Leaving

[Alan]

Back in 1977, I was at flag having my 18th major Comm Ev.

Refusing to accept the findings.

Having done my umtee-umpth O/W write-up - feeling like I was the biggest criminal on Earth - when I reversed my ideas.

I decided to write up all my criminal actions.....

I sat there pen in hand, a couple of hundred blank sheets of paper.

I sat and scanned my life........outside of stealing money out of my mothers purse......and several speeding tickets......nothing. Duh!

I had found the SP.......it was me.......yes! me!.....true I had steadily and subtly been "created as" an SP.......over many years........yes, I had bought the items........it was just a matter of stripping away the false programming and finding the wrong items.

I guess the biggest wrong item was "my reach and my abilities were overts."

I did one other action which was to find the correct items. I did this by writing-up my abilities, life skills and assets.

This positive action helped run out a tremendous amount of invalidation, and my power and reach came back.

That was it......I retired from Scio.

Walked away.

Basically it has been UP ever since.

Within 6 weeks of leaving........I took over a $Billion International Corporation.

I had limo's, yachts, offices in major cities, London, NY, Joburg, Zurich, Amsterdam, LA; gold, coal and diamond mines in Africa and Namibia, 3 top class hotels.....and numerous other goodies.

The reason I was able to take the Company over so easily; was it was being investigated by the IRS, the FBI, SEC, and several other International Gov Agencies.

These were many of the things I had handled over the years being a leading public figure in Scio., so I had tremendous confidence on being able to handle these threats.

Alan

 

[Whitedove]

Back in 1977, I was at flag having my 18th major Comm Ev.

Refusing to accept the findings.

Having done my umtee-umpth O/W write-up - feeling like I was the biggest criminal on Earth - when I reversed my ideas.

I decided to write up all my criminal actions.....

I sat there pen in hand, a couple of hundred blank sheets of paper.

I sat and scanned my life........outside of stealing money out of my mothers purse......and several speeding tickets......nothing. Duh!

I had found the SP.......it was me.......yes! me!.....true I had steadily and subtly been "created as" an SP.......over many years........yes, I had bought the items........it was just a matter of stripping away the false programming and finding the wrong items.

I guess the biggest wrong item was "my reach and my abilities were overts."

I did one other action which was to find the correct items. I did this by writing-up my abilities, life skills and assets.

This positive action helped run out a tremendous amount of invalidation, and my power and reach came back.

That was it......I retired from Scio.

Walked away.

Basically it has been UP ever since.

Within 6 weeks of leaving........I took over a $Billion International Corporation.

I had limo's, yachts, offices in major cities, London, NY, Joburg, Zurich, Amsterdam, LA; gold, coal and diamond mines in Africa and Namibia, 3 top class hotels.....and numerous other goodies.

The reason I was able to take the Company over so easily; was it was being investigated by the IRS, the FBI, SEC, and several other International Gov Agencies.

These were many of the things I had handled over the years being a leading public figure in Scio., so I had tremendous confidence on being able to handle these threats.

Alan

Wow! Bravo Alan.

One thing that stands out in your message for me is this

I did one other action which was to find the correct items. I did this by writing-up my abilities, life skills and assets

When you are a $cientologist your frame of mind becomes more negative toward yourself as instead of focusing on your abilities and good points, you need to write 'overts and witholds' at the smallest wrong doing so you tend to lose the pov that you are a good person.

You sneeze at the wrong time and wonder 'why' it happens. Ok, I tend to exagerate but its not that far from the truth.

Ask any ex-$cientologists, I'm pretty sure they feel the same.

Thanks for your input
Whitedove

 

[Voltaire's Child]

It can be very negative there. I remember being terrified of being thought or found to be "PTS".

It should have been about helping someone who was experiencing a problem, but instead it became intimidation.

It's such a relief to get away from all that, and then the person feels untrammeled.

 

[jodie]

Wow

Hmm, are you Speaker? Or Use? Never mind.

Jeez, this makes me feel quite small - have not ever operated on such a scale. Mostly just been concentrating on trying to do a Phoenix number, very minor league.

Strategies for survival have entailed getting right away from everything and everyone Scn OR critic-related. My case (heh!) was a bit different, see - was destroyed once (spiritually), then was just getting over that, then was destroyed again, completely, on the MEST level. Took me a good 6 years to get it together again.

My strategy for getting past it (one of the few friends I have that I trust and who knows all about it has said I actually should have been in a mental asylum after going through all that) was to look at my part in it - my stuff ups, my immaturity, my idiocy, and OWN it. Scientology wasn't responsible for the fact that I was such an idiot. They just exploited it to their own ends. But they couldn't have done so if I did not provide them with the raw material in the first place.

I refused to be a victim.

And so I didn't end up in a nuthouse, when I really should have. I didn't even have any therapy. I just went out and immersed myself in the wog world, and functioned. Day to day mediocre stuff. And I'm sort of OK now. Although, damaged, definitely - can't let anyone close to me (the friend I mentioned is the only exception, but then, he is exceptional).

But I travel a lot, and that is really great. Been to many countries. Being on the move is one of the best things ever, and then getting to different countries, languages, cultures, economic levels - now THAT is therapeutic. Latin America remains my all time favourite, followed by Singapore, Seoul, Malaysia, and so on.

Lots more, but won't ramble on too much - blah, blah, boring. ;-)

- jodie

 

[Tachikoma]

Jodi,

Please do me a small favour... Never discount your part of either being in Scientology or how you left it. It is not boring. To my perspective, it does not matter how large or small your part in the organization was. Your experience is a greater part of a whole picture. The more we get to see of even the smallest parts of that picture, the more we can understand. For example, you may say your part in exiting is minuscule, but what I tend to look at are the similarities you have had with other ex members in the why and how you left... you say that you refused to be a victim. I have seen this in a number of exit stories, and thus it correlates for me in how one becomes disenchanted with the Church. This gives us more of a focus, more of a targeted area to look at and discuss. It may be the trigger needed to assist someone else in seeing options. Sometimes from the smallest of things, the greatest things grow.

So, please never invalidate your part in what you were or how you came to be what you are now.

Thank you.

 

[jodie]

Victims

Jodi,

Please do me a small favour... Never discount your part of either being in Scientology or how you left it. It is not boring. To my perspective, it does not matter how large or small your part in the organization was. Your experience is a greater part of a whole picture. The more we get to see of even the smallest parts of that picture, the more we can understand. For example, you may say your part in exiting is minuscule, but what I tend to look at are the similarities you have had with other ex members in the why and how you left... you say that you refused to be a victim. I have seen this in a number of exit stories, and thus it correlates for me in how one becomes disenchanted with the Church. This gives us more of a focus, more of a targeted area to look at and discuss. It may be the trigger needed to assist someone else in seeing options. Sometimes from the smallest of things, the greatest things grow.

So, please never invalidate your part in what you were or how you came to be what you are now.

Thank you.

Hi tach - well, that seems like a reasonable request! Duly granted.
Actually my part in exiting wasn't miniscule - but I don't want to focus on it too much, as it will reveal my identity, and I do not want to do that at this stage.

You selected a good aspect - the Victim thing. I remember disagreeing quite vigorously with Jon Atack about this in a conversation years ago. He talked about how the CoS is expert at phobia induction - of SPs, and of "victims". He was right about that. Being a "victim" in the CoS is the most lowly, despicable thing - I think even worse than being PTS. We were are all programed with this. Whatever one was, one DARE not be a "victim".

The issues surrounding this are complex.

It is my opinion that the phobia induction of repulsion for the "victim" was tied to the whole intricate system of control in the CoS. Everything is always your fault, you are always responsible for everything. It was never the tech, or the oganization, or anything like that. If you tried to argue, then you were "being a victim". This of course gives an eternal exemption to "LRH, Mary Sue, or Scientology management" for ever being responsible for anything.

So most ex-scns carry that one - "I will not be a victim, whatever else, I will not sink to that."

In my own recovery, I need to differentiate. Especially after being made aware of this thing around "victimhood" by Jon. I needed to be careful that that was not a "program" running, which appeared to be recovery, but was in fact simply a scn meme.

HOWEVER. Being a victim is hellishly disempowering. It makes you feel like s**t. It makes you feel overwhelmed and powerless, like you have no control over anything. Being a *survivor*, on the other hand, is kick- a*s! It is empowering, energizing, with the hope of moving forward, of new possibilities, of new beginnings - of creating new things.

So that is why I refused to be a victim - not because the CoS commands repulsion of victims, but because being a survivor is so much kick-a*s better!

- jodie

 

[Tachikoma]

HOWEVER. Being a victim is hellishly disempowering. It makes you feel like s**t. It makes you feel overwhelmed and powerless, like you have no control over anything. Being a *survivor*, on the other hand, is kick- a*s! It is empowering, energizing, with the hope of moving forward, of new possibilities, of new beginnings - of creating new things.

So that is why I refused to be a victim - not because the CoS commands repulsion of victims, but because being a survivor is so much kick-a*s better!

- jodie

Hello again, Jodie... Yes, victimhood is a very complex thing, because it can operate at many, many different levels, cover many subjects, situations and can run very deep. To me it is not unlike an onion that you find with a rotted spot on it. Often you can peel back a layer or two, and that rot will be gone, discarded. However, once in a while, after every layer you peel off trying to remove that rot, the spot persists and may sometimes even shift position compared to where it was in the last two layers. Of course, sometimes you get one where that single spot of rot goes all the way to the core and it is there that it is at its worst.


I also wanted to address something else in what you said above. Victimization equals a loss of personal power, surviving equals empowerment. Yet, do you find or think that there is a very fine line there? I mean, that the line is so fine it is easy to kind of "flip it"? On the one hand, when one is a victim, it seems to me to be the precursor to being a survivor. It is, I think, a requisite step, because in order to be a survivor, one has to have been a victim. Somehow being a survivor of "good times" just does not hold water, you know?

Seriously, I now wonder if Scientology creates or enhances victims on purpose and then holds forth the promise of repairing that victimization, be it via one more course, Life Repair rundown, another Congress Lecture purchased or what have you. Thus, when one "earns" it, they then feel like a survivor, but instead of attributing the triumph to themselves, the person attributes it to Scientology and the tech, thus binding themselves closer to the organization and instilling further in their minds that LRH be praised for giving them the "workable tech to handle their ruin".

It is one of the oldest tricks in the book, really... Create a condition or a happening, and then be the only source of relief for that condition. Like the dishonest mechanic who is the only one for miles around puncturing your radiator in your car. You are stuck at his service station until you pay an exorbitant sum for his "services", he being the only vendor of such.

Very crafty.

 

[jodie]

[...]
I also wanted to address something else in what you said above. Victimization equals a loss of personal power, surviving equals empowerment. Yet, do you find or think that there is a very fine line there? I mean, that the line is so fine it is easy to kind of "flip it"? On the one hand, when one is a victim, it seems to me to be the precursor to being a survivor. It is, I think, a requisite step, because in order to be a survivor, one has to have been a victim. Somehow being a survivor of "good times" just does not hold water, you know?

Seriously, I now wonder if Scientology creates or enhances victims on purpose and then holds forth the promise of repairing that victimization, be it via one more course, Life Repair rundown, another Congress Lecture purchased or what have you. Thus, when one "earns" it, they then feel like a survivor, but instead of attributing the triumph to themselves, the person attributes it to Scientology and the tech, thus binding themselves closer to the organization and instilling further in their minds that LRH be praised for giving them the "workable tech to handle their ruin".

Good question. I cannot globalise an answer, I can only speak from my own experience. Believe me, there will be very different experiences with different people. I personally had some really great times when I was in, before it all went wrong. I loved it. I was upbeat and uptone and happy and productive. I enjoyed the company of the people, I loved being on course, or auditing people to "wins". It was one of the best times of my life. I never felt like a victim. However, they did not know how to handle my "case" so there was a lot of confusion there. But despite that, I mostly had a great time. So my personal experience does not match what you or saying - that of many others will match. My traumas occurred after I left, and revolved around a series of incidents.

Indeed, being a survivor implies being a victim beforehand. Yes, you are right there. (nice one!). The thing is - how LONG does one stay in victim mode? That I believe is one's own choice.

I think what you are referring to more is in the line of "finding and handling the person's ruin", rather than victimization. I have heard of many instances of endless loops of ruin being created - in fact, an extreme example was Lisa McPherson. Each bit of auditing she received created more of a ruin which they then had to repair, which created more ruin, and so on. It started on her CCRD. Then the SSRD. Then her FPRD. And on and on. (The auditors assigned a "no responsibility" condition to her case, by the way). In her case, it proved to be tragically fatal. And she was denied the opportunity to develop a strategy for survival and recovery. Words are not adequate to describe the scope of that tragedy.

Not sure if that answers your question?

- jodie

 

[Alan]

Hmm, are you Speaker? Or Use? Never mind.


I refused to be a victim.


- jodie

Use!

There are many things in Scio you must "not be!"

Now if I was to devise a destructive process.....the main process would be:

I want you to run the following:

Assess:

Suppressive Person

Victim

PTS

Sick

Poor

Weak

Ineffective

Down stat.

Take selected item.....must be item PC or Student least wants to be.

Now run:

"I must not be a (item)!"

Resist it - stop it from going away!

Resist it - add shame, blame, regret, guilt to it!

Repeat over and over until you cringe with shame, blame, regret, and guilt?

Hold it still - stop it from going away!

Repeat over and over until very, very, solid!

Now don't look at it, don't tell anyone about it!

Now go to Ethics and they will add more shame, blame, regret, guilt to it.

Now act it out and the rest of the staff will add more shame, blame, regret, guilt to it.

Do this for a number of years - until feel you must leave....

Congratulations you are now an implanted, fully programmed: "I will never go near processing or training ex-Scio."

To undo program:

Take each item:

Suppressive Person

Victim

PTS

Sick

Poor

Weak

Ineffective

Down stat.

Run:

What part of that (item) am I willing to experience?

What part of that (item) would I rather not experience?

What part of that (item) am I willing to create?

What part of that (item) would I rather not create?

Repeat over and over to big win.

Then take the opposite of item: i.e. Victim.....which could be A god....or A causative Being.....and run:

What part of that (item) am I willing to experience?

What part of that (item) would I rather not experience?

What part of that (item) am I willing to create?

What part of that (item) would I rather not create?

Repeat over and over to big win.

Every champion in any game does the above......watch Tiger Woods.....he constantly goes through this cycle.

The simple fact is the only reason a bad condition or identity is there; is because you resisted it and were afraid to holographically duplicate it.

Alan

 

[jodie]

Thanks Alan!

Thanks very much!! Good stuff, potent, and very applicable. I'll try it. Thanks again.

- jodie

 

[tarbaby]

Back in 1977, I was at flag having my 18th major Comm Ev.

Hi, Alan.

Nice to see you posting here.

Dennis

 

[Tachikoma]

Hello, jodie... Thank you for your input.

Sometimes the "questions" I pose are less actual questions than they are little prods to get each individual thinking about something as they come across it. You are correct, there will be many different answers, but I think what I really enjoy seeing is the diversity of the answers that will come from each individual experience. As with many things there is no "correct" answer to the question in general, it is a matter of what feels right for each person who wishes to suppy their perspective. You did fine!

 

[Kerry]

So much of the long post above sounds like Eckhard Tolle, a relatively new thinker/guru. No worries. A lot of very interesting points there, thanks. "Hate to say this" but I gleaned those points when I had to read Freud, involuntarily years ago in college at Berkeley. I don't mean to offend in any way.

If one considers the Freudian-borrowed, Scientology concept of the fear of failure in terms of Lisa McPherson's dying, how would you describe the process of her handlers? Hubbard tech or not? I don't understand how anyone could watch another being physically dying day by day as she did and not raise an alarm. Is there something about this case that I have no idea about from any of the other message boards?

So confusing. What would you say those day-to-day, Clearwater police-interview documented, attendants at her death scenario were thinking? Is it possible to talk about this? Of course there were many things happening in people's minds who were looking after her, but what was it - WHAT WAS IT - that stopped them from calling in a 911? Did they think their higher ups would? Did they categorically believe that if "uplines" wasn't doing anything about Lisa then whatever was happening to Lisa was per L. Ron Hubbard tech and OKAY? Did they think, IYO, Lisa's "meat body" was unimportant in the scheme of things, i.e., in Hubbardspeak ("the greater good?").

I prefer an answer from an ex-Scientologist or a practicing Scientologist.

Thanks,
Kerry
http://www.scientology-lies.com/
http://tomcruisehq.com/

 

[jodie]

Hello, jodie... Thank you for your input.

Sometimes the "questions" I pose are less actual questions than they are little prods to get each individual thinking about something as they come across it. You are correct, there will be many different answers, but I think what I really enjoy seeing is the diversity of the answers that will come from each individual experience. As with many things there is no "correct" answer to the question in general, it is a matter of what feels right for each person who wishes to suppy their perspective. You did fine!

Thanks, Tachikoma, appreciate very much. Thanks for being interested enough to ask really good questions! I appreciate your input and your presence on this forum very much.

- jodie

 

[Bea Kiddo]

Lisa

Peace.

 

[Bea Kiddo]

more

Peace.

 

[Alan]

The Introspection R/D is a very flawed R/D.

Behind almost all self listing is an abuser or abusive incident.

Scio is an abuse based technology. Run by abusers, in an abusive unsafe environment.

Asking a question in an authorative manner is enough to trigger introspection.

Abusers always start their abuse by blasting a negative question in a negative hateful tone at the effect point or victim.

If the C/s or processor is smart enough they will notice almost immediately the pc will do something weird with a question, the most common is to repeat the question to themselves.....then answer.

To get into the self destructive violent state you have to have goofed for a long time.

I could write a book on this....but I hate to type.

Alan

 

[Bea Kiddo]

yeah - whats up with that?

Peace.