afaceinthecrowd
Gold Meritorious Patron
I'm a tad bit reticent to wade in here.
First of all, thank you WildKat for the guilelessly open, deeply honest and intensely thought provoking OP.
There is sooo much humanity, heart and truth in all the replies that stir me but I am too lazy and tired to directly quote and respond to them with my thoughts or comments.
Three times in my life I have been present and watched someone born, draw first breath and the color of Life alight their face.
Three times in my life I have been present and watched someone pass, draw last breath and the color of Life fade from their face.
I have spent far too much of my life taking for granted the Gift of Life without gratitude for each breath taken or thankful for every measured beat of the heart.
I have watched despondently the end of the impenetrable mask of Alzheimer's and Stroke, the helpless inevitability of Leukemia and the hopeless prognosis of Post Op Respiratory Arrest and Coma.
I've bathed and changed the diapers of an 87 year old WWII Vet and done my best to assuage his frustration and embarrassment.
I've carried my dying 66 year old brother to the bathroom and done my best to make it a funny thing that I, his "punk" kid brother, could finally lift him.
There are countless Saints and Angels that walk amongst Us...The caregivers for a multitude of others that day in/day out with kindness, respect and competence care for others that someday I will most likely be one of.
There is no doubt that I am vain, human and came into this Life helpless and will leave this Life helpless.
All of Us want and deserve Dignity at Death. But, Dignity at Death is, ultimately, not under our individual control.
All of Us have only one thing that is under our individual control...Dignity in Life.
Express your wishes and make your directions for your coming demise known. Cremation or burial; funeral or no funeral; resuscitation or not; feeding tube or not; invasive last hope surgery or not...on and on and on. You can make those decisions now, "cast them in stone" and relieve yourself of unnecessary worry.
Express your Love, Gratitude and Importance to all who's presence has blessed your Life now...Don't wait, don't be guarded, don't be afraid.
I dread having a painful of Death. I was on death's doorstep several times. I have felt severe Prior to and Post Op pain and, to be honest, live with chronic pain and will for the rest of this life.
I dread the prospect of ever again experiencing the all consuming intensity of piercing, searing, withering pain I have been through before.
But, one thing I have learned is this...Pain is like a wave on the beach and it builds and builds as you desperately, fearfully and exhaustively fight to get through what you cannot stop.
But, then the wave crests and you glide, slide and are carried peacefully down the backside of the wave.
Death could be that way...Perhaps not...I don't have a F'n clue.
Death for me and thee will surely come...tomorrow, next year, twenty years...WTFK's.
My Life has been blessed with four wonderful children and fortunately I have a little dough. However, that doesn't predictably make my Life's end any "better" than anyone elses.
My Life will end how it ends when it ends and I can and should plan, think about and prepare for however and whenever it happens but LIVE knowing that either I accept the unknown moments of joy and gifts surely yet to come or live in the fallacious misery of maybe someday dying a miserable ending to a meaningless life.
I'm afraid I've gone too far into my Head and my Heart with this Post. There are many, many options, avenues and pragmatic steps that can be taken at any point in ones life to plan for their--as best it can be--final days and demise. Much very sound and good advice has already been given here.
I'm afraid to say this but, based on my approaching 7 decades, some of Murphy's Laws apply here: "If anything can go wrong, it will; In nature, nothing is ever right. Therefore, if everything is going right ... something is wrong; Being dead right, won't make you any less dead".
The most frustrating thing to me about having brain damage is that the damage is not severe enough that I can't remember what it was like to be able to do, deal with and solve all the the things I can't anymore.
The most frustrating thing for me about being with, trying to help and caring for loved ones that are in their final days is knowing that they feel and live with that same frustration and there isn't a damn thing I can do about it.
Face
First of all, thank you WildKat for the guilelessly open, deeply honest and intensely thought provoking OP.
There is sooo much humanity, heart and truth in all the replies that stir me but I am too lazy and tired to directly quote and respond to them with my thoughts or comments.
Three times in my life I have been present and watched someone born, draw first breath and the color of Life alight their face.
Three times in my life I have been present and watched someone pass, draw last breath and the color of Life fade from their face.
I have spent far too much of my life taking for granted the Gift of Life without gratitude for each breath taken or thankful for every measured beat of the heart.
I have watched despondently the end of the impenetrable mask of Alzheimer's and Stroke, the helpless inevitability of Leukemia and the hopeless prognosis of Post Op Respiratory Arrest and Coma.
I've bathed and changed the diapers of an 87 year old WWII Vet and done my best to assuage his frustration and embarrassment.
I've carried my dying 66 year old brother to the bathroom and done my best to make it a funny thing that I, his "punk" kid brother, could finally lift him.
There are countless Saints and Angels that walk amongst Us...The caregivers for a multitude of others that day in/day out with kindness, respect and competence care for others that someday I will most likely be one of.
There is no doubt that I am vain, human and came into this Life helpless and will leave this Life helpless.
All of Us want and deserve Dignity at Death. But, Dignity at Death is, ultimately, not under our individual control.
All of Us have only one thing that is under our individual control...Dignity in Life.
Express your wishes and make your directions for your coming demise known. Cremation or burial; funeral or no funeral; resuscitation or not; feeding tube or not; invasive last hope surgery or not...on and on and on. You can make those decisions now, "cast them in stone" and relieve yourself of unnecessary worry.
Express your Love, Gratitude and Importance to all who's presence has blessed your Life now...Don't wait, don't be guarded, don't be afraid.
I dread having a painful of Death. I was on death's doorstep several times. I have felt severe Prior to and Post Op pain and, to be honest, live with chronic pain and will for the rest of this life.
I dread the prospect of ever again experiencing the all consuming intensity of piercing, searing, withering pain I have been through before.
But, one thing I have learned is this...Pain is like a wave on the beach and it builds and builds as you desperately, fearfully and exhaustively fight to get through what you cannot stop.
But, then the wave crests and you glide, slide and are carried peacefully down the backside of the wave.
Death could be that way...Perhaps not...I don't have a F'n clue.
Death for me and thee will surely come...tomorrow, next year, twenty years...WTFK's.
My Life has been blessed with four wonderful children and fortunately I have a little dough. However, that doesn't predictably make my Life's end any "better" than anyone elses.
My Life will end how it ends when it ends and I can and should plan, think about and prepare for however and whenever it happens but LIVE knowing that either I accept the unknown moments of joy and gifts surely yet to come or live in the fallacious misery of maybe someday dying a miserable ending to a meaningless life.
I'm afraid I've gone too far into my Head and my Heart with this Post. There are many, many options, avenues and pragmatic steps that can be taken at any point in ones life to plan for their--as best it can be--final days and demise. Much very sound and good advice has already been given here.
I'm afraid to say this but, based on my approaching 7 decades, some of Murphy's Laws apply here: "If anything can go wrong, it will; In nature, nothing is ever right. Therefore, if everything is going right ... something is wrong; Being dead right, won't make you any less dead".
The most frustrating thing to me about having brain damage is that the damage is not severe enough that I can't remember what it was like to be able to do, deal with and solve all the the things I can't anymore.
The most frustrating thing for me about being with, trying to help and caring for loved ones that are in their final days is knowing that they feel and live with that same frustration and there isn't a damn thing I can do about it.
Face
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