Marie
Patron
I didn't know if I should post this on its own, or add it to the other (facts of the matter) post I placed a couple of days ago - this one is more the feelings on the matter...
Someone tell me the protocol, please.
I think this is helping, some communication about why things are the way they are have lifted my spirits, and have started me getting back on track with life – or maybe appreciating what I have attained since leaving, rather then thinking how it needs to just get better, you know need better stats (funny thing, it is pretty good…lol). After 17 years alot of lessons learned still stick with me.
Being in the SO and on Staff seemed other purpose to me, though I didn’t see that at the time.
You are supposed to build your dynamics starting at one and move outward, at least that is what I got from what I learned on course - being in the SO and in a huge degree just at a class 4 org did not do this (for me). I said as much in the staff reg cycle (word for word), but let someone else talk me into it.
Don’t get me wrong, being on staff made me a more able person then I was, I learned a lot, and figured out a lot of things faster then I would have not on staff… BUT…
I found out, after leaving that a lot of the datums, processes and theories that did this for me were also available (and probably gleened from) other religions (and dare I say - psychology).
There were many times in my 5 years on staff and in the SO that I ignored the little voice in me that said “you are unhappy, this is not helping you”. I discarded it as an ethics issue, I needed to do better.
Ethics handlings are not done to out int PC’s, so I had little of those since I was that way for 4 of those years. I had to do my own, to my limited ability – kept my own council, and though it was not correct per tech it was my only option. When someone tried to do a handling, and when I first started I tried, I was always referred back to the auditing area – and everyone knows how hard it is to get audited as staff (never could find a qualled auditor). When I did get in session I seemed to go nowhere (by the way when I was routing out, I found out my auditor for most of my sessions had been declared for non standard tech – boy I line charged on that). By the way, my int issue was being stuck in – Staff and the SO ( figured that one out also – on my own) went in session on routing out to handle the int and wow, it was no issue.
And ethics handlings are not done on upstats – and I almost always was during those years. If I knew what was expected (or could figure it out, which was more the case) I did it and did it with gusto – Just work ethics instilled by my mother, not LRH tech…
What I was looking for in scientology was help with my ability to deal with others, and be part of a group. The training I got helped, but not quided didn’t do the job.
I figured out about myself that I am not a group person – and being in the SO was hell on that level. One on one is fine, alone is ok (rather not be but it is ok), large groups where I had to do as I was told and no questions asked – not me. I am a take charge person and allowed the SO to take charge for those years (yes allowed, was convinced to let someone have that control), and I always did decent if not good during that time – but being who I am I need the freedom to be me. (lol, that was what I thought I was doing this for – freedom).
And here is why Scientology doesn’t work (at least for me).
All of those trained people, OT people…. Should have seen this and understood, and let me know it was alright to be myself… I could do that and it was ok, in fact I should have been looking for something that furthered that not tried to kill it. Boy did I just get pissed off - I hadn't realized that before.
Someone tell me the protocol, please.
I think this is helping, some communication about why things are the way they are have lifted my spirits, and have started me getting back on track with life – or maybe appreciating what I have attained since leaving, rather then thinking how it needs to just get better, you know need better stats (funny thing, it is pretty good…lol). After 17 years alot of lessons learned still stick with me.
Being in the SO and on Staff seemed other purpose to me, though I didn’t see that at the time.
You are supposed to build your dynamics starting at one and move outward, at least that is what I got from what I learned on course - being in the SO and in a huge degree just at a class 4 org did not do this (for me). I said as much in the staff reg cycle (word for word), but let someone else talk me into it.
Don’t get me wrong, being on staff made me a more able person then I was, I learned a lot, and figured out a lot of things faster then I would have not on staff… BUT…
I found out, after leaving that a lot of the datums, processes and theories that did this for me were also available (and probably gleened from) other religions (and dare I say - psychology).
There were many times in my 5 years on staff and in the SO that I ignored the little voice in me that said “you are unhappy, this is not helping you”. I discarded it as an ethics issue, I needed to do better.
Ethics handlings are not done to out int PC’s, so I had little of those since I was that way for 4 of those years. I had to do my own, to my limited ability – kept my own council, and though it was not correct per tech it was my only option. When someone tried to do a handling, and when I first started I tried, I was always referred back to the auditing area – and everyone knows how hard it is to get audited as staff (never could find a qualled auditor). When I did get in session I seemed to go nowhere (by the way when I was routing out, I found out my auditor for most of my sessions had been declared for non standard tech – boy I line charged on that). By the way, my int issue was being stuck in – Staff and the SO ( figured that one out also – on my own) went in session on routing out to handle the int and wow, it was no issue.
And ethics handlings are not done on upstats – and I almost always was during those years. If I knew what was expected (or could figure it out, which was more the case) I did it and did it with gusto – Just work ethics instilled by my mother, not LRH tech…
What I was looking for in scientology was help with my ability to deal with others, and be part of a group. The training I got helped, but not quided didn’t do the job.
I figured out about myself that I am not a group person – and being in the SO was hell on that level. One on one is fine, alone is ok (rather not be but it is ok), large groups where I had to do as I was told and no questions asked – not me. I am a take charge person and allowed the SO to take charge for those years (yes allowed, was convinced to let someone have that control), and I always did decent if not good during that time – but being who I am I need the freedom to be me. (lol, that was what I thought I was doing this for – freedom).
And here is why Scientology doesn’t work (at least for me).
All of those trained people, OT people…. Should have seen this and understood, and let me know it was alright to be myself… I could do that and it was ok, in fact I should have been looking for something that furthered that not tried to kill it. Boy did I just get pissed off - I hadn't realized that before.
