Hazmat
Patron with Honors
I was in Scientology back in the early '80s. I was thrilled to find something like Dianetics. It sounded so promising. But then there was this whole grade chart thing and getting up to where you would actually run processes to address the bank, was waaaay up there. It seemed to be a way to get people to spend more time and money than I thought was necessary. But I was 19. So, what could I possibly know.
At the time, I was frozen by fears I couldn't even explain. I just felt afraid all of the time. A lot of people would laugh at me, which made it worse because I knew they could tell I was anxious about something and my mind would race about what they might be thinking it was that I was anxious about.
For a brief period, I wondered if they could read my mind. I just didn't understand how they could be standing in one part of the room and be talking to someone and both of them laughing, and then look over at me and things. And then when they could see something in my face, would laugh all the more. I really didn't know what to make of it all. And it happened everywhere I went. Bus stops, department stores, at work.
Well, for me at the time, I made a really big and courageous decision. I was going to self audit. Now I was REALLY scared. What if I went insane? Or, was going insane anyway, no matter what? And how painful could engrams get? But, after finding out I couldn't afford auditing and after joining staff, the order came to halt staff auditing, I had no other choice.
I spent the next 4 years, just allowing whatever thoughts and emotions that came up, to come up and ran them like I supposed you would an engram. I would just close my eyes and let things do whatever it was that they did.
Nothing ever came in 3d. It was all normal memory. Just images of things and remembered or imagined hearing, if the thoughts involved some future or potential situation. No tastes, no physical sensations, or somatics. Just thought and emotion. Mostly about dying or people beating me up. I found I had to actually feel the fear, or apathy or anger. Kind of become the thing it's self or something.
Then in about '84, after experimenting with marijuana, these images would get even worse. The first night, was just God awful. I almost went to the ER, I was so scared. I was nauseous. Physically ill and just knew I had made a very bad mistake. I swore that if I made it through, I'd never do it again.
But, I did not change the routine. Just let it all flow in, no matter what it was. The only way out, was through.
The next day, I woke up and it was like, so different. No fear. And laughed about how frightened I'd been, just hours earlier.
I went to school at the community college and no fear. I felt perfectly calm and almost at home with everyone. I didn't feel like everyone was looking at me and talking about me. And didn't care if they were or did.
I experimented a few more times with marijuana, and got bored with it. All it did was make me feel very tired and figured, "Well, that's it for that.".
In about '88, all of that vanished into thin air. I woke up one night, freezing cold on top and my feet were sweating and I thought I was about to die.
This time however, the somatics started in. Unbelievable jaw pain. Areas of my gums would swell up and puff up my face. Sometimes people would tell me I needed to see a dentist for an abscessed tooth. If they were a scientologist, I would explain how it was due to an engram where either a small amount of venom had been placed, or a pressure rod, which put so much pressure on that area, it would cause it to swell upon restimulation. Yeah. I got a few funny looks and the conversation would be over. LOL.
As the years have gone by, the headaches began. My cranial muscles will contract so hard, I can hear crunching sounds, just like when your neck is stiff and you can hear and feel things back there, however the sensation and pain is very intense.
But here again I feel that it's due to venoms and my head being put in a brace with rods putting a few pounds of pressure in an area about the size of a pencil lead.
Obviously, these somatics don't run out very quickly or easily. And I have yet to experience any
3d recall. Thoughts and emotion flow through, some of which cause the somatic to intensify and the cranial tendons to crunch all by themselves with my head perfectly still.
I can't do much physically. I need 12-14 hours of sleep each day. And I get it. LOL. I mean, it takes 20 minutes of effort to get my legs to be able to support standing up, let alone walking, the pain in my hip is so bad. When I do try to walk, the moment max weight is on that leg, my foot jumps away from the floor. I hobble into the shower, and hope it goes away. I can walk, but with a pronounced limp.
The hip problem, comes and goes. I'll be completely normal in that area, for about 6 months. Then it will return, for no reason. Other than my cranial somatics are finally to the point where they are allowing the body's sympathetic nervous system to react as it did when it received the engram.
You see, when a person is unconscious, if you cause the body pain, it won't react. You can stick a pin in them, and the arm or leg, will not move. If they were conscious, their muscles would contract almost contain the reaction to that area.
However, in this state the entire length of the nerve channel reacts, even though you can't see it. The reaction terminates at the opposite end.
So, whatever it was they did to my cranial muscles, terminates in the hip area and it's sore. Or thinks it is. LOL.
At any rate, all I've ever managed to get are reductions. No erasures. Once I think I'm done with a particular incident, it comes back years later.
And believe me, there is no auditor in the world that's going to come in and tell my file clerk anything about where to be on the track. There is no file clerk. When a somatic kicks in, that's what you're going to run because it's not going to go away until you do. File clerk. Sheesh.
From my experience, restimulators are the file clerk. Whatever is causing your body to react.
Oh, yes. I've been to doctors. I tell them about the pain, and strange memories. I'm a paranoid schizophrenic. Ok. Thanks. Best 500 dollars I've ever spent...........LMAO.
But, I'm curious. Anyone care to talk about their experiences with engrams? I would appreciate it.
TIA
At the time, I was frozen by fears I couldn't even explain. I just felt afraid all of the time. A lot of people would laugh at me, which made it worse because I knew they could tell I was anxious about something and my mind would race about what they might be thinking it was that I was anxious about.
For a brief period, I wondered if they could read my mind. I just didn't understand how they could be standing in one part of the room and be talking to someone and both of them laughing, and then look over at me and things. And then when they could see something in my face, would laugh all the more. I really didn't know what to make of it all. And it happened everywhere I went. Bus stops, department stores, at work.
Well, for me at the time, I made a really big and courageous decision. I was going to self audit. Now I was REALLY scared. What if I went insane? Or, was going insane anyway, no matter what? And how painful could engrams get? But, after finding out I couldn't afford auditing and after joining staff, the order came to halt staff auditing, I had no other choice.
I spent the next 4 years, just allowing whatever thoughts and emotions that came up, to come up and ran them like I supposed you would an engram. I would just close my eyes and let things do whatever it was that they did.
Nothing ever came in 3d. It was all normal memory. Just images of things and remembered or imagined hearing, if the thoughts involved some future or potential situation. No tastes, no physical sensations, or somatics. Just thought and emotion. Mostly about dying or people beating me up. I found I had to actually feel the fear, or apathy or anger. Kind of become the thing it's self or something.
Then in about '84, after experimenting with marijuana, these images would get even worse. The first night, was just God awful. I almost went to the ER, I was so scared. I was nauseous. Physically ill and just knew I had made a very bad mistake. I swore that if I made it through, I'd never do it again.
But, I did not change the routine. Just let it all flow in, no matter what it was. The only way out, was through.
The next day, I woke up and it was like, so different. No fear. And laughed about how frightened I'd been, just hours earlier.
I went to school at the community college and no fear. I felt perfectly calm and almost at home with everyone. I didn't feel like everyone was looking at me and talking about me. And didn't care if they were or did.
I experimented a few more times with marijuana, and got bored with it. All it did was make me feel very tired and figured, "Well, that's it for that.".
In about '88, all of that vanished into thin air. I woke up one night, freezing cold on top and my feet were sweating and I thought I was about to die.
This time however, the somatics started in. Unbelievable jaw pain. Areas of my gums would swell up and puff up my face. Sometimes people would tell me I needed to see a dentist for an abscessed tooth. If they were a scientologist, I would explain how it was due to an engram where either a small amount of venom had been placed, or a pressure rod, which put so much pressure on that area, it would cause it to swell upon restimulation. Yeah. I got a few funny looks and the conversation would be over. LOL.
As the years have gone by, the headaches began. My cranial muscles will contract so hard, I can hear crunching sounds, just like when your neck is stiff and you can hear and feel things back there, however the sensation and pain is very intense.
But here again I feel that it's due to venoms and my head being put in a brace with rods putting a few pounds of pressure in an area about the size of a pencil lead.
Obviously, these somatics don't run out very quickly or easily. And I have yet to experience any
3d recall. Thoughts and emotion flow through, some of which cause the somatic to intensify and the cranial tendons to crunch all by themselves with my head perfectly still.
I can't do much physically. I need 12-14 hours of sleep each day. And I get it. LOL. I mean, it takes 20 minutes of effort to get my legs to be able to support standing up, let alone walking, the pain in my hip is so bad. When I do try to walk, the moment max weight is on that leg, my foot jumps away from the floor. I hobble into the shower, and hope it goes away. I can walk, but with a pronounced limp.
The hip problem, comes and goes. I'll be completely normal in that area, for about 6 months. Then it will return, for no reason. Other than my cranial somatics are finally to the point where they are allowing the body's sympathetic nervous system to react as it did when it received the engram.
You see, when a person is unconscious, if you cause the body pain, it won't react. You can stick a pin in them, and the arm or leg, will not move. If they were conscious, their muscles would contract almost contain the reaction to that area.
However, in this state the entire length of the nerve channel reacts, even though you can't see it. The reaction terminates at the opposite end.
So, whatever it was they did to my cranial muscles, terminates in the hip area and it's sore. Or thinks it is. LOL.
At any rate, all I've ever managed to get are reductions. No erasures. Once I think I'm done with a particular incident, it comes back years later.
And believe me, there is no auditor in the world that's going to come in and tell my file clerk anything about where to be on the track. There is no file clerk. When a somatic kicks in, that's what you're going to run because it's not going to go away until you do. File clerk. Sheesh.
From my experience, restimulators are the file clerk. Whatever is causing your body to react.
Oh, yes. I've been to doctors. I tell them about the pain, and strange memories. I'm a paranoid schizophrenic. Ok. Thanks. Best 500 dollars I've ever spent...........LMAO.
But, I'm curious. Anyone care to talk about their experiences with engrams? I would appreciate it.
TIA