Top 100 Stupid Moments in Scientology - PART ONE

[guanoloco]

Ron? Ron, wake up. It's time for your vistaril shot. Oh my, time to
change your diaper, someone's made a stinky. What were you chuckling
about while you were sleeping? Another drug induced marcab hallucination
again? We need to change your meds soon. I swear, you came up with some
funny crap to fleece those people.........

Bust me UP!!

That is FUNNY!!

 

[guanoloco]

Here's what Admiral Ackbar has to say about the subject:

Personally, I think he was trying to say this:

Just sayin'....

 

[Zinjifar]

Yes, *thank you*! What the "Great Communicator" actually meant, of course, was A=B=C=D. HUGE gaffe, right in Book 1.

...and if every word in an engram is engramic, then why don't people freak out every time they hear the word "and" or "the"?

OTIX will clarify your misunderstood; it's about the A-Whole-Track and your position in the Movement.

Zinj

 

[NCSP]

OTIX will clarify your misunderstood; it's about the A-Whole-Track and your position in the Movement.

Zinj

In that case, what's the EP of OT Number Two?

 

[Zinjifar]

In that case, what's the EP of OT Number Two?

Bypassed charge until somebody finds some TP-12-pack

Zinj

 

[Infinite]

Ahhhh!! Its all falling into place. David Miscavige is a doll . . .

. . . <snip> . . . Well, let me tell you a little story. This isn't just a story. One of the Fifth Invader Force, an officer, came down here to take a survey, and this is very adventurous. And in order to take a decent survey of the place - of course, you understand the Fifth Invader Force officer carries a doll. They don't carry bodies, they carry dolls. Their identification is a doll. It's a very little, flimsy, mechanical affair that you can make talk and walk and so forth. They're cute, they're about a meter tall, they're very light. Therefore, you don't need, you see - you don't use oxygen in saucers. And all of this stuff in science fiction is just rococo. Boy, it's rococo beyond rococo. It's just simple beyond simplicity. You have this little doll, and the thetan energy that a fellow puts out is quite sufficient to monitor the control switchboard in the back of the doll, that's all. I mean, simple. And he tunes it up, he's got his wavelength tuned to it and so on and it's - he can walk it around and ...

He has, at the same time - in installations, he has what you would classify as human beings. I mean, there are people in bodies who are doing work in various installations out through the system. Bodies exist.

But I'm talking about officers, they're a pretty high order of thetan. So, here's a doll. He's monitoring this doll.

And he parked his doll and picked up one of the persons connected with the ruling house of Hapsburg and went on a survey of the domain, and took notes on it. And unfortunately, he didn't have any foggy notion of how violently this particular prince was hated. And this prince was assassinated. And before this officer could disconnect and so forth, the thetan charge which suddenly sprung up in the assassinated prince, KABOOM!, was sufficient to overwhelm and overpower this officer momentarily, and he went through the screen.

I'm telling you this because it's an average story, not a spectacular story, not because it's different, but because it's the same . . . <snip> . . .

(Tape 5210C30A SOP8A - Role Of Earth)

Would someone please let Invader Force HQ know that one of their dolls has escaped and is a little outta control. Kthnxbai.

 

[guanoloco]

Hey, does anybody know if the Fedora hats are still in style over at the old Marcab Confederacy?

 

[Sindy]

Hey, does anybody know if the Fedora hats are still in style over at the old Marcab Confederacy?

 

[R6Basic]

This thread is great!
I like that people are pulling things out of tapes. I forgot how annoying it was to listen to Hubbard.

How about the Study Tapes when he goes off on PIPE ORGANS!!!! yes PIPE ORGANS!!! Because if your gonna learn about how to study you need to know about PIPE ORGANS!!

This isn't were every piece of data looks just as important as every other piece of data. NO! In Scn. you only get the information you really need.

I went crazy, along with a fellow student,
trying to get mass a PIPE ORGANS! To the point that the course sup said she would buy a picture book on pipe organs so we could get out of that section.

I learned a bit about photography as well as I recall.

Yep, just the most important data in those tapes.

 

[HelluvaHoax!]

From the last known taped recording of L. Ron Hubbard, here is something really stupid....

LRH advice tape of 1 April 1984 "OT Review: Earth time and Forgettfulness":
"....but isn't that fascinating that we have not less than 17 methods of clearing a human being and moving him up the line to full Operating Thetan. Now, what we have done here in Earth time appears to be quite miraculous, don't you see, just a few years--well, earth years--which by the way is the most marvelous thing you can imagine because did you know that time has nothing to do with the movement of the planet around the sun? Oh nobody bothered to explain that to you? Well, along about 213 trillion years ago, a fella was staring at the sun--nobody knows why people--suntanning or whatever people do on these planets. Now, get this datum understood because time is what ails thee and the sun has got nothing whatsoever to do with it! A year is not the earth circumnavigating a sun. Check your wristwatches right now, because the round shape of your watch is a dramatization of the round shape of the implant wheel that made you forget time--it has nothing to do with the shape of the earth or the shape of the sun. That wristwatch you are wearing is why you sometimes get achy wrists when you are doing a lot of typing or gardening or whatever homo sap does with their hands. It kicks in the time implant and the next thing you know old Bill Smithers is suffering from old age forgetfullness and complaining to some medico about arthritis. All he'd have to do is take off that restimulator off his wrist and put it in a drawer and that would be the end of his arthritis."

How foolish is that?

ANSWER: Stupid enough for Scientologists to believe it even though it's all just made up Hubbard-degook. Check the date of that "LRH Advice Tape" and truly sorry for hoaxing y'all! Don't feel April foolish because the point is this....

If Ron had actually said that, Scientologists worldwide would have been madly using their demo kits on the cause of arthritis, laughing and cogniting that the face of their wristwatch is OBVIOUSLY a dramatization of the shape of the sun from an implant they picked up down the track 213 trillion years ago--which they are no longer effect of now that Ron gave them the "tech" of it.

 

[Free Being Me]

Hey, does anybody know if the Fedora hats are still in style over at the old Marcab Confederacy?

Devised by the Marcab Invasion Force and implemented between "hundreds of years ago to hundreds of thousands of years ago", the Train Goals were a series of implants given in a huge train station. The thetan was put into "a railway carriage quite like a British railway coach with compartments" and subjected to a barrage of "white energy". During the implant sequence:

a face may come up and say "You still here? Get out. Get off this train. We hate you." And from the speakers "This happened to you yesterday, tomorrow, now. This is your departure point, keep coming back. You'll be meeting all your friends here. When you're killed and dead keep coming back. You haven't a chance to get away. You've got to report in. This happened to you days ago, weeks ago, years ago. You don't know when this happened to you. We hate you. Get out. Don't ever come back."
("Routine 3N - The Train GPMs - The Marcab Between Lives Implants", HCOB 24 August 1963)
http://scientology.wikia.com/wiki/Space_opera#Marcab_Confederacy

ALL ABOARD!!! The Fedora Fashion Confederacy Bullet Train is boarding at this time! Please remember a steward will be along presently to give you your favorite implant. Sorry, no refunds. Remember, we love to hate you. Praise Xenu.

 

[Ogsonofgroo]

L Con thinking to himself:

Oh, Holy Xenu, what the hell am I doing? This is my 5th meatbody
and I still haven't won this damn race. Between the atom bombs
and confusing racetrack layout I'm at my wits end.

BOOM!!!

There goes DM, I'll probably see him again in my next life...sigh.
Weird little fella, he looks so funny sitting on top of all those
phone books inside his car.

What I should do is start a religion. No atom bombs and the hours
would be better. I could buy a boat and name it the Apollo while
the money pours in. Hmmmm....yeah, I could do it, write some
cheesy book to kick the whole thing off. Claim everyone not agree-
ing with me is insane and watch my drones make me millions.

Yeah, this has potential! Ron ole boy, you've out done yourself. Oh
shit, what's that in the road......

Ron? Ron, wake up. It's time for your vistaril shot. Oh my, time to
change your diaper, someone's made a stinky. What were you chuckling
about while you were sleeping? Another drug induced marcab hallucination
again? We need to change your meds soon. I swear, you came up with some
funny crap to fleece those people.........

I should have known better than read this threads with a mouth full of smashed taters!!! iyiyiy-lololololol

"One thing about the Van Allen Belt is its HOT!" Well Lrh, that certainly explains why you wandered into the path of the Vesuvian train, you had
'BELT STROKE!'



Kk, am better nao.....

 

[Sindy]

From the last known taped recording of L. Ron Hubbard, here is something really stupid....



How foolish is that?

ANSWER: Stupid enough for Scientologists to believe it even though it's all just made up Hubbard-degook. Check the date of that "LRH Advice Tape" and truly sorry for hoaxing y'all! Don't feel April foolish because the point is this....

If Ron had actually said that, Scientologists worldwide would have been madly using their demo kits on the cause of arthritis, laughing and cogniting that the face of their wristwatch is OBVIOUSLY a dramatization of the shape of the sun from an implant they picked up down the track 213 trillion years ago--which they are no longer effect of now that Ron gave them the "tech" of it.

Wow!!!

 

[HelluvaHoax!]

OTIX will clarify your misunderstood; it's about the A-Whole-Track and your position in the Movement.

Zinj

I once had a conversation with Ron when I was on the ship. He was on the poop deck and demonstrated the tech of how to achieve a release.

 

[Infinite]

"One thing about the Van Allen Belt is its HOT!" Well Lrh, that certainly explains why you wandered into the path of the Vesuvian train, you had
'BELT STROKE!'

This Van Allen Belt trip of Hubbard's has always amused/annoyed me. L Ron Hubbard states he was up there to watch the sunrise - thing is, from that height, the sun sits stationary in a black sky while the Earth revolves beneath. The story shows a smirking contempt for the audience in the assumption that he could get away with such a lotta bollocks. Well, either that, or it shows a surety of knowledge in the fact that auditing cripples cognitive functioning.

 

[guanoloco]

k."

ALL ABOARD!!! The Fedora Fashion Confederacy Bullet Train is boarding at this time! Please remember a steward will be along presently to give you your favorite implant. Sorry, no refunds. Remember, we love to hate you. Praise Xenu.

This is hilarious!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[Infinite]

More stupidity - the endless array of contradictions which scatter L Ron Hubbard's work. Here's just one:

. . . <snip> . . . Earth would be much better off lying in chunks in an orbit around the sun. But naturally, that's a pretty rough assignment, blowing up something this size and putting it around, so nobody would do that . . . <snip> . . . (Tape 5210C30A SOP8A - The Role Of Earth)

compare and contrast:

. . . <snip> . . . Or the MEST universe says somebody who has (pause) came in there and here was a bridge sort of built over of agreement. And the next thing you know, the fellow'd agreed that something was terribly desirable or in some cases there was just a sudden big boom. And their universe caved in, which is a very startling thing to have happen. Somebody could pick up its wave length, its chain of agreements, find out what its laws were and blow it up. There's nothing to that . . . <snip> . . . (Tape 521204-15-The logics-Infinity-valued logic)

So, its a "rough assignment" to blow up Earth but "there's nothing to" destroying a Universe.

 

[HelluvaHoax!]

A SPECIAL HONORARY MENTION
For

THE SINGLE LONGEST SUSTAINED STUPID MOMENT
Is hereby Awarded To

ALL SCIENTOLOGISTS


1950 - 1986

A period during which Scientologists failed to ask of Ron Hubbard

"Hey Ron, show us your OT abilities! Prove it! Do something!" ​

 

[NCSP]

A SPECIAL HONORARY MENTION
For

THE SINGLE LONGEST SUSTAINED STUPID MOMENT
Is hereby Awarded To

ALL SCIENTOLOGISTS


1950 - 1986

A period during which Scientologists failed to ask of Ron Hubbard

"Hey Ron, show us your OT abilities! Prove it! Do something!" ​

<ahem>

-He accomplished a doctorate despite having flunked out of college.
-He used more words to say less than anyone in history.
-He supposedly lived a lavish lifestyle from his fiction, despite not having published since 1950, and not having written well since....ever.
-He achieved the feat of having only two wives while having been married thrice.
-He achieved a level of tooth decay heretofore unknown in the industrialized world.
-He exposed a massive mental health conspiracy, despite the fact that one did not exist.

...and finally.....

-He never spent an hour in jail in his life.

How the hell else do you explain it??

 

[Stat]

<ahem>

-He accomplished a doctorate despite having flunked out of college.
-He used more words to say less than anyone in history.
-He supposedly lived a lavish lifestyle from his fiction, despite not having published since 1950, and not having written well since....ever.
-He achieved the feat of having only two wives while having been married thrice.
-He achieved a level of tooth decay heretofore unknown in the industrialized world.
-He exposed a massive mental health conspiracy, despite the fact that one did not exist.

...and finally.....

-He never spent an hour in jail in his life.

How the hell else do you explain it??

The line in bold really got me thinking...