ChaoticPsychotic
Patron with Honors
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WELCOME TO THE MOST ETHICAL GROUP ON THE PLANET
- Thread starter ChaoticPsychotic
- Start date
Pliny Younger
Patron with Honors
Wow, I am really starting to have a reality of sea org life from reading a few of these stories.
You should not have had to endure this as an adult let alone a child.
Don't think your story isn't being read. Most of the stories I have read, I have not replied to. I have just taken them in. Also, if a person doesn't register on this site, they can't post a reply. Your story is being heard and creating an effect and is probably moving someone out there to take a position, understand or even move to tell their story either here or to someone in their life that matters to them.
I await your next installment and thanks for sharing it with us.
SchwimmelPuckel
Genuine Meatball
CP, I'm reading your story too! 
- I think a lot of people do, pundits and lurkers...
Your last two intallments makes me damned angry.. At the Sinister Scamcult of $cientology and their 'ethics'..
I think I made this suggestion before.. But get in touch with other young women who had these experiences. Bea comes to mind.. There are others who slips my mind just now.. Talk backchannel and see if something can be done legally... Some really alarmingly LARGE compensations are in order!
Hrrmpf! - Force them to sell the goddamn SP building!
- I think a lot of people do, pundits and lurkers...Your last two intallments makes me damned angry.. At the Sinister Scamcult of $cientology and their 'ethics'..
I think I made this suggestion before.. But get in touch with other young women who had these experiences. Bea comes to mind.. There are others who slips my mind just now.. Talk backchannel and see if something can be done legally... Some really alarmingly LARGE compensations are in order!
Hrrmpf! - Force them to sell the goddamn SP building!
Wisened One
Crusader
WOW, CP. Just..WOW....I'm soooo glad you are OUT....Take a break and write more when you are ready.....
Terril park
Sponsor
I certainly wouldn't blame you. You suffered abuse in the name of the tech and Hubbard.
Look forward to the rest of your story.
best wishes
ChaoticPsychotic
Patron with Honors
Wow, I took a few days away from writing this and I kinda lost my train of thought. Let's see... well let me fill you in on a couple of things. I have not given a blow by blow account of my days because that is to much to expect, I just cannot get my memory to cooperate that nicely. I want to tell you though, there were a couple of times that I did get to go home to visit my parents and brother. Usually for no longer than 4 days if I recall. Now the next bit I think that I will share requires this explanation first:
I wanted to go home for a visit with my family. This was formally called an LOA. I needed to write a CSW in order to be approved for going home on this LOA. I had to get approval from my senior, my senior's senior and then a few execs. Since the org was still in a lower condition what I was requesting was pretty much a miracle. I finished my Pro Word Clearer's Internship like I was told I would have to before getting to take my LOA. The CSW had gotten all the way up the command channels and then got stuck in the CO's office. Now, I was supposed to be flying out of Burbank airport that night. I was getting frantic. Why was my CSW not being signed? I went into the Exec Office which had a door in it leading directly into the CO's office. I begged the execs to help me to get the CSW approved. I had put it in the works about 3 weeks prior so it would have plenty of time to make it thru the comm lines. So I told the execs that I needed to be at the airport in about an hour and I still hadn't heard anything back on my CSW and I was getting super nervous. So the Chief Off went in and I could hear the CO yelling at her. The CO then came storming out of her office and proceeded to rip me a new one for daring to pull her execs off post and interfere with the running of the org etc. etc. etc. I burst into tears - of course she reamed me once again for having case on post. The execs rose to my defense. The Supercargo talked to the CO and the Chief Off did too - they explained to her what a flap it would cause if I were not allowed to go home to see my family since I am a minor. I don't recall all of what happened but I do remember the CO asking if my dad was on staff somewhere "Yessir, he's the Div 2 Reg at the Redwood City Mission" I told her. She demanded the number and picked up the phone and called him. She then proceeded to mind fuck my dad for several minutes. I don't even know why. She was yelling at him and telling him that I was causing a huge flap in the org and had all the execs pulled off post just so I could take my precious leave and blah blah blah. She finally told my dad that she would let me come home. At this point though, my flight had already gone. So I had to work out a standby flight for the next morning. My point here is - I had a bitch all of a time trying to get a legitimate leave.
Now here we are about 6 months later. Christmas is around the corner. I have been a good girl. My stats have been up. I have been avidly working on getting my Int Clearances to go up to Gold. I have been word clearing away. My parents asked if I was going to make it home for Christmas. I told them that I sure would be there! In my mind though, I already knew that I was not going to CSW this time. I was going to BLOW! I had had such a hard time getting an approval last time that I knew in my heart I would never be allowed to go this time. In fact, if I recall correctly the CO had already announced to the whole org that NO one was going home for Christmas this year. So I lied. I told my mom and dad that they could go ahead an buy the plane ticket since I was coming home for Christmas. I told them as the time came near that I indeed had gotten an approved CSW. Meanwhile every night that I went home, I would carefully go through my things and pick out what I did not want to leave behind. I had to leave quite a bit of my stuff behind seeing as I could not bring it all on the plane. I also had to make it look to my roommates like I was just going to be gone for a few days over Christmas. I had lied to them too and told them that I had an approved CSW to go home. Well the 23rd had rolled around. It was GO time. I took my trunk and hustled it downstairs at about 4 am. I had called for a cab and as soon as it pulled up I hopped in and told him to take me to the airport. I had to leave really early in the morning to ensure that no one would be up to see me go. I got to the airport and found a chair out of the way (so if they came looking they would not find me easily) and waited. My flight was not scheduled to take of for about 4 hours. I think that those were the longest, most nerve wracking hours of my life. I was certain that THEY would come and find me. Finally it was time to board my flight. I was so relieved. I had made it this far. I flew home. My daddy picked me up. I came home with him and we had breakfast and did normal family things. Then we all piled into the car and drove off to the Christmas tree farm where we spent the afternoon picking and cutting down the perfect tree. Thank God we were out of the house. I had about peed myself every time the phone had rung that morning. Well, eventually we had to get back to the house. We had our tree and the sun was going down. So we got back and there was a message waiting on the machine "Hi Mr. & Mrs. Wagner, this is Amy the HAS ITO. I was wondering if you had spoken to Melanie recently...? Could you please call me back ASAP at blah blah blah?". Oh shit. My dad looked at me. All I could do was shrug my shoulders. I then burst into tears as he was dialing. My mom just frowned at me. I was busted. Now it was a matter of wait and see...
My dad got off the phone after several minutes. He took my mom into the bedroom and they had a talk. They came back out and my dad informed me that they were VERY disappointed in me and that they would be shipping me back first thing in the morning. For the rest of the night they wanted me doing chores, washing dishes and scrubbing toilets, that sort of thing. I could not believe it. I was betrayed by my very own parents. Instead of inquiring what would have driven me to leaving like that, they just solemnly swore to ship me back. On Christmas Eve no less. Words cannot begin to express the heartbreak I felt. The next morning they loaded me up - told me that they were keeping my things and my presents and that they would ship them back when I was out of lower conditions. I flew back to LA, was picked up and immediately put on the decks once more. I spent Christmas scrubbing pots and pans that year. I was on the decks for over a month that time. I just couldn't get through that damn Doubt Condition. Of course at this point, I felt that even if I had left - I would have nowhere to go (in retrospect my Grandparents would have GLADLY taken me). My own parents wouldn't want me? Certainly not after shipping me back like they did? What else could a girl think? I was 15 when this happened.
This is hard for me. Every time that I think I am "so over it all" I find out that I am not. I guess I have a lot of residual anger, hurt and trust issues as a result of these experiences. It never ceases to amaze me. I think that the incident I wrote about above was one of the worst experiences for me. It did far more damage to me than any of the abuses I endured. Funny how some things that may seem small to one person are life changing for another. To this day I don't think my parents have any idea how much their simple act of sending me back to the Sea Org like "good little Scientologists" actually damaged me. I am left sitting here with a huge painful lump in my throat and chest, like I just ate an entire loaf of Wonder Bread.
I wanted to go home for a visit with my family. This was formally called an LOA. I needed to write a CSW in order to be approved for going home on this LOA. I had to get approval from my senior, my senior's senior and then a few execs. Since the org was still in a lower condition what I was requesting was pretty much a miracle. I finished my Pro Word Clearer's Internship like I was told I would have to before getting to take my LOA. The CSW had gotten all the way up the command channels and then got stuck in the CO's office. Now, I was supposed to be flying out of Burbank airport that night. I was getting frantic. Why was my CSW not being signed? I went into the Exec Office which had a door in it leading directly into the CO's office. I begged the execs to help me to get the CSW approved. I had put it in the works about 3 weeks prior so it would have plenty of time to make it thru the comm lines. So I told the execs that I needed to be at the airport in about an hour and I still hadn't heard anything back on my CSW and I was getting super nervous. So the Chief Off went in and I could hear the CO yelling at her. The CO then came storming out of her office and proceeded to rip me a new one for daring to pull her execs off post and interfere with the running of the org etc. etc. etc. I burst into tears - of course she reamed me once again for having case on post. The execs rose to my defense. The Supercargo talked to the CO and the Chief Off did too - they explained to her what a flap it would cause if I were not allowed to go home to see my family since I am a minor. I don't recall all of what happened but I do remember the CO asking if my dad was on staff somewhere "Yessir, he's the Div 2 Reg at the Redwood City Mission" I told her. She demanded the number and picked up the phone and called him. She then proceeded to mind fuck my dad for several minutes. I don't even know why. She was yelling at him and telling him that I was causing a huge flap in the org and had all the execs pulled off post just so I could take my precious leave and blah blah blah. She finally told my dad that she would let me come home. At this point though, my flight had already gone. So I had to work out a standby flight for the next morning. My point here is - I had a bitch all of a time trying to get a legitimate leave.
Now here we are about 6 months later. Christmas is around the corner. I have been a good girl. My stats have been up. I have been avidly working on getting my Int Clearances to go up to Gold. I have been word clearing away. My parents asked if I was going to make it home for Christmas. I told them that I sure would be there! In my mind though, I already knew that I was not going to CSW this time. I was going to BLOW! I had had such a hard time getting an approval last time that I knew in my heart I would never be allowed to go this time. In fact, if I recall correctly the CO had already announced to the whole org that NO one was going home for Christmas this year. So I lied. I told my mom and dad that they could go ahead an buy the plane ticket since I was coming home for Christmas. I told them as the time came near that I indeed had gotten an approved CSW. Meanwhile every night that I went home, I would carefully go through my things and pick out what I did not want to leave behind. I had to leave quite a bit of my stuff behind seeing as I could not bring it all on the plane. I also had to make it look to my roommates like I was just going to be gone for a few days over Christmas. I had lied to them too and told them that I had an approved CSW to go home. Well the 23rd had rolled around. It was GO time. I took my trunk and hustled it downstairs at about 4 am. I had called for a cab and as soon as it pulled up I hopped in and told him to take me to the airport. I had to leave really early in the morning to ensure that no one would be up to see me go. I got to the airport and found a chair out of the way (so if they came looking they would not find me easily) and waited. My flight was not scheduled to take of for about 4 hours. I think that those were the longest, most nerve wracking hours of my life. I was certain that THEY would come and find me. Finally it was time to board my flight. I was so relieved. I had made it this far. I flew home. My daddy picked me up. I came home with him and we had breakfast and did normal family things. Then we all piled into the car and drove off to the Christmas tree farm where we spent the afternoon picking and cutting down the perfect tree. Thank God we were out of the house. I had about peed myself every time the phone had rung that morning. Well, eventually we had to get back to the house. We had our tree and the sun was going down. So we got back and there was a message waiting on the machine "Hi Mr. & Mrs. Wagner, this is Amy the HAS ITO. I was wondering if you had spoken to Melanie recently...? Could you please call me back ASAP at blah blah blah?". Oh shit. My dad looked at me. All I could do was shrug my shoulders. I then burst into tears as he was dialing. My mom just frowned at me. I was busted. Now it was a matter of wait and see...
My dad got off the phone after several minutes. He took my mom into the bedroom and they had a talk. They came back out and my dad informed me that they were VERY disappointed in me and that they would be shipping me back first thing in the morning. For the rest of the night they wanted me doing chores, washing dishes and scrubbing toilets, that sort of thing. I could not believe it. I was betrayed by my very own parents. Instead of inquiring what would have driven me to leaving like that, they just solemnly swore to ship me back. On Christmas Eve no less. Words cannot begin to express the heartbreak I felt. The next morning they loaded me up - told me that they were keeping my things and my presents and that they would ship them back when I was out of lower conditions. I flew back to LA, was picked up and immediately put on the decks once more. I spent Christmas scrubbing pots and pans that year. I was on the decks for over a month that time. I just couldn't get through that damn Doubt Condition. Of course at this point, I felt that even if I had left - I would have nowhere to go (in retrospect my Grandparents would have GLADLY taken me). My own parents wouldn't want me? Certainly not after shipping me back like they did? What else could a girl think? I was 15 when this happened.
This is hard for me. Every time that I think I am "so over it all" I find out that I am not. I guess I have a lot of residual anger, hurt and trust issues as a result of these experiences. It never ceases to amaze me. I think that the incident I wrote about above was one of the worst experiences for me. It did far more damage to me than any of the abuses I endured. Funny how some things that may seem small to one person are life changing for another. To this day I don't think my parents have any idea how much their simple act of sending me back to the Sea Org like "good little Scientologists" actually damaged me. I am left sitting here with a huge painful lump in my throat and chest, like I just ate an entire loaf of Wonder Bread.
sandygirl
Silver Meritorious Patron
Dear CP,
It leaves a lump in my throat just reading it. It's sick but your parents really thought they were "helping" you.
I have a family member who sent ALL of his kids and I know this was not by their choice. He really thinks he is doing the right thing!
My parents treat me like I'm some serial killer about to go off ever since I quit the "church".
However, just know it's wrong and forgive their ignorance!
We love you!!!Thank God you're free!!
It leaves a lump in my throat just reading it. It's sick but your parents really thought they were "helping" you.
I have a family member who sent ALL of his kids and I know this was not by their choice. He really thinks he is doing the right thing!
My parents treat me like I'm some serial killer about to go off ever since I quit the "church".
However, just know it's wrong and forgive their ignorance!
We love you!!!Thank God you're free!!
Wisened One
Crusader
OMG, Melanie:
I felt SICK to my stomach while reading it....especially the escape, (had all those EXACT feelings while waiting the couple hours for our plane to leave, too!).
BUT...THEN when your own parents sent you back like that...OMG....
Post more when you're ready...I can't wait to read the part where you left for GOOD!
I felt SICK to my stomach while reading it....especially the escape, (had all those EXACT feelings while waiting the couple hours for our plane to leave, too!).
BUT...THEN when your own parents sent you back like that...OMG....
Post more when you're ready...I can't wait to read the part where you left for GOOD!
sandygirl
Silver Meritorious Patron
Quote from Marie:
I really think a lot of Scio. parents do not have a clue about the real conditions their SO kids are living in.
If they start to get a clue..then they can always chant inane excuses like:
-No thetan EVER gave birth to another thetan. It's a MOCKED UP unit.
-They're just thetans in little bodies
-You're ensuring their infinity
etc. etc.
Another example of Scios being unable to look and see what is really there!
I really think a lot of Scio. parents do not have a clue about the real conditions their SO kids are living in.
If they start to get a clue..then they can always chant inane excuses like:
-No thetan EVER gave birth to another thetan. It's a MOCKED UP unit.
-They're just thetans in little bodies
-You're ensuring their infinity
etc. etc.
Another example of Scios being unable to look and see what is really there!
Voltaire's Child
Fool on the Hill
I think CofS is so cultic that a lot of members are prone to compartmentalization. So they can listen to a tape where Hubbard talks about duress and how bad it is for people, then they can actually witness duress being applied to someone in the name of Scn and be ok with it.
It's 'The Tech' working. One part that works is the increased ability to believe two polar opposite contradictories without even recognizing the contradiction.
It's a 'feature', not a 'bug'
Zinj
Smitty
Silver Meritorious Patron
comment to ChaoticPsychotic
Looks like, despite the betrayal from your parents, you have responded pretty well. I comment that based on the character of your parents, I would not give them the time of day.
Smitty
Looks like, despite the betrayal from your parents, you have responded pretty well. I comment that based on the character of your parents, I would not give them the time of day.
Smitty
Good twin
Floater
I have always been amazed at the relationship of Scio parents with their children who leave the SO. Even those who are very close to their kids never seem to know what happened or why their kid left. I know four different sets of parents who have told me "he/she doesn't want to talk about it". The kids' silence seems very implanty to me. This is the only place where I've heard anything about why anyone left. It's amazing really.
Div6
Crusader
This is an excerpt from the "Justifications" HCOB:
"The fact is this: unburdening is considered by him to be an overt act. People withhold overt acts because they conceive that telling them would be another overt act. It is as though Thetans are trying to absorb and hold out of sight all the evil of the world. This is wrong-headed, by withholding overt acts these are kept afloat in the universe and are themselves as withholds entirely the cause of continued evil. Man is basically good but he could not attain expression of this until now. Nobody but the individual could die
for his own sins—to arrange things otherwise was to keep man in chains."
One wonders if anyone ever read it....
