Dave B.
Maximus Ultimus Mostimus
Disclaimer: I use cult-speak terms here. Sometimes they convey the idea and our shared experience of the cult maybe helps explain my meaning better.
2013 was one of the most eventful and strangest years for me. The highest of highs and the lowest lows - sometimes separated by mere minutes. ;-) hahaha. I experienced and saw some of the saddest things I have ever seen and was the happiest I have ever been. If only briefly. (Hey, i.m.o. it's better than not experiencing that brief happiness.) I made real connections with people. And regained some of my humanity.
I fell in love, and I fell out of love. My dormant emotions turned on full blast and overwhelmed me. This is a double-edged sword. I now totally understand the need some people have to self-medicate. I don't judge them. I try to understand. It can be almost unbearable to experience the full range and depth of Human emotions in such an intense manner. Cult propaganda to the contrary. I think "they" may be afraid of being human. It's not for pussies.
In 2013 I had realizations of incredible depth, such that they scared me. And had and have no idea HOW to live with them or if it was possible for me to even incorporate certain "knowingnesses" into my life. I still do not know if I can.
I saw things from other peoples point of view, which I was capable of before but didn't frequently do. Thus I expanded on my so-called "dynamics". (I use cult-speak terms sometimes if it fits), and saw what kind of person I was in other peoples eyes. I was pleasantly surprised at the kind of person people think I am - but also saw the large amount of work I need to do on myself.
I had many people extend kindnesses to me that touched my heart. I don't have the writing skill to convey the meanings or emotions of some of these events and do them justice. Maybe face to face with someone I could describe, but even then I don't know. Some life altering encounters happened to me.
As I've posted before in the grand scheme of things my near-death experience in 2011 with the cult was, compared to others, not that bad. I mean if you're going to judge personal disasters and compare them one to another. ;-) It was horrific, but, I lived. "Those whom the Lord loves He chastens."
Mostly in 2013, I learned COMPASSION for people.
How can I not when a meth-addicted 21 year old girl GIVES me her sole copy of The Power of Now and wants me to have a better life!
How can I not when a penniless hobo GIVES me a $100+ pair of classic Rayban sunglasses 'cause he thinks "I might need them."
I've had so many meaningful experiences, (to me) in 2013 it's almost unbelievable. And in one man's attempt and search for meaning I try to understand WHY. What is being communicated to me now that wasn't before? Wake the fuck up buddy! This isn't the dress rehearsal. "Git yer butt out there!"
This journey has changed me. For that I'm grateful. We're all travelers on this road. The realizations that come with that humble me. How can I be useful?
That may be the entire point of this particular lifetime for me. To learn compassion for people. Not that I wasn't before. But to awaken it and practice it. I was not living up to what I have in me. Again, it can be an almost overwhelming emotion. Rather than shut it off with other emotions and retreat to some fall-back position, I've I think successfully got a grip on it. It took the almost entire reorganization of my so-called life. That's all. ;-) "Tell me what you hope to find I'll tell you what you've got to lose."
I am so happy I can be of some help to some people. I try. My ineffectualness frustrates me. But sometimes just a kind word is enough.
This makes me feel very, very good. Almost in the Hierarchy of Needs self-actualization sense. I needed this. I'm a bit worried of the/my future but also tremendously excited by it.
So in a weird way. A rattlesnake being a rattlesnake, I can't blame the cult for being the cult. The people stuck in it remind me of maybe, metal filings stuck in the magnetic field of two magnets. It can be very hard to throw themselves out of that flux. Even if they wake up from the trance. I understand. I was there. I know. You know. May the New Year bring more captive souls out of the cult of $cientology to freedom.
My best wishes for them and theirs. I hope when they awaken from their slumber they regain their humanity.
And for you. From a fellow traveler, Happy New Year!
I don't think it's the arrival that's important. But the quality of our journey? Make sure you're a good friend and you will have friends. Friends are very important and make life worth living. But you already knew that. ;-) Boy! I sure learned that this past year!
Or in another sense: "The love you take is equal to the love you make."
cheers,
Charles "Chas." Jeronimo
Portland, Oregon
2013 was one of the most eventful and strangest years for me. The highest of highs and the lowest lows - sometimes separated by mere minutes. ;-) hahaha. I experienced and saw some of the saddest things I have ever seen and was the happiest I have ever been. If only briefly. (Hey, i.m.o. it's better than not experiencing that brief happiness.) I made real connections with people. And regained some of my humanity.
I fell in love, and I fell out of love. My dormant emotions turned on full blast and overwhelmed me. This is a double-edged sword. I now totally understand the need some people have to self-medicate. I don't judge them. I try to understand. It can be almost unbearable to experience the full range and depth of Human emotions in such an intense manner. Cult propaganda to the contrary. I think "they" may be afraid of being human. It's not for pussies.
In 2013 I had realizations of incredible depth, such that they scared me. And had and have no idea HOW to live with them or if it was possible for me to even incorporate certain "knowingnesses" into my life. I still do not know if I can.
I saw things from other peoples point of view, which I was capable of before but didn't frequently do. Thus I expanded on my so-called "dynamics". (I use cult-speak terms sometimes if it fits), and saw what kind of person I was in other peoples eyes. I was pleasantly surprised at the kind of person people think I am - but also saw the large amount of work I need to do on myself.
I had many people extend kindnesses to me that touched my heart. I don't have the writing skill to convey the meanings or emotions of some of these events and do them justice. Maybe face to face with someone I could describe, but even then I don't know. Some life altering encounters happened to me.
As I've posted before in the grand scheme of things my near-death experience in 2011 with the cult was, compared to others, not that bad. I mean if you're going to judge personal disasters and compare them one to another. ;-) It was horrific, but, I lived. "Those whom the Lord loves He chastens."
Mostly in 2013, I learned COMPASSION for people.
How can I not when a meth-addicted 21 year old girl GIVES me her sole copy of The Power of Now and wants me to have a better life!
How can I not when a penniless hobo GIVES me a $100+ pair of classic Rayban sunglasses 'cause he thinks "I might need them."
I've had so many meaningful experiences, (to me) in 2013 it's almost unbelievable. And in one man's attempt and search for meaning I try to understand WHY. What is being communicated to me now that wasn't before? Wake the fuck up buddy! This isn't the dress rehearsal. "Git yer butt out there!"
This journey has changed me. For that I'm grateful. We're all travelers on this road. The realizations that come with that humble me. How can I be useful?
That may be the entire point of this particular lifetime for me. To learn compassion for people. Not that I wasn't before. But to awaken it and practice it. I was not living up to what I have in me. Again, it can be an almost overwhelming emotion. Rather than shut it off with other emotions and retreat to some fall-back position, I've I think successfully got a grip on it. It took the almost entire reorganization of my so-called life. That's all. ;-) "Tell me what you hope to find I'll tell you what you've got to lose."
I am so happy I can be of some help to some people. I try. My ineffectualness frustrates me. But sometimes just a kind word is enough.
This makes me feel very, very good. Almost in the Hierarchy of Needs self-actualization sense. I needed this. I'm a bit worried of the/my future but also tremendously excited by it.
So in a weird way. A rattlesnake being a rattlesnake, I can't blame the cult for being the cult. The people stuck in it remind me of maybe, metal filings stuck in the magnetic field of two magnets. It can be very hard to throw themselves out of that flux. Even if they wake up from the trance. I understand. I was there. I know. You know. May the New Year bring more captive souls out of the cult of $cientology to freedom.
My best wishes for them and theirs. I hope when they awaken from their slumber they regain their humanity.
And for you. From a fellow traveler, Happy New Year!
I don't think it's the arrival that's important. But the quality of our journey? Make sure you're a good friend and you will have friends. Friends are very important and make life worth living. But you already knew that. ;-) Boy! I sure learned that this past year!Or in another sense: "The love you take is equal to the love you make."
cheers,
Charles "Chas." Jeronimo
Portland, Oregon
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