The beginning

[RogerB]

Love is Very Empowering

Hang in here with me.
One thing I do want to tell you is that I had a bit of a "breakthrough" yesterday. I have been so ashamed of my past because I have thought that I must really be evil to have "pulled in" this crappy stuff. I laughed for at least 5 minutes ( line charged), and then had a little grief charge. So you guys are correct. It is liberating to write it up.
Big hugs to all of you who have acknowledged my story.

Chlng

Chlng,

As you can see from the responses to your postings, you are much loved here. And it is obvious to us on the receiving end of your posts, that you are an exquisitely loving (and lovable) being.

I would say you have helped many with your postings, and it is only fitting that you have experienced the breakthrough and benefit of being part of this group and contributing to it. This is one of the benefits of a good group: a team who can help and empower each other.

As an aside, I would say that the Hubbard "doctrine" that "one must have done something 'to pull in' what one is effect of" is another of his "screwy tech" items that has been used to dominate and control folks in the org. Yes, we are ultimately responsible; but life is a big game, and we are not always as in control of it as we would wish A dropped ball is not a "pull in."

Rog

 

[Alanzo]

Yes I did meet Lyle Sudrow. He was not a part of my "crowd". He was a sweetheart, but much too straightlaced for some of us.

Chlng

That is so funny to think of Lyle that way!

Thanks for your answers.

 

[Div6]

There was nothing wrong with my baby girl.

The mo' fo's were going to sell her. I didn't know that until a few years later. Chubby said something about it, and it turned out hat he knew all about it. He said those guys were selling baby girls for $500.00 each. Ron had to know that it was happening because he placed a question on the Jo'Berg Sec Ck " Did you ever have anything to do with a baby farm?" Nowadays, no one knows what that even means. Well....now some of you do.
So my daughter is now in her mid-50s, has 2 children and 3 grandchildren.
She is a strong, independent woman. I talked to her yesterday.

She was audited up thru Grade 2 ( quicky grades), and hasn't had anything to do with Scn since she was given a body comm process which she thought was "feeling her up", when she was17. She kept telling me that they were only after my money.

Chlng

I just threw up in my mouth a little....

 

[Tiger Lily]

. . . . I had a bit of a "breakthrough" yesterday. I have been so ashamed of my past because I have thought that I must really be evil to have "pulled in" this crappy stuff. I laughed for at least 5 minutes ( line charged), and then had a little grief charge. So you guys are correct. It is liberating to write it up.
Big hugs to all of you who have acknowledged my story.

Chlng

I'm so happy to hear that! That stuff would be hard to dredge up for anyone, so I'm glad that your willingness to do so is giving you some relief.
And is sure is educating a lot of us!! ( including your answers to Alanzo . . . it absolutely blows me away that stuff was going on!!)

No worries about the comm lags. GOOD ON YOU for writing this stuff, posting it, and the liberating!!!

There's much I could comment on, about what you've written , but I won't - except to say, thank God you didn't buy that crap about your daughter, and that you and her got away.

Yes, that's for sure. It makes my ill to think what could have happened, and that people were actually doing that.

Chlng,

As you can see from the responses to your postings, you are much loved here. And it is obvious to us on the receiving end of your posts, that you are an exquisitely loving (and lovable) being.

I would say you have helped many with your postings, and it is only fitting that you have experienced the breakthrough and benefit of being part of this group and contributing to it. This is one of the benefits of a good group: team who can help and empower each other.

As an aside, I would say that the Hubbard "doctrine" that "one must have done something 'to pull in' what one is effect of" is another of his "screwy tech" items that has been used to dominate and control folks in the org. Yes, we are ultimately responsible; but life is a big game, and we are not always as in control of it as we would wish A dropped ball is not a "pull in."

Rog

Great post RogerB. You said a bunch in 3 paragraphs.

That "you 'pull in' everything that happens to you, is so deeply laid down that's it takes a while to see past that one. Challenge, I'm so glad that you did; that is a huge breakthrough.

-TL

 

[EP - Ethics Particle]

Many voices...

Dear Challenge,

I just want to add my voice to the chorus of love and appreciation flowing your way as a result of your postings. EP

 

[small steps]

I apologize for the long comm lags between my posts. I'm just rilly rilly busy. I don't usually have this much going on, but right now I'm just about swamped. Hang in here with me.
One thing I do want to tell you is that I had a bit of a "breakthrough" yesterday. I have been so ashamed of my past because I have thought that I must really be evil to have "pulled in" this crappy stuff. I laughed for at least 5 minutes ( line charged), and then had a little grief charge. So you guys are correct. It is liberating to write it up.
Big hugs to all of you who have acknowledged my story.

Chlng

hi challenge!

much love and respect to you for sharing your story. and im blown away for you that you had that breakthrough! I, and im sure many others here, can seriously relate to that!!! I had never heard anything about "baby farms" and am feeling disgusted as i digest it! The more people hear about these things, the better the healing process for all concerned. you really are something special. thank you for your openness on here!

 

[Challenge]

Challenge,

I respect and admire you for who you are, and how you have handled yourself, and still handling yourself... with dignity.

You are wonderful.

Vinaire

The respect and admiration is mutual, Vinaire. I have read part of a thread in which I became informed that you love Vivekananda. I am one of his,too.

Chlng

 

[Challenge]

I wish I could respond to each of you, but I can't, so I'll tell you about a sprctacular win that I had in '52. Bobby Sutton was auditing me on some process or another that was going around.

He had me find the four corners of the room.
He had me mock up , one corner at a time, a boxlike construct that was "my space".
He had me drop a feather on it
Had the feather float off
Mock the feather up and have it drop on that space and break thru it
Mock up a safe ( a big black box that we keep valuables in)
Drop it on the space and have it break thru
Have it bounce off
Mock yourself up in the space
What are you doing?

Well, my dears, I saw myself fighting. I saw myself dramatizing being a loser.
I leaped up and shouted " That's not me"!!!
I experienced a valence shift that spurred me to change my life!
It was splendid.
I've not had a comparable experience including the Cl 8 Course and the FEBC.
Nor on any grade nor OT level.
There were many times thru the years that I had joy while training or processing, but I think this 'squirrel' auditing was the best for me.

gotta go....

chlng



H

 

[RogerB]

Ahh, Yes Them "Golden Olden Days"

I wish I could respond to each of you, but I can't, so I'll tell you about a sprctacular win that I had in '52. Bobby Sutton was auditing me on some process or another that was going around.

He had me find the four corners of the room.
He had me mock up , one corner at a time, a boxlike construct that was "my space".
He had me drop a feather on it
Had the feather float off
Mock the feather up and have it drop on that space and break thru it
Mock up a safe ( a big black box that we keep valuables in)
Drop it on the space and have it break thru
Have it bounce off
Mock yourself up in the space
What are you doing?

Well, my dears, I saw myself fighting. I saw myself dramatizing being a loser.
I leaped up and shouted " That's not me"!!!
I experienced a valence shift that spurred me to change my life!
It was splendid.
I've not had a comparable experience including the Cl 8 Course and the FEBC.
Nor on any grade nor OT level.
There were many times thru the years that I had joy while training or processing, but I think this 'squirrel' auditing was the best for me.

gotta go....

chlng

H

Yes, regardless of what some say, there were these Golden Olden Days, eh?

Rog

 

[FoTi]

Glad you had something positive happen from writing your story.

And thanks for sharing more story with us. I hope you share more.

 

[Vinaire]

The respect and admiration is mutual, Vinaire. I have read part of a thread in which I became informed that you love Vivekananda. I am one of his,too.

Chlng

Then you are my sister in faith and understanding.

 

[Challenge]

Yes, regardless of what some say, there were these Golden Olden Days, eh?

Rog

Yes. However, there are dues to pay. And I don't mean money. After I had that big shift in viewpoint from that session, "something" hit me like a baseball bat to the head. Of course, I hadn't anything left to look at it then, as the scenario with the birth of my daughter o'whelmed me for months.
Now, when I look back, I see that when one has a great experience like I had in that session, ethics hits them hard. Call it ethics, call it whatchu will, I ask you to think what happens with your BT/Cls when you have a huge release?

thinkin out loud.

chlng

 

[RogerB]

Answering Out Loud

Yes. However, there are dues to pay. And I don't mean money. After I had that big shift in viewpoint from that session, "something" hit me like a baseball bat to the head. Of course, I hadn't anything left to look at it then, as the scenario with the birth of my daughter o'whelmed me for months.
Now, when I look back, I see that when one has a great experience like I had in that session, ethics hits them hard. Call it ethics, call it whatchu will, I ask you to think what happens with your BT/Cls when you have a huge release?

thinkin out loud.

chlng

Answering "out load" before yu take off to the warmth of Hawaii

Alan wrote up this phenomenon very well in his "Gods in Disguise" book.

In essence, huge blow out ascensions return one to higher level states of Being or areas of existence. Note the word return. The point is, one has been there before, but for various reasons declined.

A big blow-out ascension or release can put you back in touch with stuff you "failed to handle optimally last time" you were there . . . old goofs and wrong answers get empowered again.

And, oh yes, the BT/Cl thing can kick for they can be mightily accessed (triggered) by the event, and particularly in the days before we recognized and honored them, their upset and restim could be misowned by us as our own, and Oh, dear, that becomes its own "dog's dinner" (as we Ozzies like to say).

I am still putting the finishing touches on cleaning up and fully restoring some of my major, major early days ascensions. Bit by bit, but it is wonderfully worth it


Rog

 

[Feral]

Amazing story Challenge! Thank you so much for taking the time to share it with us.

This ascension experience you had and the resultant felling of overwhelm and upset about that awful scenario is so real to me, you wrote it so descriptively it really made me think.

Thanks too RogerB.

 

[Challenge]

It seems odd now that most of the incidents that I recall about Phoenix took place at the kitchen table. One time we were sitting around the table with John Sanborn and (I think) John Campbell.

John Sanborn lived in a corner of the house that we shared with some other Dianeticists. He didn't exactly "live" in the corner, but that is where he placed himself. This night he was at the table and he got into some sort of firefight with Campbell. They were hard at it. Next thing I knew they were rolling on the floor. Fighting for real. Punching and even biting. I freaked out and ran out the front door. Immediately above me I saw this monstrous big spaceship. It was actually more around me than it was above me.

I ran back into the house. The guys were winding down. John Sanborn was saying that it was the best auditing that Campbell ever had.
There seems to be no point to this story. I guess that the only reason it stayed in my mind was because of the spaceship sighting.


I think that I have already told you about my other huge experience with Bobby Sutton auditing me in a car driving along the highway. I'll tell again just to rehab it for myself. We were driving along, well, Bobby was driving. Jackie Crank was in the car also. Bobby was telling of something they had done in class that day. I found myself cruising along in the headlights of the car. Totally out there.

Next I wanna tell you about the years after I left Phoenix, left my abusive husband, left my life and started a new one. One thing that I had learned in Phoenix was that I had better things to do than let some fokker beat me to death.

I left there in summer, 1953 with the image of LRH as a kind of sleazy guy. These guys that tell you of what a presence he had are completely correct. I had seen others with comparable presence before I heard of Dianetics. I had worked in New York city and met and enjoyed the company of such jazz greats as Charlie " Bird" Parker, Dizzy Gillespie, JJ Johnson, people you've never heard of. Anita O'Day. Stan Kenton. Drugs were a large part of my life, and Phoenix was no exception. Anyways, LRH would pump himself up before a "performance" just as any other public figure would. His coloring was an aid to that impression.

I had noticed that many people doped off during his lectures. He said that he "swamied" them and that they liked itbetter.

I have to go now.
OH. Kauai was fine. We had visited the Island before and knew our way around. A good thing because out of the 10 days we were there, we had only 2 days of sun. It was overcast and raining the other days.There are tons of things to see and do without indulging in water sports, so we had a good vacation.

Spouse came back renewed and immediately started his 80 hours a week schedule that he set himself. He thrives on the stress of his work. He says that he loves his job and the challenges that it presents.

talk to you later. thanks for reading my stuff.

Chlng

 

[Lesolee (Sith Lord)]

John Sanborn was saying that it was the best auditing that Campbell ever had.

I must have missed this process ...

"Feel this punch"
"Thank you"
"Feel this punch"
"Thank you"
...

 

[Vinaire]

...

Anyways, LRH would pump himself up before a "performance" just as any other public figure would. His coloring was an aid to that impression.
...

Was LRH on drugs?

.

 

[Challenge]

Damn! I just wrote another long rambling reply, and then hit a key that made it disappear! So I will just give you a straight forward answer: Yes.

CH

 

[scooter]

Thanks for writing all this up, Challenge.

Moar?

 

[FoTi]

Love to hear moar, Challenge.