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Top 100 Stupid Moments in Scientology PART 4

Discussion in 'Evaluating and Criticising Scientology' started by HelluvaHoax!, Apr 25, 2017.

  1. HelluvaHoax!

    HelluvaHoax! Platinum Meritorious Sponsor with bells on


    I never knew Billy's full name until you posted that.


    William La Fayette Blowdown. lol

    I don't know why, but my knowingness tells me that I should look in the Book of E-Meter Essential's index of abbreviations.
    Last edited: Sep 22, 2018
  2. screamer2

    screamer2 Idiot Bastardson

    Umm.... I'd.... ah..... I'd like to indicate that your ah... your needle was floating.
    HelluvaHoax! likes this.
  3. guanoloco

    guanoloco As-Wased

    Screamer, where the fuck have you been hiding out? This is HILARIOUS!!!
  4. HelluvaHoax!

    HelluvaHoax! Platinum Meritorious Sponsor with bells on


    REF: An outstanding in-depth look at Scientology's "floating cathedral" (the FreeWinds ship) that was written by Jeffrey Augustine was just posted over at the always entertaining & enlightening THE UNDERGROUND BUNKER.

    This section was particularly illuminating. . .

    The following SCIENTOLOGY TRANSLATION APP of the above passage has been provided to you, the reader (and you, the being) at no cost whatsoever. To wit, the TRANSLATOR was free, keep it so. However, notwithstanding this free gift to mankind, please be advised that receiving priceless LRH tech without exchanging for it will result in:
    • No case gain, due to your criminal out-exchange.
    • Civil lawsuits, criminal prosecution and Fair Game black ops run on you in order to help you get your ethics in.
    • Loss of eternity. While this may not be real to lower level beings, it will become thunderously obvious when you die alone, in the dark and in pain. (Scientific proof at: LINK)


    THETA-SPEAK: "OT VIII will be released soon. . . "
    ENGLISH: It's 1971. OT VIII will be released in 17 years (1988). Years after that the "standard" version of OT VIII that Ron intended will be released to able beings (the ones able to pay for OT VIII twice).

    THETA-SPEAK: "We want as many people as possible up to OT VII and full case completion, ready to go when OT VIII is released."
    ENGLISH: We are going to crush-sell you to advance-pay for the level and a whole program of "setups" right now so we can get our Gross Income stat up and allocate at least half of it in order to "flow power to power" (i.e. skim & launder $75 million for Ron personally)

    THETA-SPEAK: "Don’t let anything stop you"
    ENGLISH: Knock off the CI and suppressive reasonableness that prevents you from maxing out home equity loans and credit cards.

    THETA-SPEAK: " ocean-going vessel would be the most appropriate facility for ministering New OT VIII because this advanced level of religious service requires a completely safe, aesthetic and distraction-free environment"
    ENGLISH: When you read the OT VIII pack and find out that you wasted a half-million dollars and last 20 years auditing out "BTs" that really were not there, we want you to be "safe" and "free" from the "distractions" that your reactive mind is going to bombard you with---like the thought: "OMG, I wasted my life, this is insane, am I stupid?!"

    THETA SPEAK: "Ron Hubbard, the religion’s founder, had researched and ministered the first OT levels aboard a ship in the late 1960s. A ship therefore would have particular religious significance to Scientologists.".
    ENGLISH: The "particular religious significance to Scientologists" is confidential to you, the IRS. But if we asked a Scientologist while in-session on an e-meter what the "religious significance" of a boat was, they would line charge with VVVGIS and a floating TA---and we'd have to end the session until they stopped laughing from that joke.


  5. screamer2

    screamer2 Idiot Bastardson

    Yeah. What are you gonna do? Jump into the sea miles and miles from land with carnivorous sponges and meat-eating fish all around? You're completely safe, alright.
    Type4_PTS and tesseract like this.
  6. HelluvaHoax!

    HelluvaHoax! Platinum Meritorious Sponsor with bells on


    In fact when (as a teen-ager) I joined the billion year Salvation Navy (in order to save the planet and salvage the sector), within a couple days I suddenly found myself aboard a Sea Org ship, with the nightmarish reality of crazies now running my young life. That was not what I expected and a trillion light years from what they "promised to deliver" to me as a new recruit.

    I desperately wanted to escape and felt alone, overwhelmed and "enturbulated". At one point I could see, from where we were anchored, that the shore was within eyesight--and all I could think of was whether if I dove overboard, whether I could swim to shore without drowning or getting eaten by sharks or stung to death by jellyfish. I was too afraid to do it, but I contemplated it for a few brief horrific moments before the whistle blew and everyone scrambled to run back to their duties.

    Pathetic. With the cult's glossy patina covering it all, perhaps a better description would be---sublime pathos.

    The cult is good at being a cult and making young naive, gullible and malleable minds mutate into the messianic mindset of Meitreyya, the reborn Buddha-Commodore, so i lasted a couple years longer at one of the cult's land-based implant stations.

    Yes, I was supremely stupid.

    I plead guilty (by reason of insanity) but I blame no one except myself.

    Cuz, the contract--I signed it.

    Mea Culpa Culta.
    phenomanon likes this.
  7. Karen#1

    Karen#1 Gold Meritorious Patron

    This is a work of Art. A fan of Janis Gillham Grady sent to her and she told me to post.
    This picture is a collage of 95 books and *SP* publications on Scientology written by ex-Scientologists and journalist, media exposes and so on.
    Click to magnify.
    WHEW !

    Tanchi and ThetanExterior like this.
  8. guanoloco

    guanoloco As-Wased

    Damn!! That's cool!!
  9. HelluvaHoax!

    HelluvaHoax! Platinum Meritorious Sponsor with bells on

    Wow, fantatsic, love it!
  10. guanoloco

    guanoloco As-Wased

    It's a good thing that Scientology had done this:

    In addition, he and the constitutional lawyer worked out how not to pay taxes and social security for the 80 Sea Org members working on the base at the time. Only a few key officials were registered as employees, the rest were “volunteer helpers” on paper (that’s how I lost nine years, which will not count when my state pension is calculated later – just like the other 200 people, who worked there for shorter or longer periods of time).
    So that they could afford to do this:

    Additionally, he organized a few Drug-free Marathons and other PR events and even had time to hire private investigators to go after people he identified as the enemies of the Church. He had a good number of OSA volunteers working on secret and shady projects.
    Was any money "saved"?
  11. Karen#1

    Karen#1 Gold Meritorious Patron

    We have all heard about the intense GREED for money, a greed that is unsurpassed in modern culture.
    One of the tactics in the cult is to MONETIZE masturbation that the cult can extract more $$$ for your crime of touching your own body.
    Endless confessionals for thousands of dollars for 12.5 hours entail enforced confessions on masturbation
    I talk to Chris Shelton about this and he explains~~

    Churchill, HelluvaHoax! and tesseract like this.
  12. guanoloco

    guanoloco As-Wased

    Ron is lucky he wasn't a parishioner...

    "I have a very bad masturbatory history. I was taught when I was 11 and, despite guilt, fear of insanity, etc. etc. I persisted. At a physical examination at a Y when I was about 13, the examiner and the people with him called me out of the line because my testicles hung low and cautioned me about what would happen if I kept on masturbating. This "discovery" was a bad shock to me."​
    Karen#1 likes this.
  13. JackStraw

    JackStraw Silver Meritorious Patron

    Maybe someone could check this: I seem to recall an entry in the tech dictionary "The Greatest Overt" or something like that.
    Maybe the biggest overt or something. The definition was (words to the effect of) "making one guilty of ones crimes."

    If I'm recalling this right, the cherch is committing the biggest overt there is with every one of these "self-abuse" sec checks!

    Let's see who's surprised...

    Type4_PTS likes this.
  14. guanoloco

    guanoloco As-Wased

    I remember some Grade 2 tapes or something where he's yapping about pulling overts and the PC gives up a masturbation incident and he brushes it off - no, we're looking for overts here not masturbation incidents...something that the PC has done to somebody...not an "overt" of nothing.


    Type4_PTS, JackStraw and tesseract like this.
  15. freethinker

    freethinker Sponsor

    I don't think you have ever done a Life History of the Theta Times Billy had on the RPF. I heard he would get up at the crack of Dusk just to be first at the Crack of dawn muster. The serene look on his face, the pride of being the commodores personal ashtray with his hand out and other with hat in hand. Or when he used to come out of the bilges all covered in slime with that huge literal shit eating grin from having such special duty. How he used to go back and edit and polish up his OW writeups so the Commode would be proud of him. Remember the time, on his 5x 2,300th time around the pole when he sprinted to a finish and threw up? Or when he used to crawl out from under the spider ridden, snake infested house out at the ranch so he could have the Commodes coffee ready before he woke up at 1PM? Those were times huh?
    strativarius likes this.
  16. HelluvaHoax!

    HelluvaHoax! Platinum Meritorious Sponsor with bells on

    lol lol lol lol lol
  17. HelluvaHoax!

    HelluvaHoax! Platinum Meritorious Sponsor with bells on



    That is the only auditing command in all of Scientology that actually works!

    Because (when answered affirmatively) it's the only command that advances the PC towards the goal of "Total Freedom".

  18. HelluvaHoax!

    HelluvaHoax! Platinum Meritorious Sponsor with bells on


    The following promo piece courtesy of MIKE RINDER'S BLOG
    and today's terrific essay about "clearing the planet".

    - - - - - -


    That advertisement wins this years "SCIENTOLOGISTS ARE NOT GOOD AT IRONY" award.

    Because, those huge winning grins and soaring graph vectors DO NOT DEPICT the volume of Clears & OTs produced.

    It represents the volume of people defrauded, who trusted Scientologists enough to pay $500,000 or more for non-existent technology, based on non-existent science that produces non-existent miraculous superpowers.

    Graph lines (up or down) are meaningless because it's all non-existence. They are running a used car lot without any cars to sell---and they never sold any cars in the past either. All that is happening is that they are using graphs like kid's coloring books and marking in whatever makes them "feel good".

    We can now confirm that the COS is actually the Cult of Schadenfreude. They get gargantuan VVGI wins when others are duped, defrauded & destroyed. Wogs call it sociopathic sadism. But we needn't be concerned about this 7 decade crime wave that has destroyed countless individuals, groups, companies and families----because Scientologists "feel good about it".

    DMSMH: Dupenetics the Modern Scam of Money & Hubris.​

    Type4_PTS and Operating DB like this.
  19. HelluvaHoax!

    HelluvaHoax! Platinum Meritorious Sponsor with bells on


    The Total Freedom Paradox

    CLIFF NOTES VERSION (aka; " How to fall over a cult cliff"): The Total Freedom Paradox is an interactive role playing hobby created by L. Ron Hubbard, the noted mid-century early pioneer of virtual reality "self help" games. Notably, the game was the precursor of modern-day "Sports Fantasy Games", wherein the player created an avatar known as the "PC" who had both internal and external impediments which must be overcome in order to reach the nirvana like highest level, referred to as "Total Freedom".

    The Avatar's internal barriers to achieving the highest level are designated "case" or, alternatively, "the reactive mind" or "bank".

    The Avatar's external barriers are variously formatted obstructions which must be overcome, typically identified as "SPs", "Squirrels" and/or "Psychs".

    Unbeknownst to the player (prior to attaining the highest level of "Total Freedom") each of the Avatar's one (1) "wins" (zapping and erasing barriers) causes two (2) new and hidden impediments to be embedded in the Avatar's power supply (i.e. money) and postulate supply (i.e. the quantify of "magical wishes" or "miracles" in their arsenal). Ergo, for each forward advance and "gain", the Avatar in fact moves further away from the Total Freedom goal.

    This necessarily sets up an ever-increasing subliminal frustration in the Avatar, which they believe is the result of intensified efforts from their bank or SPs---causing them to strive even harder to break free of the game's booby traps. This sets in motion Hubbard's ingenious "Chinese Finger Trap Technology" wherein the trapped party begins to desperately and hysterically try to pull themselves out.

    In the game's 70 year history, only a handful of players were able to reach the ultimate highest level of Total Freedom, at which point they were immediately returned to the first level and instructed to begin again due to some technical glitches which mistakenly allowed them to inadvertently & unfairly advance to the highest level by software errors that allowed them to skip over certain significant earlier levels.

    The player is allowed to continue playing the game in perpetuity and/or until they become frustrated enough to rage blow after screaming: "This is total bullshit, nobody is ever allowed to win the game!" At such points, the Avatar is suddenly directed to the GAME CODE OF CONDUCT page, where various rules are highlighted like: "Total Freedom is a game where everybody wins. If you feel you are not winning, you are playing the game incorrectly and need to sign up for a game consultation 12.5 hour online service.

    If the player refuses to sign up, their ID and PASSWORD are immediately blocked and they are prevented from playing further, after which they are permanently banned with an "SP" (Suppressive Player) declare.


    Type4_PTS and tesseract like this.
  20. DagwoodGum

    DagwoodGum Squirreling Dervish

    I cringe at the memory of signing one of those billion years in hell contracts after an event in the mid '70s where I was worked upon unmercifully by one of the two band members of the "free concert" sponsored by the "Church" that I attended with a clam friend.
    They and their other regge's descended upon the few of us attendee's who had somehow forced ourselves to sit through the entirety of their "Glory Be To Ron" rock and roll show, it was SO BAD!
    I held out for about 2 hours before caving and signing the document, like a bonehead.
    I used to worry about whether or not the mere fact of my signature being on that contract was somehow enforceable and that I would be rounded up and shipped off for implantation at one of their remote sites. Or whether Ron Hubbard really is Satan and whether I would find myself at the gates of Hell after passing away only to be met by him flashing that signed contract and hexing me into becoming one of his demons and that would be my eternity.
    I worried about that for years, even off and on for a few years after I ran for my life by the late 70s.
    I could so easily have ended up as a Sea Orger if not for just a few twists of fate.
    I actually gravitated to this message board after being away from the subject for 4 decades or so because I wanted to know what would have likely become of me had I not fled when I did by reading the stories so many have told here about what they went through.
    I especially feel for those who had to stay in because they had no where else to go and now have no retirement as they head into their "golden years".