Before leaving Flag, I had to fill out my “life history” - this was needed to see if I “qualified” for the Freewinds . I had heard about these but never done one before – it is a huge questionnaire with hundreds of questions about all aspects of your life. It includes your drug history – every drug you have ever taken , including all medical and dental drugs from your childhood through to present time.
It also asked loads of questions about any family connections to psychs, media etc and all ethics handlings you have ever had. You also had to list all of your Scio training
Then you had to list all of your “participation” ( how you helped to expand Scientology ). They wanted specifics - what you did when, where and what were the results.
This was then looked over by the MAA to see if there were any “outpoints”- fortunately mine looked fine. I had heard of some folk needing to go home and do additional participation before being allowed onto VIII.
It seemed odd that someone who had devoted so much time, energy and money to getting this far up the Bridge would NEED to be checked out like this, especially after all of those expensive sec checks which had very similar questions !
And remember this was just the first step to be eligible to “go” to the ship – then there would be the
2 to 4 intensive sec check and resultant ethics handlings when you got there ! It was all kind of intimidating and definitely did not set the scene for a very pleasant experience . The regs kept assuring me that folk were having blow out wins on these OTVIII elig checks and that the success stories they wrote were incredible , praising the sec check as much as OTVIII itself ! I DID NOT BUY IT - and I told them so on many times
!
Gone were my naive ideas of “cruising around on a luxury liner” on some sort of a pleasurable holiday . I knew OTVIII would be in its own way, just as demanding as OTVII . In fact one of my friends who had recently completed OTVIII , took great pleasure in telling me that “the ethics level on the ship was a whole new level above Flag”.
I guess I was beginning to wonder about the true result of OT VIII – the first “real” OT level and why was there all this focus on ethics.
Anyway – I agreed that I would come back for OTVIII once the baby was a few months old. To be honest, in my heart, I knew that I was not likely to want to travel around the world with my new born baby to let some stranger look after him for 4 weeks whilst I spent day and night getting through OTVIII . We had waited 10 years to have another kid after our difficult situation with our daughter – I knew I would want to be at home enjoying every moment with our extended families .
Well – Jack was born in February and to our relief, he was happy and healthy. We were ecstatic !!! Traveling back to Flag was the last thing I was thinking of. I was beginning to think that it might be best for hubby to go to Flag next and try to finish VII – then he could go on to OTVIII. Perhaps that would inspire me – he could come home and tell me how great it all was. (As I mentioned in my prevoius thread) I had started to have these strange dreams about OTVIII – where I opened the pack and in LRH's handwriting it said “ Ha, ha, ha ... it's all been a big joke ! ” . Whilst I “knew” that this was not the case – I was having a hell of a lot of trouble getting excited about it.
By March, I had to go to my daughter's next therapy training course. This meant being away from home for 10 days . I took both Courtney and Jack to Sydney whilst hubby stayed at the farm . My entire family and two girlfriends, both with disabled kids, all came and stayed with us, helping me with my daughter and the new baby. It was a totally enjoyable – but after 10 days I was pretty tired – breast feeding and looking after a new baby, learning new therapy exercises, then there was the 9 hours drive home !
I arrived home totally exhausted at 11pm. - we got the kids to bed and dumped the luggage. Then hubby started to tell me about this group called Anonymous that had been attacking the Church. I thought to myself – “WTF ??? doesn't he know I am exhausted ?” What is he telling me about this for now !!! I acked him and he continued – Christ he was on a roll !!!. I told him we had had attacks before and the Church had always handled them, so not to worry. Very seriously he said “ NO, this is different , there is stuff I need to tell you – some of the things they are saying are true”. Some how I managed in my exhausted state to ack him well enough to stop the conversation that night .
The next day he began where he had left off – downloading a lot of information he had read on the internet. Initially, he had been asked by someone at CCHR ANZO to go on the net and respond to a comment Mark Hanna ( spokesperson for Scientology ) had made about Scientology . Hubby did that in a pro scio manner and was surprised at some of the responses he got. This started him pulling the string – to see what the hell was behind this.
We had been in Scientology for 20 + years and knew that there was “some untrue and bad things” on the net about Scientology – so being good little boys and girls we had never looked and had very easily brushed off any family or friends comments about it, in the past .
However, what hubby discovered was, there was an overwhelming, monumental amount of information about Scientology on the internet !!! This included the actual, supposedly highly confidential OT levels, which we had guarded with briefcases, locks, alarms and security services for years ! It was a huge shock !!!
What was more incredible was that there were hundreds of personal stories from people who were ex-scios, many of whom had been on staff and in the SO , a lot of them were highly trained . Even more incredible, some were ex- Int members – the upper echelon of Scientologists – they were all revealing their experiences with Scientology.
Many of the stories were just terrible, exposing some gross human rights abuses or incredible harm the Church had perpetuated. What was worse was that these stories were ringing true – how had we not noticed these things before ? But ... we had noticed some of them . Then why had we brushed them aside ? Well sometimes we hadn't , we had tried to get some of it handled, had written it up etc, but then we had run into a brick wall. Then why hadn't we fought harder and done more to correct these things ? Why ????
Hubby, not one to do anything half arsed – started to read... and read ...and read. Within a few days he had read all the major critics books. He would stop every few hours and download to me – I would drive him half mad playing the devils advocate – “ how do we know that is not just made up ?”. Having an almost photographic memory, he was able to cross reference stories and data, jotting down new names to “google” in his quest to research the subject and get to the truth.
Within a very short space of time, we were able to conclude and have verified, that there were many things seriously wrong with the Church. And as we sat on the sofa discussing this, we both felt an enormous sense of relief , as we realised we were discovering and confronting the truth and we were getting ourselves out of the trap we had woven around ourselves for so many years. It was amazing – although we did not have the full picture we already knew that we would never look at or act in the same way towards Scientology again. We both felt free – free to reach out and find out, free to decide and choose – and we knew we would not be choosing the path that the Church had “carefully tapped out” for us – it was a very good feeling - it was in fact a huge “release”.
And shortly thereafter,... the penny dropped – the reason for continual ethics handlings on the OTVII and VIII's
As you know “ Ethics” is used “to handle counter intention and other intention”. Once these are “removed”, ethics is stopped ... So if ethics was being used to handle these things, what were the counter and other intentions ?
I had a huge cog ... it was ANY OTHER INTENTION that anyone had, that was other than the SO's COMMAND INTENTION !!!
You see ... as far as the dedicated SO were concerned, I was not one of the most ethical beings on the planet – I was not in the SO ( nor was I on staff ) - further, I was not devoting every single waking hour to the expansion of Scientology like they were !!! What they wanted removed were any other ideas and activities that were cutting across this path – they wanted to get rid of the things that I was interested in, that did not align to Command Intention - the purpose was to make me one of them !!! That was what it was all about !!!
When you read the rave success stories of OTVIII's you'll see that this is exactly right – they all rave about how they are now going off to boom their area in some major way – devoting their life to the cause even MORE than before !!!
I just thought OMG !!! I really don't want THAT !!! And at that point I knew I was finished with my journey up the Bridge and would have no regrets about that.
You get to the top of the Bridge to became exactly what the SO wants – a diligent, unquestioning, industrious Scientologist , whose main aim in life is to forward Scientology in every means possible. Ummm – this is not my idea of Total Freedom or Spiritual Enlightenment.
Helluvahoax hit the nail on the head - you get to the top of the Bridge to become a Scientology slave !!!
I wonder how many OTVII's and VIII's have also had this cognition – I know quite a few who have. It makes me wonder if the Freewinds will ever be able to release OTIX and X - how many are left who want it ???
