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It's time to tell my story...

Discussion in 'Stories From Inside Scientology' started by Nicole, Jan 28, 2011.

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  1. This is NOT OK !!!!

    This is NOT OK !!!! Gold Meritorious Patron

    Me too!
     
  2. Arthur Dent

    Arthur Dent Silver Meritorious Patron

    Nicole,
    You have a lot of friends here. Your story is a strong message to others.
    It is worthwhile that you write it and I thank you.
    I hope you are ok and have have some in real life friends you can also talk to! :heartflower:
     
    Last edited: Feb 6, 2011
  3. Nicole

    Nicole Silver Meritorious Patron

    Thank you very much for your support. It is nice to read it and it helps.:yes:




    It wasn't good for my father... No, it wasn't :no:

    I will tell more, when I can... :yes:
     
  4. Nicole

    Nicole Silver Meritorious Patron

    I am very carefull with friends and new friendships, but I am having some friends I can talk too...:yes:
     
  5. Nicole

    Nicole Silver Meritorious Patron

    Final Part

    Als mein Bruder etwa 1 Jahr alt war, betreute ich ihn an meinen Besuchswochenenden und kümmerte mich mit um den Haushalt. Manchmal bekam ich dafür Zuwendung in Form von Gesprächen mit meinem Vater. Jedoch war die Zeit, die wir zusammen verbrachten sehr gering. Aber ich fühlte mich immer wohl, wenn wir uns unterhielten. Ich fühlte mich wichtig und Erwachsen. In den Gesprächen drehte es sich u.a. um Scientology und um meine Zukunftsplanung.

    Mein zweiter Bruder wurde geboren. Ich erfuhr von der Geburt durch eine Verwandte, die mich dann ohne meinen Vater zu Fragen mit in das Krankenhaus nahm. Jedoch änderte sich nicht viel. Wenn ich zu Besuch war, kümmerte ich mich um die Kinder oder um den Haushalt. Ich betreute meine Geschwister nach Hubbard Richtlinien. Es fanden für mich keine bzw. nur ganz selten Besuche in der Org statt.

    Während meiner Pubertät wurde für mich das Leben in der „Normalen“ Welt zu einem Problem. Ich suchte überall verzweifelt Scientologen (es gab ja angeblich so viele). Ich habe aber in meinem Freundesreis oder Umgebung nie welche gefunden. Meine Freunde probierten sich aus. Sie tranken Alkohol und feierten. Nach meiner Auffassung war das
    alles falsch und verboten. Manchmal machte ich mit, aber ich hatte hinterher ein schlechtes Gewissen. Ich zog mich mehr und mehr von meinen Freunden zurück. Aber auch in der Scientology Welt war ich nicht wirklich zu Hause, dafür waren die Kontakte zu gering. Ich schwebte zwischen diesen beiden Welten, war nirgendwo zu Hause und ich war nicht in der Lage mich selbst zu finden und mich auszuprobieren. Es war für mich eine sehr einsame Zeit. So gingen irgendwie die Jahre dahin...

    Mit 18 wechselte ich die Schule, weil ich später ein Studium beginnen wollte. Dies war mit meiner alten Schulform nicht möglich.

    In meiner neuen Schule hatten wir eine sehr gute Klassengemeinschaft, in der ich mich gut aufgehoben fühlte und ich habe in der Zeit viel nachgeholt. Viele Dinge, die ich mich in der Pubertät nicht getraut habe. Ein paar Jahre später begann ich zu studieren und ich fing neben dem Studium eine Tätigkeit in einer Behörde an. Ich kann mich nicht mehr erinnern, ob ich selber auf die Idee gekommen bin oder ob mir dies von Seiten Scientologys nahegelegt wurde. Diese Behörde hatte sich in der Vergangenheit erfolgreich gegen die Eröffnung einer Mission in ihrer Stadt gewehrt.

    Damals und vermutlich auch noch heute lebten in einem Ortsteil mehrere scientologische Familien und diese wollten dort zusammen eine Mission eröffnen. Dieses wurde Ihnen auf Grund von Protesten aus der Bevölkerung untersagt.

    Es gründete sich in der Behörde ein Arbeitskreis, der sich zum Ziel gesetzt hatte, über Scientology aufzuklären und die Tätigkeit Scientologys in dieser Stadt zu unterbinden um eine Unterwanderung zu vermeiden. In diesem für mich „feindlichen“ Gebiet begann ich meine Tätigkeit. Bestandteil meines Arbveitsvertrages war eine Erklärung, keine Scientologin zu sein.

    Mein Vater war mein OSA – Kontakt. Er führte Gespräche mit mir. Ich sollte Informationen über diesen Arbeitskreis sammeln und ich sollte dort für Unfrieden sorgen. Er erklärte mir, wie ich dies machen sollte. Ich sollte mich ein wenig unbeholfen anstellen, immer nett, freundlich und hilfsbereit sein. So dass mir niemand gewisse Dinge zu traut. Später nannte ich diese Technik „Columbo Technik“. Ich sollte dort Freundschaften schließen und nach Möglichkeit nicht auffallen.

    Durch diese „Technik“ war ich in der Lage, über den Arbeitskreis an Informationen zu kommen. Ich sollte die Ruinpunkte der Mitarbeiter finden und sie analysieren. Die Informationen gab ich meinen Vater.

    Meine direkter Vorgesetzter war in den Arbeitskreis involviert. Nach meiner Analyse der Persönlichkeit mobbte ich diese Person. Ich traf sie immer dort, wo es sie verletzte. Dies tat ich, in dem ich z.B. vorsichtig Mitarbeiter gegen sie aufhetzte. Ich sorgte so für Unfrieden, dass sich diese Abteilung bald in zwei Lager aufteilte und die Abteilungs- und der Behördenleiter eingreifen mussten und eine Doppelspitze einführten.

    Mittlerweile war mein direkter Vorgesetzter nervlich und psychisch am Ende. Nun stachelte ich die Doppelspitze gegeneinander auf. Das Ende war, dass es nicht nur eine große starke Unterabteilung gab, sondern zwei getrennte kleine Unterabteilungen, die sich gegenseitig anfeindeten. Bei den anderen Vorgesetzten war ich gerne gesehen und mir wurde für nach meinem Studium eine Festanstellung angeboten. Dies war das eigentliche Ziel meiner „Tätigkeit“, ich sollte diese Stadtverwaltung unterwandern. Dafür war es nötig, in die Politik einzusteigen. Mein Vater erklärte mir: Egal welche Partei, um in der Behörde Karriere zu machen, musste ich einer Partei beitreten.

    Mein Vater erklärte mir immer, dass Scientology still und heimlich in die Gesellschaft gebracht werden soll. Das Scientology sich heimlich, still und leise in den Alltag der Menschen einschleichen soll. Er machte dies vermutlich in seinem Unternehmen und ich sollte dies in der Behörde machen.

    Zu meiner „Karriere“ kam es dann aber nicht mehr, denn während meines Studiums verliebte ich mich und ich zog in die Stadt in der ich studierte. Ich schloss dort viele neue Freundschaften und Scientology und die Eroberung der Behörde waren nicht mehr wichtig für mich. Ich arbeitete dort friedlich weiter um meine Wohnung zu finanzieren.


    Kurz nachdem ich aufgehört hatte Informationen zu liefern, bekam mein Vater einen Herzinfarkt. Ich denke, dass dies u.a. auch mit meiner Ablösung von ihm und Scientology zu tun hatte. Als ich zu ihm in das Krankenhaus auf die Intensivstation kam, betraten kurz nach mir zwei OSA-Mitarbeiter das Zimmer. Bei meinem Vater schlugen die medizinischen Geräte Alarm und eine Krankenschwester und ich baten sie zu gehen. Ich weiß bis heute nicht, wie sie auf die Intensivstation gekommen sind. Als sie weg waren, sagte mein Vater zu mir, jetzt weiß ich, dass du mich doch liebst.

    Ich zog eine Zeit lang zu meiner Stiefmutter und half ihr mit meinen Halbbrüdern und in anderen Dingen.

    Mein Leben wurde ein ganz normales Studentenleben und ich fühlte mich frei und glücklich. Zum Ende meines Studiums beschloss ich meine Kindheitserfahrungen in einer Diplomarbeit aufzuarbeiten. Ich wurde während dessen gefairgamed. Dies störte mich aber nicht sonderlich. Einige Zeit nach dem Studium begann ich eine Tätigkeit, bei der ich viel mit der Psychiatrie zusammenarbeiten musste. Vielleicht war dies eine
    Art von weiterer Rebellion. Nach dem mein Vater viel im Ausland unterwegs gewesen war, bekam er einen weiteren Herzinfarkt. Ich habe versäumt ihn zu fragen, wo er war und was er gemacht hat. Er fing an zu erzählen, dass er dieses Leben beenden wollte, dass er einen Neustart will. Mein Mann und ichsprachen lange mit ihm...

    Ein paar Jahre später wurde er aus seiner Firma entlassen. 1 Woche bevor mein jüngster Bruder 18 wurde, starb mein Vater. Er hatte alles geregelt und meinem Bruder sogar noch eine Lehrstelle besorgt. Von mir hatte er sich kurze Zeit davor verabschiedet, in dem er mit mir Schach spielte (wie wir es ganz, ganz früher immer gemacht haben) und er mich lang umarmte. Dies war mir aber nicht bewußt, ich habe mich einfach nur gewundert.

    Eine Person erzählte mir später, dass er ein Spender - Herz abgelehnt hatte und auch seine Medikamente (Betablocker und Aspirin) nicht mehr genommen hatte. Hätte ich dieses gewusst, dann hätte ich ihn ins Krankenhaus gebracht.

    Ich erfuhr erst einen Tag später von seinem Tod, wieder hatte mich ein anderer Verwandter darüber informiert.





    Ich habe als OSA - Spitzel gearbeitet und hielt es damals in meiner Verblendung für richtig, aber ich möchte betonen, dass dies nicht mehr ich bin. Ich distanziere mich von den Lehren Hubbards und von der Scientology - Organisation. Fragen beantworte ich gerne.
     
  6. Nicole

    Nicole Silver Meritorious Patron

    Final Part

    <Translator's comments within the text will be like this one: Small, green and in angle brackets.

    Please keep in mind that I'm not a professional translator, but I did my best to make it more readable than a Google translation, while staying close to Nicole's words. So if you have issues with the way Nicole's story is translated, please direct your (hopefully constructive) criticism and/or questions to me.
    cheers, MrNobody>



    When my brother was about 1 year old, I was taking care of him during the weekends when I was visiting my father, and I took care of the household. Sometimes, as some sort of compensation, I received attention in the form of conservations with my father. We didn't spend that much time together, though. But I always felt great when we were talking. I felt important and grown-up. The conversations were, among other stuff, about Scientology and about plans for my future.


    My 2nd brother was born. I heard about the birth from a relative, who, without asking my father, took me with her to the hospital. Things didn't change much, though. During my visits, I took care of the kids or the household. I cared for my siblings, following Hubbard's guidelines. Very rarely, if any at all, there were visits to the org for me.


    During my puberty, life in the "normal" world became a problem. I was searching desperately for Scientologists anywhere (allegedly there were so many of them), but I never found any amongst my friends or in my area. My friends were trying themselves. They drank alcohol and were partying. From my understanding, all this was wrong and forbidden. Sometimes I joined them, but had a bad conscience afterwards. I distanced from my friends more and more. But I also didn't really feel at home in Scientology world, there weren't enough contacts for that. I was floating between these two worlds, didn't feel at home in either of the
    wm, and I wasn't able to find my <true> self and try myself. It's been a very lonely time for me. So the years went by...

    At 18 I changed school, because I wanted to begin to study later on. With my old school, this wasn't possible. <Information about the German school system>

    In my new school, our class was a great community, where I felt well accepted and I've caught up with a lot of stuff in those days. Lots of stuff that I didn't dare to do during my puberty.

    A few years later, I began to study and at the same time I started working in a GO (Government Organization). I can't remember anymore, whether it was my own idea or whether it had been a suggestion from Scientology. In the past, this GO had successfully fought against the opening of a mission in their town.

    Back then and presumably even today, there were several sciontologist families living there and together they wanted to open a mission in their quarter. Based on protests from the regular townfolks, this was denied.

    A workgroup had been founded. It's goal was to inform about Scientology and to stop Scientology's endeavors in this town, to avoid infiltration. In this "enemy" territory I began my work. My job contract contained a declaration that I wasn't a Sciontologist.

    My father was my my OSA-contact. He had conversations with me. I should gather information about this workgroup and I should cause some upset there. He explained how it's done. I should behave a bit clumsy, always be nice, friendly and helpful. So that nobody would expect me to be capable of doing certain things. Later, I called this technique "Columbo Technique". I should make friends there, and make as little fuzz as possible.

    With this "technique" I was able to gather information about this workgroup. I was to find the ruins of my coworkers and analyze them. I gave these informations to my father.

    My direct senior was involved with the workgroup. After my analysis of the personality, I mobbed this person. I always hit 'em where it hurt 'em. I did this by carefully stirring up coworkers against 'em. I caused so much trouble, that this department soon split up into two opposing sections, and the bosses of the department and the (GO-)boss had to intervene. and hat to install a double-tip <twin-leadership>.

    Meanwhile, my direct senior was psychically and mentally at he end of the rope. Now I stirred up the double-tip against each other. In the end, there no longer was one strong section. now there were two separate small sub-sections fighting against each other.

    I was well liked amongst my other seniors, and I was offered a permanent job, once my study would be finished. This was the real goal of my "job". I was to infiltrate the administration of this town. Therefore, it was necessary o join politics. My father explained to me: No matter which party, to climb up the GO career ladder, I had to join a <political> party.


    My father always explained to me, that Scientology should be brought into society quietly and secretly. Scientolgy should sneak into the everyday life of people without anyone noticing it. He probably did just that in the enterprise he worked for, and I was expected to do it in the GO.

    My "career" didn't come to pass, because during my studies, I fell in love and moved to the town where I was studying. I made many new friends there, and Scientology and the conquering of the GO was no longer important to me I peacefully continued to work there to pay for my flat.

    Shortly after I had stopped delivering information, my father had a Cardiac infarct. I think that, among other things, had to do with me distancing from him and Scientology.


    When I visited him in the intensive care section of the hospital, shortly after me, two OSA-guys came in. The alarm of the medical devices my father was attached to went off, and a nurse and I asked them to leave. I still don't know how they got into the intensive care room in the 1st place. After they had left, my father said to me: Now I know that you still love me.

    For a while, I moved to my stepmother and helped her with my half-brothers and other stuff.

    My life became a normal student's life and I felt free and happy. At the end of my studies, I decided to work my childhood experiences into a diploma thesis. Meanwhile, I was being fairgamed, but I wasn't disturbed too much by that.

    Some time after my study days, I began a job in which I hat to collaborate a lot with Psychiatry. Maybe that was another kind of rebellion.

    After my father had spent a lot of time in foreigns countries, he suffered another cardiac infarct. I missed to ask him where he'd been and what he'd done. He began to talk about wanting to end his life, about wanting a new start. My husband and I talked with him for a long time...

    A few years later, his employer laid him off. 1 week before my youngest brother turned 18, my father died. He had everything organized, even found a job training (vocational school) for my brother.


    He had said goodbye to me a short while earlier, by playing chess with me (just like we did in the very, very early days) and giving me a long hug. I wasn't aware of this back then, I was just wondering.

    Later a person told me that he had denied a donor heartand didn't take his meds (Betablocker and Aspirin) anymore. Had I known this, I had taken him to the hospital.

    I heard about his death one day after it had happened, once again a relative informed me about it.

    I have worked as an OSA-informant and in my glare back then, I thought I was doing the right thing, but I want to make it clear that this is no longer me. I distance myself from Hubbard's teachings and from the Scientology - Organization. I'll gladly answer questions.
     
    Last edited: Feb 6, 2011
  7. MrNobody

    MrNobody Who needs merits?

    Well, it must have taken some balls/ovaries to write this part of your story, so I think a :bump: is in order. ;)
     
  8. Arthur Dent

    Arthur Dent Silver Meritorious Patron


    Thanks for the bump, Mr. Nobody.
    Wow, Nicole!
    Thanks for showing every organization and politician who ever happens to read this how it is done by OSA. I am sure many have fallen prey but perhaps now a few less will. What a nasty piece of work is OSA.

    Makes me wonder why they visited your Dad in hospital and why, when you sent them packing, he knew you still loved them. My guess is they got to him. You are brave to write this and smart to have walked away from it.
     
  9. Nicole

    Nicole Silver Meritorious Patron

    They must have waited in front of the hospital. They didn't follow me, I lived to far away. I am sure.
    Imo they wanted to set us under pressure. Him and maybe me. I stayed long in the room... First we talked. I wanted to know what happened, but didn't ask because of his health condition. We spoke about my brothers and I promised to stay there for a while and to help my stepmother. Than I looked how he slept...
    I knew one of the OSA man, I saw him 2 or 3 times with my father...

    ...and my father knew I still loved him (not them...). Don't forget before I stopped to work for OSA. I don't know, what they told him.
     
  10. Nicole

    Nicole Silver Meritorious Patron

    Dox

    *deleted* because I don't know how to write in English...
     
    Last edited: Feb 7, 2011
  11. MrNobody

    MrNobody Who needs merits?

    3 days after Nicole's last installment, and still only 1 true reply? :confused2: Come on guys, what is it? Is it the story itself, is it my translation, or is it the fact that Nicole posted my translation under her name? :questions:

    There are some nuggets in this part of her story, just read it. Comment it. Ask questions. I'd say Nicole is honestly willing to talk.

    Just give her a chance.
     
  12. Nicole

    Nicole Silver Meritorious Patron

    Thank you MrN, you are a friend (and that after the things I said to you in the last year ...:whistling:)

    I haven't published my story for my recovery, it would have been enough to write it down in my diary or to let people read that I trust. I published my story to show the public that people as me or my father exists. Scientologists that are willing to put the Tech and Scientology into eg governments or companies, that this is planned and that you can't recognize them.

    That was the only reason I published it:

    Lots of people read this thread and I hope they have a view with me on it.
     
  13. Markus

    Markus Silver Meritorious Patron

    Oh Nicole - das ist erschütternd :-(

    I'm speechless - what a story :omg:

    Thank you for sharing it with us.

    Lieben Gruß und Kopf hoch - Du gehst den richtigen Weg:thumbsup:

    Markus
     
  14. PTSPal

    PTSPal Patron with Honors

    Nicole,

    I was deeply moved by your story. It absolutely infuriates me :angry:...I think so many of us that have watched and been involved in similar situations have become "comfortably numb" with the norm of Scientology...Hearing your story helps us tremendously. You are an amazingly brave person and sharing your story with the public is a great, great service! :clap:

    I, like many others, will be ready to pounce when the horrible secrets of this organization are bought to the light of day,,,:hissyfit:
     
  15. Lurker5

    Lurker5 Gold Meritorious Patron

    BUMP !

    :bump2:

    Thank you, Nicole. We can all learn something about how osa works from this. Important info. Thank you for sharing it - a clean slate is a new beginning, especially when you tell the world what was there before. :thumbsup: :bravo:

    Keep sharing :yes:.
     
  16. Nicole

    Nicole Silver Meritorious Patron

    Thank You Markus. I feel much better, after I published it. It took a load off my mind.

    ...und eine schwere Last ist mir von den Schultern genommen worden...:yes:

    Lieben Gruß zurück:flowers2:

    Nicole
     
  17. Free to shine

    Free to shine Shiny & Free

    Thankyou Nicole. :bigcry:

    Yes, that is how scientology infiltrates companies and organisations. Don't feel ashamed of being part of it, you were used and abused. Writing about it takes away any guilt you may feel - I hope so anyway.

    How sad about your father.....

    :heartflower:
     
  18. Nicole

    Nicole Silver Meritorious Patron

    I missed to say thanks for the nice replies.:thankyou:

    ...and the story didn't end with the dead of my father, but familiy members are involved and I don't want to bad mouth.

    ...and the reason isn't because I could get disconnected. That happened a while ago.
     
  19. Lurker5

    Lurker5 Gold Meritorious Patron

    Tell

    Tell what you can, Nicole. :drama: Listening :yes:
     
  20. Nicole

    Nicole Silver Meritorious Patron

    RIP
    Jürgen Börsting
    Born 03. September 1952
    gone 31. August 2008
    to start a "New Cycle",
    he stopped to take the medicine he needed and
    didn't use the medical care he got offered.


    I wish he lives the life he dreamed of. I miss you Papa....

    [​IMG]