.org/2013/06/08/jon-atack-on-why-its-so-hard-to-recover-from-scientology/
    Post-Cult Problems: An Exit Counselor's Perspective
    http://www.icsahome.com/infoserv_articles/giambalvo_carol_postcult_problems.htm
    Profile Of A Sociopath - Cult Leaders
    http://www.exitsupportnetwork.com/artcls/socio.htm
    The Scientological Onion
    http://exscn.net/content/view/178/105/

    Steve Hassan - Freedom Of Mind
    http://freedomofmind.com/index.php
    Mind Control – The BITE Model
    http://www.freedomofmind.com/Info/BITE/bitemodel.php#behavior

    [​IMG]
    Combatting Cult Mind Control: The #1 Best-selling Guide to Protection, Rescue, and Recovery From Destructive Cults
    http://www.amazon.com/Combatting-Cu..._B000APQYV4_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1370833779&sr=1-1

    [​IMG]
    Freedom of Mind: Helping Loved Ones Leave Controlling People, Cults, and Beliefs
    http://www.amazon.com/Freedom-Mind-...=1370833589&sr=1-5&keywords=ex+scientologists

    [​IMG]
    Releasing the Bonds: Empowering People to Think for Themselves
    http://www.amazon.com/Releasing-Bon...bs_sr_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1210702476&sr=8-1
    Books On Cult Mind Control
    http://www.xenu.net/archive/books/cult_etc.html

    Cult Recovery Tools

    Finding a Therapist Who Can Help You Heal
    http://www.helpguide.org/mental/psychotherapy_therapist_counseling.htm
    5 Things to Do When You Feel Insecure
    http://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2013/06/08/5-things-to-do-when-you-feel-insecure/
    CCI Self Help Modules
    http://www.cci.health.wa.gov.au/resources/consumers.cfm
    Cognitive Reframing
    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cognitive_reframing
    Cognitive Reframing - Change Your Thinking
    http://www.positive-thinking-principles.com/cognitive-reframing.html
    Cognitive Restructuring
    http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/in-practice/201301/cognitive-restructuring
    Cognitive Restructuring Aids
    http://www.psychologytools.org/cognitive-restructuring.html
    Cognitive Theory and Addiction (Thoughts, Beliefs, Expectations)
    http://www.dekcsb.org/1408-addictio...y-and-addiction-thoughts-beliefs-expectations
    Empathy
    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Empathy
    Emotional Intelligence
    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Emotional_intelligence
    Emotional Wellness
    http://wellness.ucr.edu/emotional_wellness.html
    Facing Your Feelings
    http://www.cci.health.wa.gov.au/resources/infopax.cfm?Info_ID=54
    Fear, Obligation, and Guilt (FOG)
    http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog...ear-obligation-and-guilt-fog-in-relationships
    Finding Time for Truly Nurturing Yourself
    http://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2012/10/14/finding-time-for-truly-nurturing-yourself/
    Healing Emotional and Psychological Trauma
    http://www.helpguide.org/mental/emotional_psychological_trauma.htm
    Hierarchy of Needs - Abraham Maslow
    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Abraham_Maslow
    New to Mindfulness? How to Get Started
    http://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2013/06/03/new-to-mindfulness-how-to-get-started/
    Personal Boundaries
    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Personal_boundaries
    Personal Core Values And Positive Beliefs
    http://www.inspired-personal-development.com/personal-core-values.html
    Personal Core Values List
    http://www.mypersonalimprovement.com/personalcorevalues.shtml
    Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder
    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Posttraumatic_stress_disorder
    Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder Worksheets & Handouts
    http://www.psychologytools.org/ptsd.html
    Psychology Tools - Free Worksheet Downloads And Therapy Resources
    http://www.psychologytools.org/
    Self-Compassion
    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Self-compassion
    Self-Compassion, A Healthier Way of Relating to Yourself (Videos at link)
    http://www.self-compassion.org/
    Self Development Recovery Techniques
    http://www.empowering-personal-development.com/self-development.html
    Self-Esteem
    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Self-esteem
    Self-Esteem Improvement
    http://www.cci.health.wa.gov.au/docs/SE_Module 6_July 05.pdf
    Self-Image
    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Self_image
    Self Soothe - Distress Tolerance Strategies
    http://www.dbtselfhelp.com/html/self-sooth.html
    The Path To Unconditional Self Acceptance
    http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/evolution-the-self/200809/the-path-unconditional-self-acceptance
    The Power of Patience
    http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/emotional-freedom/201209/the-power-patience
    The 5 Stages Of Loss And Grief
    http://psychcentral.com/lib/2006/the-5-stages-of-loss-and-grief/
    Traumatic Bonding
    http://victimsofpsychopaths.wordpress.com/traumatic-bonding/
    Emotional Attachments in Abusive Relationships: A Test of Traumatic Bonding Theory - PDF (Dutton and Painter)
    http://lab.drdondutton.com/wp-conte...SHIPS-A-TEST-OF-TRAUMATIC-BONDING-THEORY..pdf

    Brené Brown - Listening To Shame (TED Talk)
    [video=youtube;L0ifUM1DYKg]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L0ifUM1DYKg[/video]

    Brené Brown: The Power Of Vulnerability (TED Talk)
    [video=youtube;iEPbkvhPuRk]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iEPbkvhPuRk[/video]

    Jack Kornfield - Compassion
    [video=youtube;I0V3gNf6Ccc]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I0V3gNf6Ccc[/VIDEO]

    Jack Kornfield - The Ancient Heart Of Forgiveness
    [video=youtube;yiRP-Q4mMtk]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yiRP-Q4mMtk[/video]

    Karla McLaren - The Language Of Emotions
    [video=youtube;hVjltYNgU6s]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hVjltYNgU6s[/video]

    Karla McLaren - The Art Of Empathy, Part 1
    http://www.soundstrue.com/weeklywis...5&category=IATE&version=full&loc=weeklywisdom

    Karla McLaren - The Art Of Empathy, Part 2
    http://www.soundstrue.com/podcast/the-art-of-empathy-part-2/

    Kristin Neff - The Space Between Self-Esteem and Self Compassion
    [video=youtube;IvtZBUSplr4]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IvtZBUSplr4[/video]

    Eckhart Tolle - Conversations On Compassion
    [video=youtube;M00VLswZdyc]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M00VLswZdyc[/video]

    Informative Sites

    Ex-Scientologist Message Board
    http://www.forum.exscn.net/forum.php
    Ex-Scientology Kids
    http://exscientologykids.com/
    Ex-Sea Org
    https://sites.google.com/site/xseaorg/
    Lermanet
    http://www.lermanet.com/
    Mark Bunker - YouTube
    http://www.youtube.com/user/xenutv?feature=results_main
    Operation Clambake
    http://www.xenu.net/
    Reaching For The Tipping Point
    http://www.reachingforthetippingpoint.net/
    Surviving Scientology - YouTube
    http://www.youtube.com/user/SurvivingScientology
    The Underground Bunker
    http://tonyortega.org/
    Tory Speaking Freely - YouTube
    http://www.youtube.com/ToryMagoo44
    Why We Protest
    https://whyweprotest.net/community/
    World Cult Watch
    http://worldcultwatch.org/

    Ex-Scientology Books
    (Available at libraries and other outlets)

    A Piece of Blue Sky: Scientology, Dianetics and L. Ron Hubbard Exposed - Jon Atack
    http://www.amazon.com/Piece-Blue-Sk...32747&sr=1-1&keywords=a+piece+of+the+blue+sky
    Bare-faced Messiah: True Story of L.Ron Hubbard - Russell Miller
    http://www.amazon.com/Bare-faced-Me...1370834396&sr=1-1&keywords=bare+faced+messiah
    Beyond Belief: My Secret Life Inside Scientology and My Harrowing Escape - Jenna Miscavige
    http://www.amazon.com/Beyond-Belief-Jenna-M-Hill/dp/0062263439/
    Blown for Good: Behind the Iron Curtain of Scientology - Marc Headley
    http://www.amazon.com/Blown-Good-Cu...70832850&sr=1-1-spell&keywords=blwon+for+good
    Counterfeit Dreams: One Man's Journey Into and Out of the World of Scientology - Jefferson Hawkins
    http://www.amazon.com/Counterfeit-Dreams-Journey-World-Scientology/dp/0615375642/ref=tmm_hrd_title_0
    Going Clear: Scientology, Hollywood, and the Prison of Belief - Lawrence Wright
    http://www.amazon.com/Going-Clear-Scientology-Hollywood-Prison/dp/0307700666/ref=pd_sim_b_4
    Inside Scientology: The Story of America's Most Secretive Religion - Janet Reitman
    http://www.amazon.com/Inside-Scient...70832850&sr=1-2-spell&keywords=blwon+for+good
    L. Ron Hubbard: Messiah or Madman - Bent Corydon
    http://www.amazon.com/L-Ron-Hubbard-Messiah-Madman/dp/0942637577/ref=pd_sim_sbs_b_3
    My Billion Year Contract: Memoir of a Former Scientologist - Nancy Many
    http://www.amazon.com/My-Billion-Year-Contract-Scientologist/dp/0578039222/ref=pd_sim_b_1
    Scientology: Abuse At the Top - Amy Scobee
    http://www.amazon.com/Scientology-A...r=1-1&keywords=Scientology+-+Abuse+At+the+Top
    The Church of Fear: Inside The Weird World of Scientology - John Sweeney
    http://www.amazon.com/Church-Fear-I...d=1370833309&sr=1-13&keywords=lawrence+wright
    The Complex: An Insider Exposes the Covert World of the Church of Scientology - John Duignan
    http://www.amazon.com/The-Complex-Insider-Exposes-Scientology/dp/1903582849/ref=pd_sim_sbs_b_18
    The Scandal of Scientology - Paulette Cooper
    http://www.amazon.com/The-scandal-scientology-Tower-book/dp/B0007AF8KA

    Cult Recovery Concepts To Contrast

    Abuse
    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Abuse
    Bait-and-Switch
    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bait-and-switch
    Betrayal
    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Betrayal
    Cognitive Bias
    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cognitive_bias
    Cognitive Dissonance
    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cognitive_dissonance
    Cognitive Distortion
    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cognitive_distortion
    Coping (psychology)
    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Coping_(psychology)
    Critical thinking
    https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Critical_thinking
    Deception
    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Deception
    Denial
    https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Denial
    Disinformation
    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Disinformation
    Dissociation (psychology)
    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dissociation_(psychology)
    Double Bind
    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Double_bind
    Double Standard
    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Double_standard
    Emotional Blackmail
    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Emotional_blackmail
    Emotional Detachment
    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Emotional_detachment
    False Dilemma
    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/False_dilemma
    Gaslighting
    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gaslighting
    Groupthink
    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Groupthink
    Hypnosis
    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hypnosis
    Identity (social science)
    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Identity_(social_science)
    Indoctrination
    https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Indoctrination
    Loaded Language
    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Loaded_language
    Locus Of Control
    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Locus_of_control
    Love Bombing
    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Love_bombing
    Magical Thinking
    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Magical_thinking
    Milieu Control
    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Milieu_control
    Narcissism
    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Narcissistic
    Operant Conditioning
    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Operant_conditioning
    Peer Pressure
    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Peer_pressure
    Propaganda
    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Propaganda
    Psychological Abuse
    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Psychological_abuse
    Psychological Manipulation
    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Psychological_manipulation
    Self-Deception
    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Self-deception
    Self-Help
    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Self-help
    Self-Serving Bias
    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Self-serving_bias
    Shunning
    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Shunning
    Social Isolation
    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Social_isolation
    Stockholm Syndrome
    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stockholm_syndrome
    Wishful Thinking
    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wishful_thinking
     
  19. Ogsonofgroo

    Ogsonofgroo Crusader

    'Nother :welcome:, yeh, it seems you are telling a story that is all too familiar with many of the fine folks here, also with me and some of the other 'never-ins', its the old Hubbard 'Bait&Switch', thankfully you didn't swallow the hook too deeply, and seem to have spit it out, more power to ya!

    Enjoy your time here, don't be shy, lots of awesome people who have been through the same, some went further, some less, but many are willing and able to open dialogue and share the __________ (name yer poison).

    :heartflower: :beer: & :cake:
     
  20. Something I hear often from friends who I've spoken to about getting in and out of Scientology is "You? I can't believe you were conned so horribly!" Then they comment about my intelligence and open-mindedness. They just don't see how it could have happened. In fact, they tend to think that it must not have been so bad because I am a "smart person" and went along with it "willingly." Personally, some of the most intelligent people I have met were in Scientology. It really has nothing to do with how intelligent someome is. Anyone can be fooled. Everyone has a "ruin" that can be taken advantage of. I am glad to finally be posting here and am overwhelmed by everyone's responses. I'm looking forward to getting more out.

    To answer your questions, things are still continually updated with more "pure tech" from DM. Everyone right now has to re-do many Bridge steps at their own expense, of course. I did hear a rumor that staff pay was increasing, which totally floored me. Staff members at my org coped as it seems they all do - not sleeping, not eating, making less than minimum wage, and still clapping at LRHs picture with enthusiasm. I will say the executives at my org were not yelling, screaming and punishing execs like ones I have read about. Still, the system of "ethics" present still leaves every one of them believing everything that they have not accomplished was somehow "pulled in." I wouldn't have any way of knowing the financial stats of the org these days. Org stats could be crashing but at events everything is always in affluence. It's really hard to say. There were still plenty of div 4 public when I left, but there were not many new members coming in. I hope that answers everything!

    Thanks for being so welcome!