I saw a never-ending stream of outpoints right from the first day I walked into a Church.
Bugged-eyed staff applying weird versions of TR0.
Robotic use of study tech by supervisors in courserooms.
The OTVII who couldn't confront talking in front of people.
Sea Org missions coming into orgs and doing really STUPID actions.
Seeing senior staff yelling and screaming at junior staff.
But, for me, I truly took the view that I would treat it all as an experiment. Based on past earlier experiences, I had noticed that people are a random bunch no matter where they are. I saw crazy behavior EVERYWHERE so I had no real need to have it not also exist in the Church of Scientology.
Despite what I saw in others, I took what I could get out of it all, interpreted as I chose in alignment with other related data, and learned early to PR THEM. I learned very quickly to tell them what they wanted to hear, so that I wouldn't be screwed with. For whatever reason I could comfortably exist with disagreements of my own, and contradictions within LRH data and with Church behavior, BUT I simply saw it as people doing what people do. For me, I was going to get out of it what I WANTED to get out of it, DESPITE all of them. I know a few people still active in the Church who truly see the organization as insane, BUT who want what they believe the Church possesses (Road to Freedom) so badly, that they, in their own way, also intend to get out of it what they can, DESPITE the Church organization and flaws in Hubbard and his writings.
I did, for the most part. But, I was constantly evaluating and picking and choosing all the while, never really falling into a mentality of "it is all true". I never had affinity for the "mission" aspect of it all, and I saw much of the Church's actions as quite extreme. Interestingly, or strangely, even when in the Sea Org for a few years, I NEVER considered or called myself a "Scientologist". To me, looking around, too much of the behavior was NOT at all what I found acceptable or admirable in others. I could never comfortably wear the label of a "Scientologist". Too corny. Too contrived. Too enforced.
I am glad that I went through it all. I very much enjoyed all the auditing I ever received (many hundreds of hours from Life Repair up through OT3). I spent many many hours reading, studying and contemplating LRH data on the heavier spiritual realm, all the while aligning and comparing it with various "other practices" I was familiar with.
But, the BEST benefit by far was getting to experience up close and personal just how severely brain-washed people can get. I value what I learned from observing lunacy in daily action, with seemingly "normal" and "intelligent" people being reduced to robots through their agreement with Hubbard's belief system. I have a MUCH better understanding of people, what motivates them, and what strange things they can do when under the influence of manipulative ideas and especially a manipulative organization.
More red flags?
Watching a reg convince a public to take a second mortgage on a house, that both the reg and the public KNEW full well that he couldn't afford.
Watching the Captain of the FSO false report stats, and have him scream at me for bringing it to his attention.
Watching staff commit unbelievable unusual solutions to "get the stats up" for Ron's Birthday. What a funny thing to watch!
Reading Paulette Cooper's book, while active, and discovering how "my Church" lied and set her up in a contrived crime that she DID NOT commit! Bad Church!
I realized that it was ME involving myself so fully in it all that gave me my good results. I remember sitting in the PDC courseroom, where I would get continually reprimanded by the Supervisor for spending so MUCH TIME doing self-originated drills and demos. I would look around and notice other people on the same course flying through the pages, and almost NEVER smiling. For me, I was laughing, grinning, and joyously extracting every nugget I could from the materials. Granted, I may have read into it more than was there, BUT it did act as a tool or vehicle for me to look at things in certain new and different ways (which I agree with and still do today).
Believe it or not, but I went exterior more than a few times studying in that courseroom. I actually got blown out so much a few times, that I went to the examiner, had a dial wide F/N or floating T/A, and took the day off to just "BE". But then, I was always DOING things with my mind, with each sentence after sentence as I studied. I was making up drills, and even auditing actions as I read the stuff, and did them right there in the courseroom. I remember taking ideas, and then looking at how it applied on each dynamic, past, present and future for self and others. I was doing WAY MORE than just checksheet actions. The Church never liked my tendency to apply data outside the boundaries of the "Standard Bridge". Like I said, I liked to "experiment"! I did a great deal of that, and maybe that is partially why I so much enjoyed my particpation with the earlier LRH data and auditing.
For example, with auditing, I early on made a decision to locate the EARLIEST, and most HEAVILY CHARGED incident possible when running dianetics. I did that for MONTHS. But, really, how many preclears take such a view? Most are an EFFECT of the auditing.
But, the organization was always a major bundle of flaws to me. Right from the start. And, Hubbard's personality and tendency to make shit up always struck me as "interesting", of course, knowing that I could never talk about that in the nutty Scientology-controlled environment. I knew what I observed as true, and I had no burning need for others to understand what was obvious to me regarding the many various outpoints. It got to a point though where putting up with the insanity of the standard Scientology life was NO LONGER acceptable, no matter what I could get from various aspects of the tech. Plus, once getting to OT3, the rest of it from there to OT7 never attracted me much. I liked the meat and potatoes of the early 1950s lectures, and the early books (Creation of Human Ability, Phoenix Lectures). Most of the rest was "added, inapplicable and unnecessary" as far as I was concerned. And, once learning what OSA did on a routine basis made it impossible for me to support such a bunch of manipulative tyrants.
There are always an abundance of Red Flags in dealing with Scientology as a participant. What I find more interesting is WHY each person refused to see what was often so clear, and WHY each person denied/suppressed these observations. Peer pressure? Desiring the carrot on the stick (spiritual freedom)? Basic dullness and stupidity? Laziness? Unwillingness to upset others? Ego gratification (I am part of the RIGHT team; I am part of the WINNING team)? Organizational force, pressure and control?
