HelluvaHoax!
Platinum Meritorious Sponsor with bells on
Personally I love having DM in charge of Scientology. I hope he never leaves. It just cannot get any better than having a brutal, insane, lying, bumbling, self-destructive strategist at the helm. It's a simple equation...
LONGER DM STAYS:FASTER CoS GOES.
But wait, there are some master chess moves he could make. That bothers me. That's why I am willing to lay out the perfect EXIT STRATEGY for him that is a no-lose proposition. By publishing it in advance, I think he doesn't dare try it for fear that the whistle has already been blown on the scam.
So, I won't charge him anything for this brilliant strategy; it is humbly tendered as a gift to DM....That's right, a priceless get out of jail free card! ("the card was free, keep it so")
HOW DM GIVES HIMSELF A COMPLETE AMNESTY BEFORE THE LYNCH CROWDS SHOW UP AT HIS FRONT DOOR.
1. Call a mandatory worldwide event and tell some whopper lies to get everyone to show up. Say something about LRH in the message obliquely implying that there is "word from the old man" and peddle it on all channels including rampant rumor lines and leaks. But to be sure, use ethics threats to round up any unconfirmed slackers. Herd 'em all together for an international simulcast.
2. With suitable gravitas (as practiced when the Old Man causitively shed his encumbrance a quarter century ago) frame the story as if it is the long awaited sequel to that famous event where DM announced he was taking over as NuRon the II.
3. Tell some personal stories of how close he (DM) was with the Old Man and then begin dropping small bomblets about LRH confiding in him certain information and parts of his Ron hat. Get the audience to drool when the bells are rung, then proceed to....
4. Give the ulta-cosmic confidential briefing that was not possible for the last 25 years. But the time has come. Look at the camera with that same hitman-serious glare you had with Tom when you posed on motorcycles and ask defiantly: "Do you want to know what L Ron Hubbard told me to tell you?" The audience will be frothing at the mouth with this last ringing bell.
5. SELL IT DM, BABY, SELL IT! Ron said he needed more time than he thought he would need to lay out the Bridge to Total Freedom for US...because the psychs and priests did a real number on all of the people of Earth and he underestimated the amount of case that needed to be addressed so his Scientology friends could join him playing out in the universe as a full OT. (be sure cameras pan the rapturous reactions, get some Extreme closeups of women crying and Tom dabbing a handkerchief in baby Suri's teary eyes)
6. Ron assigned DM a condition of NON EXISTENCE and gave him ultra confidential LRH briefings that had to be done verbally because we, as Scientologists, could not afford to ever let the Earth Rescue Plan fall into enemy hands. Ron personally apologized for creating this "hidden data line" but he felt you would all understand that it was the greatest good. Ron said to ask them "DO YOU FORGIVE ME FOR VIOLATING THE HIDDEN DATA POLICY THIS ONE TIME?" Be sure everyone answers "YES!" or get filmed footage of lip-synchers to ethics immediately at the end of the event.
7. Now DM, step up your game to "shock & awe". Tell 'em that Ron assigned the entire planet earth Non-Existence before he left and told DM he knew he could the trust him to take the helm. And DM gave the Old Man his sacred word that he would get it done.
8. Then DM, do what you do best. Blitz the crowd with a dazzling media display showing your huge accomplishments of the past two-plus decades. Be sure to punch up the IRS victory ("the War is Over" archived footage in sepia would be a good touch). Golden Age of Tech, The Basics and put a dagger in the heart of fence sitters with the suppression shattering expansion of the Ideal Orgs planetwide!
9. This is where DM acts humble and talks about the huge "boots in the sky" that he has had to wear that the commodore and the commodore alone can really claim. Confess that, just like LRH said, it took "a lot longer than expected" for him (DM) to get things out of Non Existence. As a matter of fact it took a quarter century and the big big big big big big news is that the the condition has been completed!!! "Mission Accomplished Sir, we are upgrading to Danger!!!" (audience standing ovation)
10. Keep the rolling thunder going and blow 'em away by saying that the Danger Condition has also been handled!!! "Mission Accomplished Sir, we are upgrading to Emergency!!!" (audience jumping ovation)
11. Now tell them that Ron said that when the place was out of Danger that he wanted DM to help him wear a part of the LRH hat that nobody had ever even tried to wear before. DM will tease and tantalize on this but not say directly what it is other than it "has to do with the final step that makes planetary clearing a reality within 10 years!" (or something equally awesome that will make people line charge and cry and the same time.)
12. Now comes the nuclear bomb. DM announces that after a quarter century he is doing power change, as per Ron's directions, and management will be run by....(curtain opens, out marches newly uniformed, saber-wielding "THE FIRST EVER, FULLY TRAINED, OEC/FEBC, 100% ON SOURCE L. RON HUBBARD TRUST MANAGEMENT TEAM" (crowd sobbing now)
13. Tom Cruise gets up and says he is a member of the Board of Directors as do other celebs, who each vow a lifelong commitment to ensuring that Ron's policies are followed absolutely, 100% of the time.
14. DM salutes the new team that is taking over management, salutes LRH, salutes loyal scientologists around the world. He convinces everyone he is truly a humble servant of the Lord. He bows gracefully and repeatedly thru a half hour worldwide standing ovation and countless "Hip Hip Hoorays!"
15. DM gives his solemn oath that he will never disconnect, but will be "right here" working with YOU and RON to ensure that we all make it to total freedom!. (at this point registrars all turn on their pocket calculators and click their ballpoint pens into the writing position.
16. DM departs, the new TRUST MANAGEMENT TEAM introduces themselves and their posts. They break the news of a complete and total "eternal amnesty". Also, the cancellation of all SP Declares & wrong disconnections. Also, per-original LRH policy, an unbelievable price reduction in all auditing/training to 60% off!! (crowds now beg to be allowed to see the registrars and the new L.RON HUBBARD TRUST DIRECTOR announces that "Scientology is back and it's fun again!"
DM goes off the lines but that only means he doesn't appear at events. (DM still runs it, but thru some "buffers" just like Michael Corleone ran the family business in the Godfather)
If the new HUBBARD TRUST MANAGEMENT TEAM pulls off an expansion, all the credit goes to DM for the 25 years of hard work to bring it up to Emergency so it was possible.
If the new HUBBARD TRUST MANAGEMENT TEAM crashes and burns (e.g. the Ideal Org Ponzi Scheme blows up) then DM blames the new team and he is off the hook. Similarly, if they fail to handle pr flaps or lawsuits (per LRH policy) and any old business comes back to haunt the Church, DM blames them for not applying the tech on legal. If more major PR flaps occur, DM blames them for not applying standard PR policy. You get the idea.
No matter what happens, DM gets the praise and the new team takes the blame.
Any legal action doesn't focus on DM so he is free from the sufferings and hostilities he inflicted on others in the past.
And DM reserves the right to COME BACK on mission to save the CoS if they slip down into danger. He gets all the praise. If things take a long long long time to fix, it's because of what the HUBBARD TRUST did wrong.
DM's legacy is ensured, guaranteed!
That's his exit strategy. (but actually he still pulls all the strings just like Hubbard did when he claimed he was no longer management, so it's business as usual for the Church of Scientology)
I sure hope he doesn't take this way out. Let's watch him try to surf the unstoppable TSUNAMI of public scorn, litigation and a half century of burned customers. Good luck, Dave.
LONGER DM STAYS:FASTER CoS GOES.
But wait, there are some master chess moves he could make. That bothers me. That's why I am willing to lay out the perfect EXIT STRATEGY for him that is a no-lose proposition. By publishing it in advance, I think he doesn't dare try it for fear that the whistle has already been blown on the scam.
So, I won't charge him anything for this brilliant strategy; it is humbly tendered as a gift to DM....That's right, a priceless get out of jail free card! ("the card was free, keep it so")
HOW DM GIVES HIMSELF A COMPLETE AMNESTY BEFORE THE LYNCH CROWDS SHOW UP AT HIS FRONT DOOR.
1. Call a mandatory worldwide event and tell some whopper lies to get everyone to show up. Say something about LRH in the message obliquely implying that there is "word from the old man" and peddle it on all channels including rampant rumor lines and leaks. But to be sure, use ethics threats to round up any unconfirmed slackers. Herd 'em all together for an international simulcast.
2. With suitable gravitas (as practiced when the Old Man causitively shed his encumbrance a quarter century ago) frame the story as if it is the long awaited sequel to that famous event where DM announced he was taking over as NuRon the II.
3. Tell some personal stories of how close he (DM) was with the Old Man and then begin dropping small bomblets about LRH confiding in him certain information and parts of his Ron hat. Get the audience to drool when the bells are rung, then proceed to....
4. Give the ulta-cosmic confidential briefing that was not possible for the last 25 years. But the time has come. Look at the camera with that same hitman-serious glare you had with Tom when you posed on motorcycles and ask defiantly: "Do you want to know what L Ron Hubbard told me to tell you?" The audience will be frothing at the mouth with this last ringing bell.
5. SELL IT DM, BABY, SELL IT! Ron said he needed more time than he thought he would need to lay out the Bridge to Total Freedom for US...because the psychs and priests did a real number on all of the people of Earth and he underestimated the amount of case that needed to be addressed so his Scientology friends could join him playing out in the universe as a full OT. (be sure cameras pan the rapturous reactions, get some Extreme closeups of women crying and Tom dabbing a handkerchief in baby Suri's teary eyes)
6. Ron assigned DM a condition of NON EXISTENCE and gave him ultra confidential LRH briefings that had to be done verbally because we, as Scientologists, could not afford to ever let the Earth Rescue Plan fall into enemy hands. Ron personally apologized for creating this "hidden data line" but he felt you would all understand that it was the greatest good. Ron said to ask them "DO YOU FORGIVE ME FOR VIOLATING THE HIDDEN DATA POLICY THIS ONE TIME?" Be sure everyone answers "YES!" or get filmed footage of lip-synchers to ethics immediately at the end of the event.
7. Now DM, step up your game to "shock & awe". Tell 'em that Ron assigned the entire planet earth Non-Existence before he left and told DM he knew he could the trust him to take the helm. And DM gave the Old Man his sacred word that he would get it done.
8. Then DM, do what you do best. Blitz the crowd with a dazzling media display showing your huge accomplishments of the past two-plus decades. Be sure to punch up the IRS victory ("the War is Over" archived footage in sepia would be a good touch). Golden Age of Tech, The Basics and put a dagger in the heart of fence sitters with the suppression shattering expansion of the Ideal Orgs planetwide!
9. This is where DM acts humble and talks about the huge "boots in the sky" that he has had to wear that the commodore and the commodore alone can really claim. Confess that, just like LRH said, it took "a lot longer than expected" for him (DM) to get things out of Non Existence. As a matter of fact it took a quarter century and the big big big big big big news is that the the condition has been completed!!! "Mission Accomplished Sir, we are upgrading to Danger!!!" (audience standing ovation)
10. Keep the rolling thunder going and blow 'em away by saying that the Danger Condition has also been handled!!! "Mission Accomplished Sir, we are upgrading to Emergency!!!" (audience jumping ovation)
11. Now tell them that Ron said that when the place was out of Danger that he wanted DM to help him wear a part of the LRH hat that nobody had ever even tried to wear before. DM will tease and tantalize on this but not say directly what it is other than it "has to do with the final step that makes planetary clearing a reality within 10 years!" (or something equally awesome that will make people line charge and cry and the same time.)
12. Now comes the nuclear bomb. DM announces that after a quarter century he is doing power change, as per Ron's directions, and management will be run by....(curtain opens, out marches newly uniformed, saber-wielding "THE FIRST EVER, FULLY TRAINED, OEC/FEBC, 100% ON SOURCE L. RON HUBBARD TRUST MANAGEMENT TEAM" (crowd sobbing now)
13. Tom Cruise gets up and says he is a member of the Board of Directors as do other celebs, who each vow a lifelong commitment to ensuring that Ron's policies are followed absolutely, 100% of the time.
14. DM salutes the new team that is taking over management, salutes LRH, salutes loyal scientologists around the world. He convinces everyone he is truly a humble servant of the Lord. He bows gracefully and repeatedly thru a half hour worldwide standing ovation and countless "Hip Hip Hoorays!"
15. DM gives his solemn oath that he will never disconnect, but will be "right here" working with YOU and RON to ensure that we all make it to total freedom!. (at this point registrars all turn on their pocket calculators and click their ballpoint pens into the writing position.
16. DM departs, the new TRUST MANAGEMENT TEAM introduces themselves and their posts. They break the news of a complete and total "eternal amnesty". Also, the cancellation of all SP Declares & wrong disconnections. Also, per-original LRH policy, an unbelievable price reduction in all auditing/training to 60% off!! (crowds now beg to be allowed to see the registrars and the new L.RON HUBBARD TRUST DIRECTOR announces that "Scientology is back and it's fun again!"
DM goes off the lines but that only means he doesn't appear at events. (DM still runs it, but thru some "buffers" just like Michael Corleone ran the family business in the Godfather)
If the new HUBBARD TRUST MANAGEMENT TEAM pulls off an expansion, all the credit goes to DM for the 25 years of hard work to bring it up to Emergency so it was possible.
If the new HUBBARD TRUST MANAGEMENT TEAM crashes and burns (e.g. the Ideal Org Ponzi Scheme blows up) then DM blames the new team and he is off the hook. Similarly, if they fail to handle pr flaps or lawsuits (per LRH policy) and any old business comes back to haunt the Church, DM blames them for not applying the tech on legal. If more major PR flaps occur, DM blames them for not applying standard PR policy. You get the idea.
No matter what happens, DM gets the praise and the new team takes the blame.
Any legal action doesn't focus on DM so he is free from the sufferings and hostilities he inflicted on others in the past.
And DM reserves the right to COME BACK on mission to save the CoS if they slip down into danger. He gets all the praise. If things take a long long long time to fix, it's because of what the HUBBARD TRUST did wrong.
DM's legacy is ensured, guaranteed!
That's his exit strategy. (but actually he still pulls all the strings just like Hubbard did when he claimed he was no longer management, so it's business as usual for the Church of Scientology)
I sure hope he doesn't take this way out. Let's watch him try to surf the unstoppable TSUNAMI of public scorn, litigation and a half century of burned customers. Good luck, Dave.
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