ESMB has entered archive mode. All posts and threads that were available to the general public are still readable. The board is still searchable. 

Thank you all for your participation and readership over the last 12 years.

If you want to join in the conversation, please join the new ESMB Redux at

What's the LAMEST thing you ever heard at an org?

Discussion in 'Staff "War Stories"' started by Thrak, Jun 18, 2008.

  1. Stan D'Teque

    Stan D'Teque Patron with Honors

    A friend of mine had her boyfriend tell her that he had lost interest in having sex with her because he was so high up on the Bridge ( he was on OT7) and she wouldn't be able to understand it because she'd not even done her Grades yet. Turns out he was bonking someone else!! He wound up in jail for crimes that obviously didn't get handled. Dunno how he stayed on the Level that long but hey - I guess if you pay enough money no-one will look too closely at you.
  2. Sir Facer

    Sir Facer Patron with Honors

    Introduction to SO members

    I was 6 weeks old as a staff member and I was sitting at reception. 2 nights prior to this the staff got a DSA briefing on Governments around the world doing investigations with-in various Orgs, that entailed government workers going through Church files & documents, and we were getting drilling on what to do if a Government representative was to turn up to an ORG.

    Looking back on this now, Being as new as I was, it was v.outgradient, However I felt more genned in and thought, atleast I would now Know what to do, should the occassion ever arise.

    Now, back to me sitting at reception, I could see all the way down stairs from the top of the staircase, where reception was placed when the door buzzer went off.
    I looked down and saw two fully dressed millitary people.They where slowly proceeding up, I panicked and thought I better do a code Blue/Red and I jumped up like a jack in the box and ran through the Org screaming "the government are here!!!!!!!" they are going to infiltrate!.
    the ED & OES looked at me very strangely, and marched out at once to reception, where the two military people all garbed up with gold ropes, and fruit salad hanging off them and they even had there officer hats on.

    The ED looked at me and smiled and said its okay they are from the Sea Org. I said the what??? The ED slightly embarrased turned to the two Sea Org members & introduced me as the newest member to the team:happydance:

    They both went from Anal retentatvive strict militaristic types:grouch: :grouch: , to a big PR smile:D :D and a welcome. They then said we just need to speak to your ED and we would love to meet you more a bit later.

    I looked at the ED & OES and noticed they both looked a tad stressed:nervous: :nervous: , I continued on my own merry way and just proceeded to do my post I was learning in the Public divisions:coolwink: .

    As more staff noticed the two Sea Org members had arrived, the staff became quite and all seemed to be uncomfortable nailbiting: , while me being me, I was singing , cracking jokes and just kept being my extraverted self :whistling: , not realising the "way of the Sea Org".

    Then all the Execs and the DSA proceeded to the EXEC area, I was asked to start bodyrouting, which I was good at and did not mind doing. Off I went with my clipboard and proceeded to fill the Org with new public onto the testing & film line.

    I did not know how to do evaluations of the test, I could only mark them, so the deal was that I would fill the Org with a ton of new people and I would then get an all-hands eval done.

    As the first 3 tests where done I proceeded to where the staff where being breifed (or screamed at for something by the Anal retentive Sea Org members) and intereupted the Sea Org member who was talkking and said -

    " oh well times up all-hands now" I gave an OCA graph to the OES and said this ones yours, then I gave one to one of the Sea Org member and said here ya go, and looked at his fruit salad on his jacket (meaning Campaign ribbons) and said well; with all that I'm sure you know how to read a graph, and then handed the next one to another staff member, clapped my hands in the air & said "Show time" snap to it, public come first!!! The horror on everyones face:omg:

    At that point the OES came up and as nice as he could without exploding, he said sweetheart, you can not ask the Sea Org to do anything for you, I replied "why not" I thought the only reason an Org existed was to sell & deliver Scn service & materials to the public :omg: , thats what the ED says every day at the sheep muster:happydance: , He said "mate dont ever say that infront of them either, I'll explain later".

    I marked tests and before I could take these ones out the back the ED intercepted me & said "you just stay here"( in fear that I would put my foot in it again with out realising), ED said " and I will divvy the tests out.

    Then it was decided I would go on study, to obviously get me out the way and away from the 2 SO crew.
    IT GETS BETTER:dieslaughing: :dieslaughing:

    But before study I thought to my ("not in the know about SO") little self
    That I would make a cup of tea and give myself a little reward and have a random smoke break.

    So I proceeded past the two Sea Org members with a fag hanging out of my mouth, a womans day Mag under me arm, & a cup of tea, and proceeded to the staff smoking area.

    While walking past the 2 SO members, they both looked at me as if I had murdered someone. I felt a little wierd but thought these guys are freaked out. 1 min into my smoke and my magazine one of the Sea Org members appeared and said in an authortive manner::
    "What are you doing"?
    I looked at him and said "having a break- matey".
    I was on the star sign section of my mag and said whats your star sign I'll read it out to ya (in hope to lighten the nutter up)?
    He then went read in the face and was trying to suppress his anger and said "We don't have random breaks here".
    I said "well we do round here"...... He then opened the door and looked at the ED and said "can you handle your staff member :grouch: ?"
    Attemping now to lighten up all mighty, Anal retentive Sea Org member, I thought I would crack a joke & said "oh yeah he wants to handle me allright":omg: , thinking it would get a laugh:dieslaughing: , but to my suprise:omg: it didnt:no: ........

    The ED now went red in the face, and the Sea Org member looked as stiff as a rocket & I thought the poor young fella was gonna shoot straight to the Moon:runaway: : ,
    I then finally realised these uniformed robots :nazi: :nazi: where not to be joked with, spoken back to and seemed to behave like ROBOTS.

    That was my Que to get on study. When I was on study I could hear that Sea Org member screaming :blah: "THIS IS NOT OKAY" in an american accent (which I found out that AUSSIE SO members try and sound American to be tough):angry:

    I now look back at this and realise how funny it was and I then went on study the next day and had to learn all about the Sea Org:dieslaughing: And PR:dieslaughing:

    This was my intoduction to the start of my relationship with the Sea Org:thumbsup:
  3. Carmel

    Carmel Crusader

    Wish that I was a fly on the wall THAT day!

    :roflmao: :hysterical: :roflmao: :hysterical: :roflmao: :hysterical: :roflmao: :hysterical: :roflmao: :hysterical:
  4. Royal Prince Xenu

    Royal Prince Xenu Trust the Psi Corps.

    I hated muster! You're getting such a lousy pay for 9-5, and then you're told you have to turn up at 8:15 to waste 3/4 hour on stuff that could be printed into one paragraph! And those fucking 337R lrh Birthday Game telexes! If I ever have to hear another one, somebody nearby will find themselves eating the print out... Or has that been changed to DM's birthday now?
  5. Power Change

    Power Change Patron Meritorious

    :roflmao: :roflmao: :roflmao: :roflmao: :buzzin: :buzzin: :cheers: :cheers:
    OMG...that poor were like a wild stallion.....this is tremendous,
  6. Pixie

    Pixie Crusader

    This is hilarious!! :hysterical: :hysterical: Well written... thanks!! :clap:
  7. minnie

    minnie Patron with Honors

    I don't know if this was the same piece of music, but I remember someone and else and I almost wetting ourselves trying to suppress our giggles after hearing some instrumental music which started with the sound of a rocket taking off. :dieslaughing:
  8. Pixie

    Pixie Crusader

    Oh so many, but one of the first questions I asked was why there were people sleeping in the purif area and auditing rooms, answer, 'we need security for the org'...:faceslap:
  9. Matex

    Matex Patron

    It was probably "Rons Journal 28 Forming Orgs", I think the last known recording of LRH, and available at Wikileaks:

    If you listen to the first "rocket", it is actually just an incoming airplane. You can even hear the tires touch down on the runway! :eyeroll: The "outtro" sounds like a military jet taking off, a Harrier or something.

    I think a quality Chinese gong might have been more appropriate than faux rocket engines. Or one long belch ala "Booger" from Revenge of the Nerds.
  10. Carmel

    Carmel Crusader

    Hello Matex!

    Hey there,

    Good to see you've joined us! :thumbsup: Be sure to go to "New Member Introductions", and introduce yourself to the board!

  11. I told you I was trouble

    I told you I was trouble Suspended animation


    :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:
  12. SchwimmelPuckel

    SchwimmelPuckel Genuine Meatball

    Mewhahahahahahahahahaaaaaahhaa... Harh! hahaha!.. wheeze!.. Hiiiii.. hidr! snort, hic... Goddammit! :roflmao: :lol: :roflmao:

    I got to think of this:
    (This happened in december 1983. I'd like to find some more about this.. Has been looking a lot.. Anyone knows about a proper debrief on it? - As I recall, Lawley & Bellmaine got worked over in court by the cult for it?)

  13. Axiom142

    Axiom142 Gold Meritorious Patron

    I thought of something really lame today.

    About 3 years ago, I was in the IAS office at St Hill, which was pretty stupid in itself, but what can I say?

    Anyway, Ginger Smith had called in the heavy artillery of IAS Freedom Medal winner, Andrik Schapers to assist in getting some money out of me. This in itself is a bit of a nasty trick, but quite a common tactic. There you are, just a 'part-time Scientologist' and you are suddenly face-to-face with someone who has performed miracles for the people of this planet, devoted every waking hours to setting people free and is asking nothing in return. Nothing that is except that you ‘help’ them now (i.e. give ‘em your money).

    So Andrik is working me over and he pipes up with “When I went clear, my whole track opened right up. I was a freedom fighter in a past life, standing up for freedom and justice, and I remember you standing there by my side. Will you stand with me again.” (or words to that effect). :eyeroll:

    But the lamest part was that I actually believed him and handed over about 1 thousand pounds. :duh: :duh: :duh:

    About a day later, I thought about what he said and thought “What a load of shit! How did I fall for that?”

    I wonder how many others have heard similar stories?


    PS Andrik said that he was a nightclub singer before Scientology and gave me a couple of his albums. I’ll have to upload some clips sometime. They are so funny. Truly awful does not even begin to describe them. :ohmy:
  14. cinamingrl

    cinamingrl Patron Meritorious

    clean the bathroom

    Clean the bathroom. That's the lamest thing I ever heard in an org, clean the bathroom.
  15. minnie

    minnie Patron with Honors

    I had a listen to the end part, skipping over the lecture, thanks. Yeah, that does sound like a plane. I'm confused why there's no instrumental music. Perhaps it was also on another tape followed by music. The two of us were laughing at the music as well. :unsure:
  16. Royal Prince Xenu

    Royal Prince Xenu Trust the Psi Corps.

    "Clear Sound"

    I remember the first time we heard a tape at muster that was supposedly LRH recorded in "clearsound".

    He claimed that any hash we heard was not tape "hiss" but the rolling oceans behind him!

    Knowing now that he lived out his seclusion in the back of nowhere--where was the f'g ocean?
  17. Matex

    Matex Patron

    The "wind" appears right on cue at the start of the tape. It sounds like a Hollywood effect - real wind on a microphone doesn't sound pretty. It certainly doesn't time itself for dramatic effect!
  18. Lermanet_com

    Lermanet_com Gold Meritorious Patron

    Natalie Fisher at DC Org in late 1960's

    "Ron is everywhere"
  19. sandygirl

    sandygirl Silver Meritorious Patron

    Quote from Axiom 142:

    Wow oh wow........I was told that I was in the Revolutionary War against England.

    Why did you have to remind me of that?

    Anyways, this crap was dropped on me to get me to sign a staff contract so I could continue my eternal fight for freedom............:duh: :duh: :duh: :duh:
  20. minnie

    minnie Patron with Honors

    A senior exec in the 90s: "He's still around. He's here!".