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I went to their door; still free

Discussion in 'Life After Scientology' started by ExElronComm, Nov 25, 2015.

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  1. ExElronComm

    ExElronComm Patron

    In the 28 years since my escape from $cientology they've sought me out. They've come to my door, approached me in public. I've never sought them. Never gone to their door. In my 5 years on staff, LC SNC (LRH Comm Stevens Creek Org) they tried repeatedly to get me to Flag. I knew traveling on their dime meant no $'s were insured and one could be without lodging, without food, and stranded away from home. My LA trips had proven that true. Yesterday, while traveling in FL from CA, I went to their door, I entered that door, and I left there still free. It was a big day for me in my 28 year recovery from the cult. I took Tony Ortega and Miss Lovely with me.

    Last edited: Nov 25, 2015
  2. freethinker

    freethinker Sponsor

    They let you in and didn't escort you out?

  3. ExElronComm

    ExElronComm Patron

    They had no idea who I was. I'd been out front taking pictures for a good 20 minutes before going in. I asked if I could look around. Receptionist said not here but I could at another location and she gave me a card for their information center down the road. Security guy was was back by a hallway. Before I left I stopped to see what I could see from the reception area. Security then moved to within a couple feet from me by the reception desk. I stalled a couple more minutes then left. Spent another 20 minutes walking around the property taking more pictures before leaving. Security was out and about watching me and family waiting in the car but never said a word to any of us.
  4. Dulloldfart

    Dulloldfart Squirrel Extraordinaire

    Good for you. :)

  5. freethinker

    freethinker Sponsor

    Did you have Miss Lovely in your hands while in there?
  6. ExElronComm

    ExElronComm Patron

    Miss Lovely is the Kindle edition on my iPad. She was in my purse when I went in. However, when moving her around to different locations when taking pictures I noticed a guy in uniform come within a few feet to empty an already empty garbage bin. He could see her. He showed nothing in his demeanor (Insert cult speak here.) when he looked at her and then at me. He fiddled with nothing for a few more minutes then left. There were also the ever present security cams. (Not as obtrusive or ugly as those in LA.) I feel that they knew Miss Lovely was with me before I went in. Unless I was just being paranoid in an extremely paranoid environment. :confused2:
  7. freethinker

    freethinker Sponsor

    The Truth is, many people in and on staff probably wouldn't know who Miss Lovely is if you pulled out the book and showed them. It the disconnection thing, it not only applies to people but to the outside world as well and what goes on in it.

  8. JustSheila

    JustSheila Crusader

    That is so cool, exElroncon! What a great Thanksgiving post. :thumbsup: :clap: :clap: :clap:

    Was it empowering to you?

    Did you feel your heart and mind let go of some sort of inner tension, like you didn't even know it was there?

    That's how I felt at my first protest.
  9. ExElronComm

    ExElronComm Patron

    Just prior to spring of this year I decided to go south and visit family. Two of them live in Clearwater. I mentioned that I'd like to go downtown and sea the new SP, ironic, building. I'd had much time to consider the visit.

    I've posted previously about the physical responses; fully body shaking, vision greying in and out, getting lightheaded, that happens when I speak out about the cult. I've since read and listened to Jon Atack speak about cognitive dissonance and physical reactions. Having this information has helped ease it but it still occurs. Having those reactions when I got to the SP building was a big concern for me.

    Driving from their place toward downtown I got my first glimpse of the SP building and felt the inner beginnings of the tremors. As we got closer and I could see the SP better they got worse.

    My first impression of the building from a distance and from the side where we parked; it was a square block with square blocks on it and attached to it. Someone had attempted to give it some style with some decorative edges on the blocks. My first feelings about it; I felt assaulted that it even exists.

    Before coming I thought, "they call themselves a church". Churches all over the world have people that come to them to take pictures of their beautiful buildings, inside and out. If they're going to call themselves a church they too should expect this.

    We parked curbside on Garden facing the SP and Franklin. It's on the side where the buses pick up and drop off. I got out of the car, crossed Franklin to the SP where I walked slowly past people waiting for the next bus. Slowly partly due to my body tremors which make it hard not to walk like a zombie. Slowly mostly because I wanted to be there in the moment. When I left I wanted having been there to be real, and felt, and bigger to me than the time I'd spent being in.

    I walked to the first corner, a cut out corner with a cement rounded bench to sit and a garden behind it. I looked up at the cross. My first thought was it's meaningless. Simply meaningless. My second thought got me laughing. "I joined a religion started by a science fiction writer that used a double cross as it's symbol, and then they tried to sell me a bridge.....what could have possibly gone wrong?" Thank you Clamicide.

    I started taking pictures of the cross and the building walking toward the over street enclosed walkway between the SP and The Fort Harrison. That made me think about the tunnel under the highway at Gold. The Fort Harrison made me think about the horror stories out of there and Lisa McPherson.

    When I got to the next corner and saw the main entrance area with the cult symbol embedded in the pavement I had to laugh again. Big mistake on their part. They put that on there like it was some hallowed ground. Instead it felt like tomb cover. Absolutely I wanted to walk all over that! It'd be like dancing on an enemy's grave! I got my iPad out of my purse and pulled up Miss Lovely. I set her here and set her there. I set Miss Lovely everywhere! And got pictures.

    I realized then that I was not afraid of them. It wasn't an overwhelming realization. It was calming and serene. I have every right to speak out and tell my story. We have freedom of speech and my life has a story. If they didn't want to be a part of my story then they should never have come to my door 34 years ago. I wasn't shaking anymore. Tremors were gone. I set Miss Lovely in the middle of the symbol and got another picture.

    I put Miss Lovely in my purse, walked up the steps, opened and walked through their door.

    That encounter is posted above. What I didn't say about that is this. The only person who looked me in the eyes the entire time I was at the SP, and only for a few seconds, was the receptionist. All of them seemed cowed, seemed afraid. Public and staff. What I'd felt for many years being out was now reversed. The fear was on their side. The fear of me, of us, of anyone on the outside. And I remembered that same fear when I was in. But I also remembered that that fear became a fear of the organization and the people I was in with until I was more afraid to stay than to leave.

    As much joy as I was feeling at what I was doing for myself that day, I felt equal sadness for those I saw and most, but not all, who are still in.

    As for the SP itself, even without bars, it looks like a fancied up prison building. As it should.

    The moral of this story is; there are so many exes and critics that the cult can't know us all by face. The majority of us can be a picture taking tourist and walk into any of their buildings. The receptionist pulled out the previously posted about Information Center card as if she'd done it before. It's a free souvenir. The only free thing I ever got from the cult.

    All along the way that day what was more real, and bigger, and more felt than my time in was my time out. My time since the early '90's finding exes online, all of the books read and You Tube videos seen and posts here and on Facebook and Twitter over the years. I had more people with me, supporting me, that day than could be seen. Thanks to all of you.
  10. Glenda

    Glenda Crusader

    :) :clap: :) :clap:

    I like your choice of companions for your big day out. :yes:

    Walked in the door, free. Walked back out the door, free. Nice! I can imagine how empowering that must have felt. Very very happy for you. :)
  11. I told you I was trouble

    I told you I was trouble Suspended animation

    It seems incredible that anyone should actually get negative physical responses (body shaking etc) when going near scientology buildings but I absolutely know what you mean ExElroncomm ... I still feel physically awful if I even think about going into one of those organisations and I never want to spend time with a scientologist ever again.

    I used to feel what I now believe was a kind of suppressed terror even when I was still in whenever I went into an "org" ... I could not wait to get out, get home and take a shower to wash it all off me.

    What was that about?

    I know logically that I'm being ridiculous, they're just people and a building is just a building but the stress and pressure was always so constant that I recall having to steel myself and slap on the phony cult smile as I walked in ... I just feel such relief knowing that I NEVER have to go there again or be with those people or talk that pointless talk.

    Thanks for mentioning that physical response, I feel better knowing I wasn't the only one but am surprised at the reaction it had on me (just now) as I recalled it.
  12. JustSheila

    JustSheila Crusader

    Dear ExElronComm,

    Our own Sallydannce went through something very similar to what you and ITYIWT experienced. (Glenda, care to elaborate? :coolwink:)

    When you have time, I'm sure you'll want to read this. It is a heart-rending, well-written story of one who has suffered both the physical and emotional effects of Scientology and came through the other side.

    Our Glenda has quite a talent and has shared with us the moment-by-moment experiences that so many of us have been unable to describe.

    I'm sure you'll find her story spellbinding, but her gift of hope, joy and compassion even more touching.

    It is my favourite story, and I'm sure this is true for dozens of others here. It is unique. You'll see. :yes:

    Hugs to you, my friend, and wishing you all that truly shines on your personal path, now your own again. :bighug:

    “All that is gold does not glitter,
    Not all those who wander are lost;
    The old that is strong does not wither,
    Deep roots are not reached by the frost.

    From the ashes a fire shall be woken,
    A light from the shadows shall spring;
    Renewed shall be blade that was broken,
    The crownless again shall be king.”

    J.R.R. Tolkien, The Fellowship of the Ring

    Here is the link to Sallydannce's story:
  13. Enthetan

    Enthetan Master of Disaster

    Body shaking is a recognized symptom of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. And being in Scientology can be pretty traumatic for many, even years later.
  14. TrevAnon

    TrevAnon Big List researcher

    Hi ExElronComm,

    Good thing you started this thread. It led us big list researchers at WWP to finding your 2013 post:!&p=782434&viewfull=1#post782434.

    Back then, I mentioned I was sure that it would be picked up. Boy, was I wrong. :duh:

    However, I'm happy to say you now - finally, after 32 months - have been added. :yes:

    Sometimes Anonymous takes, err..., a little time to deliver. Sorry about that. :biggrin:
  15. Armadildo

    Armadildo New Member

    congratulations EEC, you've disproved yet again the vaunted 'tech' of ferreting out suppressives.
  16. I told you I was trouble

    I told you I was trouble Suspended animation


    Is that you?

  17. Armadildo

    Armadildo New Member

    it's Ar m'lady

  18. I told you I was trouble

    I told you I was trouble Suspended animation

    Lol, I know ... a member called Al (Alanzo) used a pic of an Armadillo as his avatar years ago (not an Armadildo, though I believe he may have been called one occasionally).

    Welcome to ESMB (whoever you are).

  19. ExElronComm

    ExElronComm Patron


    I just got back from my FL trip to find this. I'm very excited! The time it's taken to add my name to the big list is no matter. Actually, the timing couldn't be better. This is the perfect icing on my 'recovery from $cientology' cake.

    Thank you.

  20. Lulu Belle

    Lulu Belle Moonbat

    My mother lives in Dunedin.

    Every time I go there, I think I should take the 10 minute drive to the FH and look at the SP building.

    I never do.

    I don't really understand why, scares me.

    My paranoia still runs deep.