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Time to share my story

Discussion in 'Stories From Inside Scientology' started by Kathy (ImOut), May 9, 2008.

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  1. Kathy (ImOut)

    Kathy (ImOut) Gold Meritorious Patron

    I figure it's time to share my story of how I got in and why I got out.

    First, let me introduce myself.

    I got in in July/August 1987 under the name of Kathy Plecas (my 1st married name.) When husband #1 and I divorced I went back to my birth name of Kathy Hubbard. In July 1991 I was married to my 2nd husband and went by the name of Kathy Dawson. After Dawson and I divorced in 2000/2001 I kept the name of Dawson until I married my 3rd husband in October 2005. I am now known as Kathy Cochran.

    Here's how it started. It was the summer of 1987. My daughter was 1 1/2 years old. I was NOT doing well with being a stay at home mom/wife. My first husband and I had a lot of third party on our lines. Also, I was still pretty young - 24. My mother had died 3 years prior and I still was not fully out of that grief. Plus, when I'd gotten pregnant with my daughter, I had just (by chance) stopped my cocaine habit. So, when I found out I was pregnant, I also stopped smoking, coffee and alcohol. And back in those days, people didn't really talk about postpartum depression - and I had it pretty bad.

    Here's what happened. Husband and I got into a huge fight due to some third partying we had gotten. In my fit of anger I thought it would be a good idea to shoot him - for real with his .45. Since he was holding our daughter while I pointed the gun at him, I figured it wouldn't be a good idea after all - since I'm not that good of a shot and didn't want to miss and get my daughter, nor did I want to spend the rest of my life in jail. Instead, I asked him to send me to a mental hospital - obviously I need some time away from the real world. He refused. So, instead I went to bed praying for some relief/help. Here's the bizarre part - I didn't believe in God. I'd been a Jehovah's Witness for 3 years and I didn't find God to be all that responsive. But I prayed anyway. Something had to be better!

    Well, the next morning I wake up having an argument with myself. Here's how it went: you should call XXX (XXX was a Scn). I don't want to call XXX she'll talk to me about Scn. Well, call her anyway. No, I don't want to call. This goes on for 15 - 30 minutes while I'm getting coffee and waking up. The next thing I know, I'm walking past the phone and pick it up to dial XXX - even though I don't know XXX's phone number by heart. Now, XXX never answered the phone, it always went to the answering machine. And this was when answering machines were still fairly new and I hated leaving messages on machines. Well, low and behold, XXX answers the phone.

    We talk, she knows about my 9 year drug history and suggests I do the Purification Rundown. What's that? I'll send you some information.

    OK, so the information arrives along with a brochure about Scn. The line: "What's true for you...." hooked me. I didn't want to be told what to believe. I'd had enough of that with the JW's.

    I discuss it all with my husband and we arrange for me to go to LA - we lived in Oregon. We also arrange for his mother to come watch our daughter. So, I fly to LA.

    I start my Purif at the South Bay Mission in Manhattan Beach, CA. Literally, I can see my Grammar School from the lobby window. I can walk to my High School. I'm in my "back yard" - this is where I grew up. This is where I used to ride my bike, catch tadpoles, etc. The mission was in a very small "strip mall" where I'd once bought some very sexy lingerie a few years back. I was home!!!!

    The purif goes well, even though I probably over ran it by a week. I'd gone exterior after 7 days. When I'm not on the purif, I'm doing the "Basic Study Pack" from the old VMH. Much needed - my education sucked. After the purif I start Life Repair. Most of the Life Repair auditing is word clearing, since I'm so "green". Well, about 20 hours into my Life Repair, I originate Clear. However, I'm sure the men in white coats are coming to put me in a straight jacket.

    Not a problem being Clear, as in "I did this before", I'm CLEAR. Here's the problem - I'd been going exterior in my sessions, so they thought I might have a problem with exteriorization. No, been doing this all my life, just didn't know what the fuck it was. Now they bring in a special auditor to audit me on exteriorization. Strange thing is - I know this lady from when I was a cashier at the local health food store. We'd met a couple of times when she'd go thru my line. I'd gone to school with her son.

    Back to the point: She's trying to fix my Int (which of course doesn't need fixing). So back and forth we go until I pitch a fit (I'm good at pitching fits - youngest child of 5 and the only girl:p ). So, I let her know that I'm fine, I've been doing this all my life and isn't one of the points of Scn auditing is to get the person exterior. Why, Yes it is. Duh! So stop messing with me. OK, we'll stop messing with you.

    Now the "fun" begins. I've been "in" for 3 weeks. I should have only been away from home for 2 weeks. And I'm being sent to AOLA for a CCRD. Now understand something - I grew up in LA - I didn't go to Hollywood, I stayed in my neck of the woods or beach as it actually was. LA/Hollywood scared me - you had to drive thru very bad neighborhoods to get to LA from the beach.

    Well, I go to AOLA. Of course I'm not given a Tech Estimate, not that I would have known what one was. I pay for an intensive or two, don't remember and start my Objectives. Hated them with a passion. I'm surprised my auditor ever spoke to me again after that. I can cuss worse than a sailor and have really good hissy fits when I want. And I had lots of them on Objectives. Got thru that and started the Drug Rundown. That was fun - I got to relive some really fun highs I'd had. Got thru that pretty fast - cog'd quickly on why I'd done drugs in the first place.

    I finally start my CCRD. I'm given a C/S 53 nearly every day. I swear I nearly had that list memorized. At this point I've been gone for 4 weeks. My daughter had been in LA staying at grandma's part of the time. My husband has driven down from Oregon to pick us both up, but I'm not done, I can't leave. OK, fine. I stay and I've now spent $15,000 in 4 weeks.

    Well, it's near Labor Day and husband goes hunting every Labor Day with his family and friends. So, I either get my ass on a plane or I don't ever bother coming home. I go and speak to the DofP or whatever the guy's post is - he's very tall - 6'6" or 6'8". I'm standing there breaking my neck to look at him, crying because I have to go home or never go home again. Well, they audit me until midnight (in fact they bring in my auditor from the mission). (Side note: In 3 weeks, I've had 5 auditors.) We don't get thru the CCRD. I go home.

    I meet my husband, my daughter and my girlfriend at the airport. My husband hands me my daughter and hits the road for Fresno to go hunting. But just before he gets in the car he says: "by the way, there's a fire across the street from the house, don't worry about it". WTF - we live in the sticks (as in forest). Well, my girlfriend drives us home and sure enough there's a fire across the street and now another one over the mountain ridge. Welcome Home!!!!

    To be continued - this is only the first 5 weeks. Promise not to cover the whole 19 years in such detail. Good Twin is making me do this. LOL!!!! Just kidding. She just thought it was a good story and that I should share it. If I'm boring anyone - I'll stop. I can live without reliving my time in Scn.
  2. Zinjifar

    Zinjifar Silver Meritorious Sponsor

    Great to hear from you Kathy :)

    Feel free to expand on the story. I'm loving how much is coming out.

  3. Good twin

    Good twin Floater

    Guilty as charged.:yes:
  4. uncle sam

    uncle sam Silver Meritorious Patron

    I got a deal for you!

    You keep on posting your story.
    I will keep on reading it, with baited breath.You write vividly and with description. It makes for an exciting read.
  5. Wisened One

    Wisened One Crusader

    :drama: Keep going! :drama:

    Funny you mention about ppd,

    I'd first went in to my local Mission (1989) because I was feeling depressed too!! :yes:.....only to discover a few days later that I was pregnant with my 2nd baby...and WITH TWINS!
    (I'm a 90 lb girl, so THIS SCARED ME!...sidenote: a few weeks later my body re-absorbed the 2nd embryo, so continued preg just fine with just my daughter.)...

    Yep, my HORMONES was a lot of the reason I was depressed, too!

    Course, the Mission talked me into staying and gave me a few DN sessions anyways.....:eyesroll:

    At any rate:

  6. holdemm

    holdemm Patron

    Nice story, just one question from a Wog, what are lines?
  7. Kathy (ImOut)

    Kathy (ImOut) Gold Meritorious Patron

    I use "line" a couple of times, so hopefully I'll answer this correctly.

    Line as in, the sentence that reads...

    Or, going thru my line - grocery store check out line.

    In Scn it means the route you take on a routing form, you see this person, then the next person and the person after that - going thru the lines = seeing nearly every person in an Org.

    Does that answer your question????
  8. Kathy (ImOut)

    Kathy (ImOut) Gold Meritorious Patron

    Next segment

    Well, the fires were exciting - NOT. My daughter and I evacuated by choice. Packed up the pets and a few necessities and stayed at my girlfriend's.

    Back to the story:
    By January of 1988 I go back to AOLA to finish my CCRD. I get a different auditor. I get told I'm NOT Clear. Not a happy camper. I go home. I get very sick. Very hard to take care of daughter when I can't get off the couch for a week.

    My husband and I go to Portland CC to do the Comm Course. Fine. Or we went to do a marriage handling. I don't remember.

    Two things happen: 1. my husband finds the LRH reference about Unattested state of Clear - really indicated to me. 2. I leave my tech dictionary in Portland (we live in Southern Oregon) and this is one of the few books I own. I call numerous times and am told it will be mailed to me. Several months go by, and still no book. I'm pissed. I call AOLA and I want a "refund", not even knowing what the hell that means to the CofS. What had happened, was that when I was there in January they had me put money on account and sold me the Red Vols. I didn't need or want the Red Vols. Money was getting tight since I'd spent so much the year before. Husband was pissed about the money I had spent. So, I needed the $1000 or so on account back to shut my husband up.

    The ED from the Mission I started at calls me and asks what happened. Truly, I just want my damn tech dictionary back. A week later I have an ARCX auditor at my house - he flew up from LA. Everything gets straightened out and all is good with the world again. And I got my tech dictionary back from Portland CC.

    I somehow manage to handle my husband on the money issue. Besides the fact that it was my inheritance to spend as I pleased. At least that was my opinion.

    In the meantime, I've been handling a lump on my breast that was more than likely caused by the purif from my liver getting over taxed. And my marriage is severely on the rocks.

    The end of 1988 - I leave for LA with the plans to stay married to my husband. I'm going to open a "Hubbard-based School" with a bunch of OTs.

    More to follow.
  9. Good twin

    Good twin Floater

    Wow! I never knew........:drama: please continue......
  10. GreyLensman

    GreyLensman Silver Meritorious Patron

    Hi Kathy.

    I know exactly what you mean. I did three or four of the Int Rdn's until attesting Thetan Exterior and after that I just pointed at the attest and told them to take a hike.

    Of couse I'm exterior and no, it didn't restimulate anything... That's how it's supposed to be.

    Keep writing!
  11. grundy

    grundy Gold Meritorious Patron

  12. grundy

    grundy Gold Meritorious Patron

    oops (so sorry) double post .. but I look forward to hearing the rest.
  13. Kathy (ImOut)

    Kathy (ImOut) Gold Meritorious Patron

    Part 3

    I might as well get on with this. I'm on a roll now.

    End of 1988: it doesn't pan out to start a school, so I join staff at the South Bay Mission where I started Scn. I do my staff statuses and then I go to LA Org to do Student Hat.

    I'm missing my daughter horribly.

    I get thru Student Hat and go home to Oregon to celebrate my daughter's 3rd birthday. And to move what I need down to LA. I've worked out a great deal - I will live the my friend's dad (my 2nd dad) for $100 a month and pay my long distance phone calls. Dinner is on the table at 6 PM when I come home for dinner from staff.

    My husband helps me move to LA. All seems fine. Until...

    I come home from post Saturday night and my 2nd Dad tells me that my husband has called and they (he and daughter) are home in Oregon and will call in a couple of days. I know this is a lie. I just do.

    I drink a bottle of wine and talk to the Dad person until the wee hours of the night. I can't sleep. I know exactly where my husband is. I get in the car and drive to Cambria, CA, just north of San Luis Obispo where we used to live before we moved to Oregon. I arrive about 7 AM at the Blue Bird Motel. I ask the registration desk what room my husband is in. Knock on the door and boy is he surprised. :p That made my morning. He wasn't expecting me. I didn't know where he was, as far as he was concerned. Anyway, I lay down on the bed and sleep for a bit. I haven't slept the entire night before and I've had a whole bottle of wine.

    We get up and go to breakfast in Morro Bay. While we are eating, in front of my 3 year old daughter, my husband asks me for a divorce. WTF? I excuse myself to the bathroom, so I don't cry at the table in front of my daughter and the other patrons of the restaurant. By the way, it's Valentine's Day.

    My husband packs our daughter into his car and leaves for Oregon. I drive back to LA.

    Fast forward several months. October 1989 - I attest to Clear at Flag. A few weeks later I get the divorce papers in the mail. My now ex-husband signed the divorce papers on our 4th wedding anniversary. The divorce is finalized on my 27th birthday.

    Now the fun begins. I had my credit report pulled when I got back from Flag. I'd applied for a credit card months before and I'd never received anything on it. Guess what? My ex-husband never forwarded it to me and he's using it. The credit card company asks, what would you like us to do? Put a red flag on it and call me the next time he uses it. A few days later I get the call. He's trying to get $3000 off the card at the bank we banked at together. They've held him for 30 minutes what would I like done now. I can have him arrested or they can just cut up the card. As much as I wanted him arrested, I tell them not to, that he's been embarrassed enough. You have to understand - whenever I walked into the bank, the VP waited on me, we had a good relationship and he adored my daughter. The bank barely knew my ex-husband.

    I had a good laugh, since it was my birthday, I figured he was getting cash to buy me a really nice present. I didn't yet know that my divorce was final. The next day he called to justify his actions, to say Happy Birthday and to acknowledge that he knew I was always Clear. Asshole.

    No, my husband never got into Scn. He went to Portland CC with me twice and didn't care for Scn. And if I wanted to do Scn while married to him, I'd have to get a job to pay for it.

    My standard of living was pretty good during my marriage. But I was miserable. I was much happier in LA, renting two rooms, working on Staff and a part time accounting job. Granted, I didn't see my daughter very much. We shared custody. She'd live with him for 3 months and then be back with me for 3 months. And due to the minimal child support I received when she was with me, it was better financially to have her with her dad. I couldn't afford her day care. And I couldn't afford to not work.

    Let me fill in some gaps. I left staff after a few months. I just wanted to be unencumbered. I wanted to play with my boyfriend and my daughter when she was with me. During my leaving staff sec check I found out that my first CCRD was a bust. But I swore I'd never do another one. I was basically out of Scn.

    A few months went by, I broke up with the boyfriend (long story short - we'd dated before I'd gotten married - we had a long history of on and off, over and over again). I was helping out at the Mission one night when the phone rang and it was an FSM for Flag. And that's how I ended up at Flag to do my CCRD in September/October 1989.

    I think one or two more segments will do it. I'm not going to write up from 1989 to 2005/2006. I'm getting tired tonight. So maybe more tomorrow.

    I hope you all are enjoying this. It's actually pretty cathartic for me.
  14. Kathy (ImOut)

    Kathy (ImOut) Gold Meritorious Patron

    I did have an end of endless int rundown in I think it was 1990. It was great. The first time an int handling actually indicated. But then, I was suffering from these awful head in a vice headaches. Hell, morphine would have been good too, at the time. LOL!!!
  15. Kathy (ImOut)

    Kathy (ImOut) Gold Meritorious Patron

    Aren't pregnancy hormones wonderful? Read with lots of sarcasm. I'm finding the pre-menopausal hormones nearly as bad. Life is exciting at my house. LOL!!!! Now if I could just get my husband to understand the lovely hormonal roller coaster ride us women suffer, ..., I could take my face out of perpetual smiling mode.:p
  16. WrongPlaceRightTime

    WrongPlaceRightTime Patron Meritorious

    Thanks for sharing. It's an interesting story with a lot of synchronicity.
  17. Kathy (ImOut)

    Kathy (ImOut) Gold Meritorious Patron

    Part 4

    I think I'm up to this, even though it's getting late.

    I won't totally skip all those years. I'll just cover the basics.

    I left off near the end of 1989. So let's move on to 1990 and beyond.

    At first it's a complete blur in my head. But now I remember. I was doing the PTS/SP course. First at CC Int. since I was still pissed at AOLA for messing up my CCRD. I got tired of driving the extra 15 minutes to CC, since I passed AOLA on my way. So, I transferred to LA Org and that was the pits. So, I ended up blowing off the course for a while.

    I'm really having a hard time remembering all this stuff. I ended up back at AOLA. I was getting 1st & 2nd dynamic sec checks. Did Method One and found out I wasn't stupid. That was a relief.

    By 1991 I'm back on the PTS/SP course at AOLA. I think I'd also done my OT Preps and Elig in 1990. No, I hadn't done Solo 1 yet, there was a stat push going on and I had credit cards to pay for auditing. I finish Solo 1 in early 1992 or 1993, I don't remember exactly. In 1991 I married my second husband - big mistake, huge.

    May 1993 I moved to Clearwater so I could get service at Flag, the Mecca of Technical perfection. Do a lot of clean up on earlier auditing, such as FPRD. And I meet Good Twin. One of the biggest highlights in my life.:happydance: A true soul mate. Some one that totally gets me. We finish each others sentences. And we are completely and totally nuts. Lets just say, an afternoon together is like doing 500 sit ups. And my mouth feels like I've had it stretched by the dentist for 10 hours. We are laughing so much and so hard.

    1994 I route into Flag to do my OT Levels. Nope, you gotta do your grades. Nope, I don't want to do my grades. Well, then you ain't gonna get any auditing. OK, fine, I'll do my grades. I get almost thru all of grade 3, leave for two reasons - no more money (actually husband #2 broke his agreement with me and used the money for himself) and a huge win. I attested to Clear Theta Clear.

    I do some basic courses but nothing much.

    In 1997 I'm deemed "unqual'd" for Flag. Really, what changed from 1994 to 1997? Oh yeah, Lisa died and they think I'm a threat. And they are very confused about Social Workers and say I've had "extensive psychiatric treatment". Nope, never saw a psych. I get a repayment from Flag so I can do auditing at Tampa Org. Hate the drive and plus, they really can't help a stalled Clear.

    November 1998, move back to CA, to the San Jose area. Try to get auditing at Los Gatos Org. They tell me to do my program that Flag game me. Bull Shit, I'm not doing that program.

    So in 1999 I drive down to AOLA. Get the R-factor that I don't have to finish my grades. I just have to get my OT Levels paid for and do Solo Certainty.

    Divorce my 2nd husband. Yippee!!! I'm free at last.:happydance:

    In 2001 I move back to LA since my 15 year old daughter has joined the SO and I'm not ready to be a 5 hour drive away from her. Thankfully, she only stays in the SO for 5 months. But was she a handful coming out of the SO. That was a rough time for my daughter and I. I really wanted to send her back, since she was being such a brat expecting to be treated like an adult. Sorry, not in my house.

    Over the years in LA, I try a number of times to get onto Solo Certainty. Just can't pull it off. And I had experienced a wee bit of that Golden Age of Tech crap - putting a bulletin on the wall upside down and confronting it. That really introverted me. I hated it.

    August 2004, my life is a mess and I'm just getting over Mercury poisoning. I route into AOLA to finish my Grade 3. I figured since I started it, I might as well finish it. I was about 10 questions away from finishing it when I left it in 1994. 10 years sitting it that level really gets your T/Rs in. If the sun wasn't shining, I could have a major ARCX.:p

    Then I go ahead and start Grade 4, thinking a "new life" or whatever the EP was didn't sound like a bad idea. And I wasn't ready to confront Solo Certainty.

    Grade 4 really sucked. The worse auditing in my life. Not only did one auditor yell at me and fart (very stinky) in the auditing room, but it took forever - something like 5 or 6 intensives. And they said GAT auditing was so much faster. I didn't spend 5 intensives going from Grade 0 to nearly done with Grade 3. I switched auditor after the first one yelled at me. It really wasn't any better. I couldn't stand all the missed withhold pulling. My god, what could I have withheld by going pee, eating lunch and having a smoke or 2 in 45 minutes. But sure enough - they were pulling missed withholds at the start of nearly every session. Never before had my ruds needed to be flown so much. Sure, if I really had an ARCX or a PTP, but I think in all my prior auditing, I'd only had one or two missed withholds pulled at start of session.

    It was a fishing expedition. Shit it wasn't even a withhold, let alone missed and they were going for it. I finally came up with a "standard missed withhold" - I masturbated. How many times can that one read? I wasn't doing it every single day or every single week - but they took it over and over and over again. I was starting to wonder if my male auditor wasn't getting off on me relating my getting off. If it hadn't been so grueling and expensive to spend hours protesting no missed withholds, it would have been comical. But needless to say - it wasn't - it sucked and it pretty much did me in.

    Life pretty much sucked after Grade 4. But then I met my husband. That part was good.

    We meet in February 2005 (actually for the second time) and hit if off. And any guy that can deal with me when I'm hanging with Good Twin, is a good guy. And of course, Good Twin knew, like I knew, he was it. The guy I'd been looking for. And when I later went back and read my ideal scene for a husband, he matched it to a T. We were married in October 2005.

    Next segment will be getting out - why, when, how.
  18. Zinjifar

    Zinjifar Silver Meritorious Sponsor

    You leave us hanging? Tease! Sadist! Misssed Withold!

    Ah well, you're out. Guess we have to wait...

  19. Free to shine

    Free to shine Shiny & Free

    I love the bits about you and Good Twin. :)
    And your standard missed withhold. Good on you!
  20. tookmeawhile

    tookmeawhile Patron with Honors

    Hi Kathy,

    LOVE your story! And you know, that's pretty sad to say. I hate horror/slasher type movies or just any really entheta stories/movies. So why do we (yes, most of us here) love to hear about the nightmares? I guess it helps us realize WE weren't the crazy ones - Cof$ is crazy. And yes, it is late but I'm addicted to these boards. Thanks, Emma.

    Oh dear god, an auditor with flatulence. He must have been taking in all your entheta and blowing it out his ass! :storm:

    I'm anxious to hear the rest of your story!!!