Jason Beghe in Hamburg
I was truly impressed with Jason's ability to simplify just a few points and sum up what upsets us ex-$cientologists.
I liked his comparison of 'waking up' from being in the Cult with waking up in the morning and said how he is only now just 'making the coffee', which describes very well what happens when you discover you have been deceived and conned for many years.
It takes a long time to stop thinking in a $cientology way.
I made my life hell for years after, never living up to the 'ethics' standards I set myself, never forgiving myself for maybe 'being off the road to spiritual freedom'.
The brainwashing I received in just 1 year of being in the Sea Org was enough to change my personality.
Only now, looking back, I can see how they took advantage of my young years and wanting to make the world a better place, the ideals a young person has etc.
We were always told 'it's 5 to 12', almost too late to save mankind.
Shut off from the outside world with no television, no newspapers cos thats just 'entheta'.
At the time Jane Kember had been extradited to the USA.
Also that subject was just 'entheta' when we asked about it.
Only recently I read on the internet it had to do with Operation Snowwhite.
Capt. Bill Robertson came on a mission while I was there in his SO uniform, his 'ethics presence' and loud american accent.
Everybody was shit scared of him.
It was known that he actually worked personally with LRH.
I found that very impressive.
David Mayo was at that time the senior CS worlwide.
Also highly respected.
Even Hubbard was still alive.
It all fits into place when looking back now.
Even the confessional 'sec checking' of:
"whats crimes have you committed on LRH?"
" What overts do you have on $cientology"
I was a very scared young man, but had realized it wasn't for me.
How come the couple that recruited me,
Rahmon + Janice Nassor (AOSHUK) blew after just a few months of me being there?
Many questions were unanswered in my head.
Many outpoints I had spotted.
I saw people recruited into the SO to become class 12, flag trained auditors.
They soon realized when 'in' that they had been conned and had to fight for what had been promised.
They ended up elsewhere of course.
I had read about DB's in $cientology (degraded beings), and often thought actualy while still there that many of the older staff members fitted into this catagory. They had been bullied and beaten for years, their dignity and self esteem battered.
Head often hung low, accepting orders without question.
The few in the higher positions, loud, abusive....in uniform of course.
Had I been just a few years older I would have told you where to stick your orders, your 'make in go right' in all situations.
I'm glad my young mind did recognize it was not healthy to be there.
One fine day I just took my bag, walked down the road into East Grinstead and hitchhiked my way to London, as I had no money in my pocket.
The Sec Checking was taking for ever and had no prospect of ending.
I remember sitting in that car and thinking..."I'm free"......
Kiss my ass $cientology!!
I will write my story some time on here.
