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The Little Thread Which Grew - the Apollo '73 to Everything But

Discussion in 'Stories From Inside Scientology' started by lkwdblds, Feb 28, 2009.

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  1. Leland

    Leland Crusader

    Re: The old days - Aboard the Apollo - 1973

    Mer, there is a "new member introductions" forum....

    There you can start your own thread.

    You can start your own thread in any forum....
     
  2. lkwdblds

    lkwdblds Crusader

    Re: The old days - Aboard the Apollo - 1973

    Could it possibly be true that your middle initial is "E" and that your current last name starts with "R". You've got to be careful what you say around here, we are pretty sharpt!
    Lakey
     
  3. Maria Cuervo

    Maria Cuervo Gold Meritorious Patron

    maria reads Dianetics and joins Scientology

    In the fall of 1976 I got a copy of Dianetics. I had just started at the University of Miami as a freshman. That spring I'd graduated from Our Lady of Lourdes Catholic High School. I was 18 years old. As I read the book, it seemed to answer everything I could think to ask about life and it seemed to answer every question I hadn't thought of asking too. My parents were exceedingly strict and even though I was at the University, I felt I had to sneak out as if I was 16. Reading Dianetics was something the parents wouldn't approve. So I had the book but I already knew the parents would NOT approve so I read it only late at night when everyone went to bed. I didn't do drugs. I didn't smoke. I did like to go to parties. I had a brown Camaro and spent much of my time on Key Biscayne getting a tan. So far I was under-achieving in college. I often skipped class.

    I've always been a reader and I hung on every word of Dianetics. I did not skim. I did not skip pages. I read it all. No one had given me the book. I'd seen the lurkers giving it out. I was curious but did not want to talk to them. LOL. This was my pattern. While I am not shy I CAN seem to be a bit autistic with strangers at first or in certain situations which produce anxiety. So I saw what the book was as I walked along Miracle Mile, close to the Miami Org. I'd never seen the Miami org, I'd never heard of Dianetics before this time. I waited until some other person was given the pitch. I heard a sentence or two and saw the title. Within a day or two I found it in a bookstore and in about 3 or 4 days I had finished the book.

    I walked into the Miami org just like that, without coaxing, having already read the book and having no idea what the place was about, that there were courses, that they required money to take or anything. For all I knew the org was a Buddhist temple and we'd be gazing at our navels. The Dianetics book had sort of given me a clue as to what was in store. There were engrams to remove. I had a vague sense of the process and had attempted already to 'run' some incidents on myself over those three or four days.

    None of the crazy stuff in the book shocked me because I'd already been reading Indian books of mysticism on the sly, had remembered some past lives, had practiced various sorts of astral projection. Nothing I could read was going to scare or turn me away since I'd experienced these things already. For example, I had used something from Lobsang Rampa to astral project in time and visit myself in a past moment. Check. I had used something else he described to go to some cosmic library to extract the phone number of a boy I had met on the beach. Check. That very afternoon my father arrived from work and informed me that a young man had called his office asking permission to pass along his phone number. The piece of paper my father gave me had the same numbers on it that I had extracted myself. Except my numbers had been missing the last digit. Not a big deal since I could try every possible number and in limited amount of tries I'd have successfully called the right number. I had traveled on a sound wave, seen the various astral bodies, eavesdropped on conversations out of the body and on and on with other things I'll leave out since it would make this account too long. Plus I don't want to seem crazy. (After all we like people with abilities as long as it remains a goal, an idea, an abstraction. If it really happened it might actually be threatening or weird!) Wisely, I kept all this to myself.

    The reason I was at first interested in Scientology and Dianetics was that after a short amount of time of doing all these "fun" things and feeling quite proud of myself as as consequence, I had begun to experience some serious somatics. The Dianetics book discussed this very issue. Once I gave up all these 'extracurricular' activities that I had been doing pretty much on a regular basis to accomplish just about anything, slowly the somatics faded away. I decided not to attempt to do anything more unless it happened by itself, which it sometimes did. I was afraid the somatics would get worse and wanted to pace myself. The somatics took about six months to leave. During that time I decided that I had gone too fast without following a correct procedure (having no clue what such would be). By the time I found the Dianetics book the somatics were gone. As I read the book I attempted to self-audit the somatic at the location of the body where it was acting up. (I don't recall if anything happened or not.)

    I walked into the Miami org on a weekday afternoon. It was slow. I think it was Carlos Rappaport who gave me a personality test and an IQ test. The IQ was 143 and the personality test seemed to indicate that I had a vivid imagination and tended to be spontaneous and risk-taking. It showed that I was sensitive to others but could be very selfish. It all rang a bell and then I was being double-teamed, I think by Leah? and by Carlos to discover my ruin. I was being double-teamed because they never found the ruin. To this day I DO NOT know what my ruin is or if I have one or what. Carlos attempted to piece a ruin together based on my personality traits. After a long time of not figuring out what my core issue could be, I finally just said whatever, anxious to move on. I completely forgot to tell him that my only issues were my parents being strict and the somatic previously mentioned. But that day the somatic wasn't bothering me as I'd self-audited it the day before. I think we agreed on something but I remember thinking that I didn't really care about ruins. I was there to get rid of engrams so that when I was leaving my body I wouldn't get more somatics.

    The next step was to take a course. Since I lived at home and had no money, I was told to go home and see if my parents would pay for the course of training that was recommended.

    Being very excited to do the first course, I went home and immediately asked my parents to pay for it. They were very upset but agreed that as long as I continued to go to church on Sundays they would pay for the Communications course.

    So of course like a dimwit I skipped mass and got caught skipping and the money was not forthcoming for the course. A huge shouting match ensued with my father and he stormed out of the house. By now a few days had passed and I'd been visiting the org quite often and had spoken to a staff recruiter. Seems like I went from the frying pan at home to the fire at the org. Someone from the org came to pick me up with a small bag of things and helped me find an apartment that very day.

    The apartment was right behind the org and was a complete DIVE. The very first night I was there a man attempted to break in. I was in bed semi-asleep and jumped out of bed and began to scream. It didn't occur to me that the man might be strong, might have a weapon, might overpower me. I was pissed. I ran to the door screaming and he ran away. I chased him down the breezeway.

    After it was all over I was so shaken I grabbed all my things and went straight over to the org. It was about 10 p.m. Jeff, my future husband, was sitting there in Qual at the main desk and listened to the entire story. I was crying and completely hysterical, unaware that such things as had happened to me actually went on in the real world. Of course being a nice guy helping an innocent girl he invited me to stay at his apartment indefinitely. Within a short period of time we started to have a relationship. I was actually very mean, told him I didn't like him, wanted to see other boys any time I felt like it etc. Thus began a period of calling me names and making me feel guilty. This period of guilt and blame went on for a while until finally I just gave up. I'd never supported myself before and was completely lost in the world. For the entire first few years, even after married, all I did was talk about a boyfriend I'd had in high school who I still loved. And I'd cry. No one sent me to ethics. I was posted as a letter reg and wrote 200 handwritten letters a day so no one gave a rat's arse if I had withholds, ARC breaks or anything else. Since I had no money, all I could do was work in central file or write letters. My boss was Leona. Leona did not like me at all and I didn't care one way or the other about her. To her I was a strange creature entirely self-absorbed and not that interested in anyone around me. She tolerated me but saw I was temperamental and kept a stern look on her face. At the same time I was a letter reg, another woman named Kathy who later became Sexsmith's wife was also a letter reg very briefly. Leona's problem I came to see was that her authority was often undermined when her staff were taken out from under her by others senior to her and placed somewhere else. Leona was a nice person but I guess she and I were like aliens to each other. I was superficial, overdressed for the org, and not thrilled to be writing letters. I gave a poor impression and didn't seem to have much potential for anything. Kathy caught Sexsmith's eye. Since he was the ED or about to be she was quickly taken out of letter regging. It took too much time for her to letter reg and this didn't allow for her play time with Sexsmith. Sexsmith was Rosemary Tropf's brother, btw, for anybody that didn't know that.

    During this time I was fairly miserable right from the start. I thought reading Dianetics I was going to unleash immediate results. It made no sense to me that by myself I'd done all those amazing things but that now to go any further I would have to write 200 letters a day first. I didn't get why everyone at the org was not just teleporting about and astral projecting and being OT. Why all the admin and so on. Jeff was a complete pain and in a way he was like a replacement father. I liked him and appreciated him but maybe he was in over his head. I was a handful. To be fair to him, I was a worse pain. I'd felt forced into the relationship when I had wanted to take it much slower and be free having just escaped the parents. I was chafing at the bit. He ended up taking the brunt of that.

    As I wrote letters I could see that others at the org were talking, laughing, relaxing, doing fun things. Why was I a letter reg? This was really eating away at me every single minute. I felt very trapped.

    This has to be put into the context of my life up to that point. I was a complete spoiled prima donna used to living in a gated community. Suddenly I was nothing. I was probably acting a bit snobby all this time and didn't even know it. And maybe writing letters was good for me, I don't know. But I decided the letter writing was going to end. As for Jeff, if he cramped me too much that would end too. I just remembered why Jeff never attempted to send me to ethics. He decided he could do ethics on me, which he did try. I don't remember if it worked or not but when I remember those days I really doubt it. Meanwhile my parents were desperately hoping Scientology was a phase and I'd come home. They kept my bedroom as it had been for several years.

    One day I went home to visit them and I complained and cried (I was really quite a baby) that I was exhausted and that all I did was write letters and that the food was terrible. They didn't say anything but maybe they thought I was cracking and would be home soon. They would not give me a dime to feed my Scientology habit. They took away my car. So all I had were some books, and some clothes, and my whiny attitude. No wonder Leona just held her nose! Princess Maria had entered the room to write her 200 letters! Sigh. But over time I did calm down a bit and got to be slightly nicer I hope. The letter regging desks were on the third floor facing some windows at the back of the building. There was no time to talk to anyone or see anyone. The quota was very high. I took the quota seriously even though the job was mindless. By now I was a true believer committed to the mission of Clearing the Planet.

    Even though I was not getting any ethics handling or auditing, and hardly got breaks, now and then I got to do TRS. The TRS as far as I could tell, at that time, simply gave me a break from letter writing and allowed me to be around other Scientologists. I had been in Scientology several months and up to now the only case gain was probably learning to be patient. The letter writing served as a sort of MEST work.

    To end this first part, one day while writing letters a lightbulb went off. I came up with a plan. It was ingenious. It was clever. It was my escape from letter regging without having to leave the org.

    The next part will describe how I was able to weasel my way into the TTC to pursue full-time training to be an auditor. So far this is all quite awful to me to read back and does not sound too promising for a future Sr. C/S. Hopefully Lisa Figueroa/Witt won't read it and say 'I told you so'. She later replaced me and still is the Sr C/S there as far as I know. (See comments about Lisa at signature line below, under "Memories of Miami org".)
     
    Last edited: Feb 27, 2015
  4. Maria Cuervo

    Maria Cuervo Gold Meritorious Patron

    Re: The old days - Aboard the Apollo - 1973

    Sorry, I did some small tweaks and edits on the last post. Next time I will try to highlight them in another color. :)
     
  5. Maria Cuervo

    Maria Cuervo Gold Meritorious Patron

    Re: The old days - Aboard the Apollo - 1973

    Lakey, no. I've sort of admitted my name at this time anyway. But mer has nothing to do with my name. My entire story really doesn't have too much bad stuff to say about others until I get to the CCLA part. It's kind of impossible to tell the full story without it being obvious who I am.
     
    Last edited: Feb 26, 2015
  6. lkwdblds

    lkwdblds Crusader

    Re: maria reads Dianetics and joins Scientology

    Wow Mer, I just finished reading your first installment. What a fascinating story! I can't believe that you had such vivid out of body experiences before you joined CoS!. Your reaction to reading the Dianetics book was amazing. Probably, your high IQ may have led to your being able to get so much from your first read. I've heard similar stories where someone acquired the DMSMH book and it transformed their life.

    I also liked the Dianetics book the first time I read it. I always got good results from having Dn run on me and I trained and became a fully interned Dianetic auditor and also achieved good results on others. For me, most of that happened between 1970 and 1973. From today's perspective, I still think that Dianetics has workability. The promises which Hubbard made in Book 1 were not attainable but still, it did produce positive results and seemed to do it better and quicker than Freudian therapy.

    It was basically an effort to start from Freudian principles and make improvements and simplifications of Freud's ideas and methods in an effort to raise people to a more stable level. It is too bad that Hubbard tended to over promote things he helped to create and oversold them. I understand that at one point, he was willing to give his findings to the medical and psychiatric professions but they did not take him seriously enough and rejected his offer It's too bad that Hubbard had such a big interest in obtaining money and fame with the subject and also that he overstated what the subject was capable of achieving. He did continue to improve the subject for many years after the books was released.

    Anyway, getting back to your story, I can't wait to read the next installment. You are a good writer and your story moves right along. Your experience with your parents is very interesting and somewhat typical. Many of us had well meaning and fairly intelligent parents, and most often our parents were immediately suspicious of CoS, especially when they began to get word of how much money it took to stay active in this "religion". I'm interested to find out how your parents reacted at various stages of your story.
    Lakey
     
  7. Re: maria reads Dianetics and joins Scientology

    dickensian...
     
  8. Maria Cuervo

    Maria Cuervo Gold Meritorious Patron

    Re: maria reads Dianetics and joins Scientology

    Thank you Lakey, It was so long ago on the IQ, and keep in mind it was a Scientology test so who knows if the result and the protocols were in line with what a wog testing would produce. I suspect a different outcome. :)

    I know what you mean about the promise of the Dianetics book. In a way it laid out the entire bridge didn't it? At least it felt that way to me. I did get gains. And there was something amazing about a bunch of humans freaking out trying to save the world. It definitely brought us together in a weird way in which we were and are a little bit like family. It was bad but something about it was memorable enough that we want to remember it, right?

    Freud was a thinker who most just accept as having had a point, being right, and add to that he was famous. On top of his principles lots of other principles and techs were piled on later - applications and techniques relating to the unconscious and subconscious desires and fears (marketing, sales, psychology, culture). I think Ron was smart to use the words conscious and subconscious because people already had a basic idea of what that meant. Less chance of MUs so the public could follow the Dianetics book without tripping up.

    I will leave the way this affected my parents for the rest of the story as it progresses. I have several parts here. The training, the case-cracking stats that caused me to win the East coast on a regular basis, thus getting Mayo's attention, the period where I helped found the Venezuela org in Valencia (I was the tech person and there was an admin person), The trip to LA to do OT levels and then a time period auditing at AOLA and c/sing, the return to Miami and the shift from auditor to c/s, being called out to Int? (If I have the place right) to train with Mayo, the return to Miami and my departure from Scientology, then the AAC episode and at the very end, the final ending of the story, CCLA and my failure to sign the billion year contract among other things. Thank you about the writing. I hope to try and not be so long-winded as to be boring and at the same time I hope that the various elements are interesting so I want to include all those pieces. I am sure the CA parts would be more interesting for those from CA although I'll probably not handle it as well as a native Californian would (the story) :) Keep in mind that I did the OT levels when one went OT1-7 and then back through OT3 once again (hope I got that right). I spent at least 200 hours on OT2. That was my own doing. I wanted to keep going with it longer but I realized I was getting obsessive. LOL. And I have since heard they got rid of it? It was one of my favorite parts! More soon.......
     
    Last edited: Feb 26, 2015
  9. lkwdblds

    lkwdblds Crusader

    Re: maria reads Dianetics and joins Scientology

    Mer, I know for a fact that Scientology uses standard IQ tests. Hubbard never originated his own unique IQ test. The list of the various episodes which you plan on writing about is enthralling, to say the least. Your story looks like it will be a blockbuster. I'm anxiously looking forward to your next chapter.
    Lakey
     
  10. Maria Cuervo

    Maria Cuervo Gold Meritorious Patron

    Re: maria reads Dianetics and joins Scientology

    I have to agree. :nervous:
     
  11. afaceinthecrowd

    afaceinthecrowd Gold Meritorious Patron

    Re: maria reads Dianetics and joins Scientology

    Scientology uses antiquated, non-comprehensive and invalidly administered IQ Tests that are repeatedly given to the same person which invalidates the results of all subsequent tests administered other than the original, which is not valid as it was not administered under accepted and recognized protocols.

    Face :)
     
    Last edited: Feb 26, 2015
  12. Maria Cuervo

    Maria Cuervo Gold Meritorious Patron

    Re: maria reads Dianetics and joins Scientology

    Thank you so much. For many years because of the AAC incident I was paralyzed over everything and didn't speak with anyone at all. So far no one here has yelled at me for it like then. Phew.
     
  13. Maria Cuervo

    Maria Cuervo Gold Meritorious Patron

    Re: maria reads Dianetics and joins Scientology

    I only received it that once and since I've never taken any other I have nothing to compare it to.
     
  14. afaceinthecrowd

    afaceinthecrowd Gold Meritorious Patron

    Re: The old days - Aboard the Apollo - 1973

    Mer,

    A belated WELCOME to you! :clap: So glad you're here with all the rest of Us and found your way here.:yes:

    I like your Stuff and appreciate what you're doing and going through. I have--many of Us here have--been through "lay down your burden" and it takes time, soul searching and caring encouragement. :yes:

    Your Story is compelling, timely and you have important "Tiles" to add to the "Mosaic". :ohmy:

    You may want to consider starting your own "My Story" Thread. We'll all come there and read, learn and share. :thumbsup:

    Best Wishes,:coolwink:

    Face:)
     
  15. Maria Cuervo

    Maria Cuervo Gold Meritorious Patron

    Re: The old days - Aboard the Apollo - 1973

    Thank you so much. While seemingly outgoing, I'm a bit shy on occasion (wonder if I am not slightly autistic at times, at least around the edges) so actually I'd rather put it here for now and Lakey encouraged me to do it. I can always create a duplicate of my own later if I feel strongly about it and put it where it would make more sense. Right now I need to stay here. I hope that the illogic of that is ok and that we can drink a beer over it and so on. :)

    If there is going to be a lot of uproar I don't want to be a big pain in the rear and I might budge. This is actually a bit frightening and while it will be fine I am not used to 'sharing' anything. I tend to be private. Keep in mind that for 20+ years I've spoken to neither FZ or CoS. If staying here makes me look like a geek please let me know.

    You can help with something though. I just posted something on lucid dreaming as a response in videos. I was responding, not starting a new thread. It seems slightly buried. Sigh. Is that how it goes?
     
  16. ILove2Lurk

    ILove2Lurk Lisbeth Salander

    Re: The old days - Aboard the Apollo - 1973

    . . .
    mer,

    Welcome to the message board. Enjoyed your posts a lot!

    One bit of advice . . . you'll find that being unemployed and a member
    of this message board to be an absolutely deadly combination.

    [​IMG] . . . but a whole lot of fun! :coolwink:

    ILove2Lurk
     
  17. Maria Cuervo

    Maria Cuervo Gold Meritorious Patron

  18. Maria Cuervo

    Maria Cuervo Gold Meritorious Patron

    Re: The old days - Aboard the Apollo - 1973

    :biggrin:
     
  19. afaceinthecrowd

    afaceinthecrowd Gold Meritorious Patron

    Re: The old days - Aboard the Apollo - 1973

    No worries...No BFD. :no: I started out on this Thread 5 years ago and Lakey and a bunch of the Folks that were Posting on this Thread then were a HUGE help to me opening up me can of squirmin' worms. :melodramatic:

    I sorta "snuck" onto ESMB in January of '10...Been looong gone since the mid-latter 80's or so. I found a "Home" on this Thread for my first couple of ESMB months--it was still relatively young then and daily very active with a number of "Old Timers" like me. My initial interest in this Thread was that I was on the Apollo from the early '70's until the move to land. :coolwink:

    I eventually started a Thread...Shooting Stars http://www.forum.exscn.net/showthread.php?21698-Shooting-Stars...in January, '11 that chronicled much of my life and times in personal service to El Ron, on the Apollo, in SO and my "Take" on Hisself, SO, Scn and in the the Narratives I Linked to pertinent Posts I had made here on the Apollo Thread and elsewhere on ESMB. :yes:

    There ain't gonna be no "Uproar". I know it's frightening, daunting as I'm very private, too. I also have anonymity issues that are sensitive. Nothing about staying here on this Thread is "Geek". Chill, honey bunny...Youze like da Fonze.:clap:

    I'm not sure what you mean by "buried" re: Post on lucid dreaming. When I first came on ESMB I was a real Chat Board numbnuts and didn't realize that the first couple of Threads I Posted on were Threads that had been "Dead" (inactive) for over a year. :duh:

    It takes a little time and some on and off discomfort to "learn the ropes" around this here corral...However, if you hang in there and keep gettin' back in the saddle, it's a mighty fine Rodeo and I can tell all ready you're a born Wrangler. :hattip:

    :carryon::thumbsup::coolwink:

    Face :)
     
    Last edited: Feb 27, 2015
  20. Maria Cuervo

    Maria Cuervo Gold Meritorious Patron

    Re: The old days - Aboard the Apollo - 1973

    Thank you. I can't tell you know much your letter warms my heart. I did create the thread but its now a response on the original thread and the new thread. Ok. I'll figure it all out. It's buried but that is ok. I can always add it to my signature to boost it up a bit. :)

    After reading about the ship I am probably happy I was not on it. But then I am also glad, after reading something on Rinder's blog, that I was not assigned to scrape grease at flag as it dripped below the kitchen floor. :)

    PS I have your thread up and I will subscribe to it. Is it 2000 pages like Lakey's? I am only up to page 20 of Lakey's thread! And now I am ADDING my own extra pages to it. Insane but lovely.
     
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